“Look at bae!” I said under my breath as I watched a tall, brown-skinned, Monica-from-Love-and-Basketball looking woman walk past me & bat her eyes, lookin’ like a pretty ass giraffe grazing the savanna, despite the fact we were on a 24-hour-fitness basketball court.
She was wearing a black t-shirt, with the words, “you go girl” printed on it, long black basketball warmup pants, the Jordan Cool Greys, a white head band to hold back her huge curls and a naked face.
I could tell she was giving me, “the look”, because it wasn’t just a glance. She looked at me, glanced down, then slowly raised her brown eyes, until they were at my eye level. She was giving me the look Nala gave Simba in, “The Lion King”, before the two of them rolled around & made love in the grass.
“I’ll play you for it,” she said, rolling her basketball towards me.
“Play me for what?” I asked, before picking up the ball & laughing after seeing what she did there. “That was corny as hell, Monica! What’s your name sweetheart?”
“Eden,” she replied with a huge smile after putting down her gym bag, ripping off her snap-on warm-up pants & reaching her right hand out for me to shake. “And I may be corny as hell, but it worked didn’t it?”
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
She was right. Lowkey, corny women are really the best girlfriends. I learned not to sleep on a witty woman with corny humor. You will never get bored with her. I also found it dope she knew my favorite line to one of my favorite movies, and used it fluently in conversation. Using random art & culture references in a relationship is as clutch as a sense of humor.
If we’re arguing, & I hit you with a “Damn, Gina! You know I love you gurl!” & your oblivious ass fails to retort with, “Boy, you so crazy” I will tell you, ‘GET THE STEPPIN’!” I refuse to stay loyal to a humor-less relationship. Go watch Spongebob or Doug, since you wanna act all childish.
“Ebrahim,” I replied, before shaking her hand. “You must get told you look like Monica all the time?”
“And your light skin ass looks nothing like Q,” she responded, in a smart mouthed tone of voice, before laughing out loud. “Ha! I’m just joking handsome, what are you mixed with?”
Before I could respond, one of the brothas who was on my team in the previous game interrupted & began a conversation that would ruin my day.
“Damn ma! You’re killing those boy shorts. Can you really hoop?” he asked, after pulling out his iPhone & snapping a picture of her from the back.
“Nah, nigga I’m just wearing these for Instagram likes,” she snapped sarcastically, rolling her eyes & pointing at his phone. “Can you delete that please?”
“At least she’s honest,” he said with a smirk, moving his phone away from her grasp. “Here, I’ll trade you. I’ll give you my phone so you can delete the pic, but only if you promise to lock your number in.”
“You know what,” she exhaled, raising her hand to stop him, “keep the pic. It’s probably the only picture your no game havin’ self has in there of a woman whose body you didn’t screenshot from Instagram.”
“Ooooooo!” many of the other men in the gym instigated.
When a coward male gets his ignorance put on blast by a confident woman with more intelligence in her eyelashes than he has in his brain, it not only dissolves any chill mode he has. It ignites a fire inside the heart of his pride only showering a woman with disrespectful insults can extinguish.
“Please, nobody wanted your number anyway,” he replied. “Dressing all thirsty at a 24-hour-fitness is a little desperate, don’t you think Thotania? I’m suprised you didn’t walk in here wearing red bottoms and a full face of make-up.”
“You know, it’s funny how I went from ‘damn-ma’ to ‘Thotania’ in 12.5 seconds,” she retorted, talking with her hands as if she was trying to grab at the air in front of her repeatedly. “Snapping a pic of my butt and paying me objectifying ‘complements’ is no way to approach a woman.”
“Oh,” he replied, “so your low self-esteem having ass can just display your body in tight clothes, with the cakes all out, booty all poking and boobs on swole, then complain you’re being objectified by the very niggas you’re displaying your body for?
“Bruh, you seriously need to chill the fuck out,” I said in disgust. “First of all, she wasn’t displaying her body for you, let alone her attention TO you. Me and her were conversing before you butt in. Secondly, you’re personifying that word ‘nigga’ you just referred to yourself as so well, as it means an object with a dead mind. Peep game. How a woman dresses is not necessarily a reflection of her self-esteem.”
“Thank you,” she co-signed. “A real man. Goddamn, it seems like they barely exist.”
“Women don’t choose their outfits based on garnering the attention of men. They dress for themselves, and for other women, if anything.”
“Nigga please,” he replied, sarcastically. “This nigga think he’s Cornel West and shit, over here saving hoes with that simp game.”
“It’s funny how the non-female pullin’ wimps always refer to respecting a woman as being a simp,” I fired back. “Don’t confuse being a non-chauvinistic, respectful man with being a simp.
Sympathy is simply feeling pity and sorrow for someone’s misfortune. The only person on this court I feel sympathy for is you bruh. Now, I know you got a sister, aunt, daughter, niece or at least a mother. You wouldn’t want some jerk verbally abusing them like you’re doing this queen.
“Queen?” he laughed, obviouslly amused. “Don’t try to turn a THOT into a queen. My sister would never thirst trap niggas by showing that much skin.”
“We’re on a basketball court my nigga,” a dark skin man who was also on our team corrected, in a very humorous tone of voice. I think he said his name was Tedrick, but he looked dead on Idris Elba.
“Dee-zamn, “Tedrick continued. “This ain’t the 50s. You expect a woman to dress like a nun while shooting hoops?”
“Hahahahaha,” the group of men laughed.
“I hope you know you’re losing,” Eden asserted. “You’re losing at life and you’re losing as a man, because you’re perpetuating the very catcalling & rape culture your daughters will have to fight when they grow up.”
“Rape culture?” the tall misogynist repeated, with a scrunched up face. “The fuck?”
“Yes,” Eden affirmed. “For you to be with a group of men surrounded by a woman, and speak to her like this, you’re a walking definition of it. A woman’s safety should never be threatened, because many men find her body attractive. THAT is rape culture.”
“Is it Rape Culture,” he replied, “or does your single ass just dress like a whore & provoke it??”
“Nigga! Tedrick replied, stepping in front of the tall misogynist. “Whore?”
“You’re starting to get way out of line with how you’re talking to this young woman,” I warned, stepping next to Tedrick.
“Nah, it ain’t even like that,” the tall misogynist back pedaled, “I wasn’t callin’ HER a whore, she’s a queen. I’m just saying these hoes on Instagram wanna thirst trap all day, then cry rape culture when a nigga want to see what’s up.”
He pulled out his iPhone, turned 90 degrees so we could see it, scrolled in his camera roll, pass the picture he snapped of Eden’s plump butt, to a screen shot of a picture on Instagram.
“See,” he continued, “these broads made this page called ‘@ByeFelipe’. Look, it says, ‘Calling out dudes who turn hostile when rejected or ignored.’ Like how are you on Instagram, snapping naked pics of the cakes, then get mad when a nigga tryna see if you ‘bout that life? That’s some bullshit. And tell me you saw what happened to Ms. Kerry?”
“Who Keri Hilson?” a guy from the other team asked.
“Nah, Cari Champion,” the tall misogynist corrected. “From Steven A. Smith’s show on ESPN. She stays posting all these thirst traps on Instagram, look.
Then. this White Comedian who used to be on the Howard Stern Show started roasting her as for it on twitter. Pure comedy.”
After seeing the rape joke screenshots on in his camera roll, including the sexually violent and racist twitter rant Artie Lange directed at Ms. Cari Champion, I went off.
“Pure comedy?” I responded. “Tell me, what’s funny about rape jokes? You think it’s funny to make fun of the fact that 1 of every 3 women are physically or sexually abused at some point in their lives?
Laughing at that is the definition of male privilege. We as men only find humor in domestic violence against women, because we subconsciously know we don’t deserve the power over them society gives us from birth.
We are told to praise a human-male God, instead of the spirit of God, despite the fact both gender and humans would’ve had to have first been created by your-God in the first place. Misogyny is pure comedy, because it’s fueled by cognitive ignorance.
“I’m just saying,” the tall misogynist responded, verbally digging himself in an even bigger hole, “these hoes should put on some damn clothes and respect their self if they don’t want to be objectified and asked for sex.”
“So, by your same logic, these young Black men shouldn’t put on a hoodie and sagging jeans if they don’t want to be stopped, frisked and shot by Police? You’re a fuckin’ joke, bruh. Why do you hate women so much? Seriously, who hurt you?
It’s funny how some of you so-called ‘men’ will vulgarly curse out a woman & call her bitch, hoe or THOT for rejecting your thirsty advances. Meanwhile, a man will curse you out & call you a bitch over a loss in NBA 2K & you’re all smiley, jokey & flirty around him, scared to speak your mind.”
“Hmmm, sounds rather suspect,” Tedrick replied, in a hilarious tone of voice, erupting all the men in laughter.
“Let me break this shit down for you, bruh,” I continued. “See, no matter what you see a woman wear, if you can see her cleavage or derriere, it gives you no right to touch her body or curves, with your hands or hateful words.
It’s not up to women to dress in a way that doesn’t arouse a man. It’s up to is as men to control our lust & think w/ our brain head, not our dick head.
There is so much more to a Woman than the clothes she wears, her style of hair or her pictures online. Just because she has fans & gets attention, doesn’t mean she allows all that attention to go to her head. Just because some ‘females’ show their bodies off for attention online, does NOT mean all ‘women’ do.
Just because she likes taking pictures of her body in outfits, does NOT mean she’s vain, stuck up, cocky, or coincided. Beautiful spirited Women are some of the most HUMBLE, down to earth, intelligent, spiritual, deep thinking women.
The reason she doesn’t hit or reply to a lot of you self-proclaimed ‘niggas’ on social networks & in person, who subject her to your thirsty advances is not because she’s trying CURVE you bruh. She just knows you genuinely have nothing to offer her.
Beautiful Women do not take this social network b.s. seriously. Twitter, IG & Facebook is purely entertainment when she’s bored. She has a LIFE outside of Instagram. I know, because I’ve dated Beautiful Women, you’d consider “InstaFamous” or “TwitterFamous”.
But really, in REAL LIFE, they are sweet, caring, humble women. With goals, with drive, with a mind, with feelings. Who do not care at all about how popular they are online. You can like her pics, but you can never begin to see the depths to which her mind is able to reach, because she’s much more than what your eyes can capture through a picture.”
The room of men begin to clap, and yell in agreeance. I looked around and noticed many of the men wearing wedding bands, proving only coward males need to verbally degrade a woman to feel more of a man. A confident man can acknowledge a queen & show one respect, even if it mean’s calling out another male.
“Now, I agree with 99% everything you said,” Tedrick confessed, “but there’s one thing we differ on.
“What’s that?” I asked with a smile, after seeing Eden’s bright smile out of the periphery of my eye.
“Well, you said a woman’s style of hair doesn’t define her,” Tedrick replied, “but I beg to differ. I feel it says so much about her self esteem, or lack thereof. For instance, what’s your stance on weaves vs. natural hair?”
To be continued. Part 2 next Thursday.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
For booking, speaking events: AEAseem@gmail.com