Why MEN choose BAD Bitches over SWEET, genuine, WIFE material Women


Why men choose BAD Bitches over SWEET girls, every time.

A woman asked me this today during my motivational speak to a room full of 130 Women. I told her,

“Males like self-proclaimed ‘bad bitches’ (SSBB), because they feel she wants a man, but doesn’t NEED a man and she is simply not as emotionally high-maintenance as a sweet girl.

Sweet girls care so much, about everything & require even MORE emotionally. They have abandonment issues & trust issues that get aggravated when the man they like doesn’t give her enough deserved attention.

By: Ebrahim Aseem Follow @fuel4thebody
Instagram: @Fuel4TheBODY

She will start to feel unwanted. Yet, she will not call the guy she likes out, in fear he’ll say:
“You’re crazy.”
“You’re doing too much.”
“Damn, stop being so over-emotional.”
“See, this is why I’m unsure about us. You’re Expecting too much of me.”

Sweet girls suffer chronic migraine & anxiety attacks no one knows due to constantly being misunderstood, unheard & being made to feel she has to internalize her feelings.

Sweet girls constantly fear the littlest thing she does or opens up about will be judged, scrutinized or scare the guy she likes away, so she apologizes for everything.

Sweet girls be like,

“Am I talking too much?”
“You don’t think I’m weird for saying that, do you?”
“Sorry, I know this is boring you.”
“I’m sorry if I’m annoying you, am I asking too many questions?”

Being raised by a woman who always told her, ‘girl shut up’ or ‘no body cares’ led her to being so gaurded.

We make our women feel like they have to apologize for merely existing.
Every fashion magazine you read keeps telling you how ‘ain’t shit’ you are.
Articles be like,
‘oh you’re still wearing those same shoes? Bitch, you ain’t shit.’
‘You’re still wearing your hair like that? Bitch, you ain’t shit.’
I hate the word bitch. Why is every word we call our woman an ANIMAL?

Bitch = dog. Nag = horse. Chick = bird. Slut = pig. She’s a woman. Every man ever born, SHE created. Your God choose HER. RESPECT her, so she won’t apologize for her existence in life.


Any time she DOES find the back bone to speak her true feelings, it must be accompanied with a “lol” or “jk” to lighten up her assertions.

This annoys the hell out off men. That is why the guy you like ignores your texts.
He would rather have flirtversations with ‘bad bitches’ on Instagram,
instead of conversing with a sweet, caring, passive-aggressive, over emotional, over-apologetic woman like you.

When a sweet girl likes a man, she needs to hear from him everyday, every minute, just him and her, on some ‘The Notebook’ type shit.

If she texts him & he doesn’t respond within 2 minutes of her pressing “enter” in her mind, she’s like, “oh, ok, so you ain’t got time to text me back, but you got time to be over there, breathing air, existing and shit, living your life without me? You know what? Fuck you. I gave you my all. I gave you my heart, my WHOLE heart & you shitted on it & lit it on fire. I gave you whole my soul, and you…oh shit, he just texted me back! “Hey babe, I missed you 😦 wyd?” smh. Fail.

“I’ve been constantly told I’m too sweet and too easy by my girls who consider themselves, ‘bad bitches’,” one girl complained. “Sometimes I feel like I have to change the sweet person I am just to keep a guy. I hate how jealous I get of my girl and her man. It’s like I am happy for her, but she’s a bitch to guys and she’s rewarded. Where’s my reward for being sweet? Should I just be more like a bad bitch?

“Please no,” I pleaded. “It’s not that you are ‘too sweet’ queen. It’s just, what good is it to be sweet without being confident. The beauty of chocolate is that it combines the sweet taste of sugar with the bold confident flavor of cocoa. Just be yourself, the most confident version of self you can be.

A sweet woman who lacks self-confidence turns a guy off, because he knows she will try to make him her whole world and rely on his text to give life to her dead confidence level.

A confident woman does not depend upon the communication from a man to dictate how she feels about herself. She texts a man when SHE wants to. She’s not here for small talk. If it’s not about him planning a date, or to come swoop her up & spend time, she’s uninterested.


It is not your job to keep belittling her, putting her down, calling her names & making fun of everything about her you don’t understand.

Instead of telling our women, “stop being such a crazy, over-emotional bitch” let’s start telling our women,

“When will you awaken to the realization that your smile is meant to be permanent. You flash it like a camera, but it was meant to be a light. Moon you shine so bright, and I’m the spark that was put into your life, for me to make you my wife, into your soul, speaking life. Let go, allow our souls to ignite.”

“Ebrahim, I have been in a relationship for 5 months now and I just found out I was the side the whole time,” a Canadian-American woman complained. “He was cheating and didn’t even hide it well. I screen-shot all the convos he had with this girl from the United Kingdom, the stereotypical bad bitch type, and I feel more hurt from this man cheating emotionally than I ever have for a man cheating on me sexually.

Like, why do guys open up more to random girls online than they do to their own woman? Whenever I ask him how he’s doing, he always one word responds, ‘I’m good.’ Yet, when he was texting his little hoes online, he told this girl losing his uncle really hurt him, because that was his best friend and role model, and it affects his anger issues.”

A single tear formed in her eye, then, she started to cry and sob.

“Like, Ebrahim,” she continued, “why couldn’t he open up to ME? I cared. I showed him love. I opened up to him, about my abandonment issues, being starved of love from my mom, always belittled and silenced by my family. I swear emotional cheating is the worst thing a man can do, and I just want to know why am I not good enough for a man to let me inside his heart?”

“On behalf of all men, I apologize to you queen, I said with a sigh. Hearing her testimony really struck a chord with me. “You deserve so much better.

Mentally immature males fear exposing himself emotionally. The world makes men think we have to hold in our emotions. Males will open up to a S.P.B.B., because she won’t make him cry or break down like he NEEDS to. His opening up will only lead to her stroking his ego, subsequently burying his emotions

See, a S.P.B.B. knows she can steal a sweet girl’s man, simply by playing into the playboy fantasy adolescent-minded males possess.

The 5-step Bad Bitch Guide to attracting a guy.

1. Emojis.
Half her conversation is in emojis, appealing to the visual nature of a male. She knows, the right combination of hearts, kissy faces & winks is the cheat code to unlocking the attention of a male.

2. Goofy banter.
This is where the SPBB has the sweet girl beat. Her conversation is always light, fun and goofy. She knows how to appease a male by pretending to like whatever he likes, be it sports, video games, gangster movies, trap music or criticizing other women. She’s fully aware that more than looks, men are attracted to a woman with a fun, goofy vibe.

3. Ms. Independent
A SPBB is quick to tell you how much she doesn’t need a man. How much of her own she has. Don’t worry about the fact she doesn’t pay all the rent where she lives. We’re in a down economy and she’s got her own *Neo voice*

And she doesn’t need a man for anything. If one acts up, she replaces him just as fast. In fact, she has more side hoes than any guy in her phone. The majority of which she met online. This is how she stays independent and so emotionally low-maintenance. She subscribes to the mantra “if a guy pays your way, he will think you OWE him something sexually.” Males in her life eat this up, happy they don’t have to treat her to a date.

4. Stroke his throbbing ego to climax.
a SPBB knows how to subtly post the right caption-selfie combination to arouse a male’s throbbing ego, for her to subsequently stroke.

She will post a revealing picture of her body, with an un-thirst–trap-like-caption, like,

“ugh, I’m getting fat, need to get in the gym more like this and tone”.

Meanwhile, in her picture, she’s wearing spandex boy shorts & a lingerie bra (not a sports bra) in her house (not at the gym).

Yet, somehow we’re supposed to believe she’s in a gym. She can’t spell “elliptical” trainer, let alone properly use one. But, it’s ok, and it’s not “thirsty” simply, because her picture caption is a goal, and a woman with goals is to be admired.

Here come all the thirsty males commenting on her picture, vying for her attention, hoping to get noticed. She posts her selfie, chooses the male-option who sucks the least, then stroke his ego.

“Aww thanks guys,” She says to all.
“Gotta stay fit ;)” she replies to a random girl, to make it seem like her post isn’t aimed at gaining male’s attention.
“You’re so sweet handsome,” she tells our lucky winner.

And what does he win? Vain, pointless, goofy convo with a bad bitch. Ah, but at least he didn’t have to sit through an hour-long convo with that sweet girl about her trust issues again, right? I think you’re starting to sense my heavily intentional sarcasm.

5. Never open up. Never show the real her.

A SPBB’s secret weapon is she never opens up to a guy about her true feelings. Her grandpa could have died last night, and she will still send a guy a #GoodMorning selfie like nothing tragic happened in her life.

She smiles so bright, yet she’s fighting demons every day, with noone to talk to about it. No one cares. And the ones who claim they want her time so badly, are always never there.

Guys be thinking girls are looking for a daddy figure in random men. Nah, she’s really looking to life for the nurturing mother she’s never had.

Self proclaimed bad bitches are really sweet girls inside. But she got tired of being trampled over, emotionally stepped on & having her sweet nature taken for weakness. So she decided to become emotionless. It’s not hard to be emotionless, when you legit don’t feel anything anymore.

When will the SPBB awaken to the realization she’s much more than the bad bitch she calls herself?
When will the sweet girl mentally mature into a sweet WOMAN and match confidence with her sweetness?

“Every song that’s hot features a guy saying, ‘I love bad bitches, that’s my fuckin problem,” a natrualista with glasses on complained. “It’s like if we don’t look like that, light-skinned, ass shot-having, perky boobs with cleavage showing, hazel eye contacts wearing, no cellulite possessing bad bitch, men don’t want us.”

“Males do not choose bad bitches over a sweet woman, they USE bad bitches over a sweet woman, because she does not challenge him to grow up like a sweet girl does,” I confessed. “Stay sweet. These males are trying to tell you they are not yet on your level of life maturity, but you refuse to listen.

A bad bitch will not require him to make her a wife, before making her a mother.
Sweet girls lowkey have baby fever. They will never admit they secretly hope for a “positive” on that pregnancy test. Grown ass little boys fear fatherhood, so he will choose a bad bitch over a good girl.

A bad bitch will not require a man to answer that ‘what are we’ text. In fact, she will never send it.
Sweet girls can literally know she’s not anywhere near ready for a relationship, yet she wonders what your intentions are with her. She knows she is wife material. She has her ring picked out. She has dress patterns screenshot. Her pinterest is full of home decor and bedding sets. She’s ready for marriage. Grown ass little boys fear faithful commitment, so he will choose a bad bitch over a good girl.

A bad bitch always knows the latest slang, latest song, and she’s seen the video. That outfit those vixens were wearing in it, she searched their Instagram names and has already online-pre-ordered the dresses they wear. For this reason, a bad bitch is a trophy to a grown ass little boy.

Immature males care more about getting approval from OTHER MEN than they care about what a woman thinks. As suspect as this sounds, it is true. This is the number one reason males choose a bad bitch over a sweet girl, for make approval.

Males have this competition with each other, who can have the hottest car, who rock the hottest shoes, and who can have the hottest woman. Hip hop has coined this the century of the bad bitch, so no matter what an immature guy really wants, he will always choose a bad bitch over a sweet girl. Who the hell wants a sweet girl anyway? A gentleman does. We hate this bad bitch phase with a passion. Say goodbye to the reign of the bad bitch.

Welcome to the era of the Sweet Woman.

I want a sweet woman.
By: Ebrahim Aseem Follow @fuel4thebody

I want a sweet woman.
I want a woman who cares.
I want an affectionate woman who likes to cuddle, pinch my cheeks, rub my beard, rub her feet on my leg, poke me in my arm repeatedly, only so I will grab her sweet ass and tickle her until her pretty, bright smile shines like the midnight moon.

I want a woman who cares so much, about animals, nature life, who will treat my dog like she’s her own child. Who I can surprise at work with 1-800 Flowers & she won’t think it’s corny. Who I can take to the beach at night and gaze at the stars with, while I rub her feet and recite poetry to her.

I want a nerdy women who like random facts, animal planet & anything regarding the universe.
I want a sweet woman, who watches more than reality tv. Let’s cuddle up & watch the travel channel. Each pick two of our favorite locales, put them in a hat & whichever you pull we will vaykay there.

This! #Romance #Affection #EbrahimAseem #FullArticle => => http://wp.me/sT7Bl-sweet

A post shared by Ebrahim Aseem (@fuel4thebody) on

I want a sweet woman who likes home decor and picking out patterns for my living room. Let’s have a mall date, go pick out furniture and you can teach me about color patterns and Feng shui.

Then, I’ll take your pretty ass to Sephora for an hour-long shopping spree and you can get whatever you like on me, and get pretty for our dinner and opera date that night.

I want a sweet girl I can take to the opera, a comedy show, to hear live jazz, or oldies, or 90s R&B or Neo-Soul. Let’s have bbq lunches in the park and dates to the zoo. I’m a big ass kid at heart.

I want a sweet woman to take on a date to PUMP IT UP, so we can push all the snotty-nosed children out the way & play, bounce & JUMP in that shit. Grab some PIZZA for lunch, some ICEEs & cotton candy. Then we can go play laser tag, after I whoop her ass in bowling real quick.

I want to wife the type of Woman who would let me bring my lil niece on a date WITH us to the aquarium, or paintballing, or to the park to have a water balloon and water gun fight. I love to laugh & have fun & I need that in a Woman.

I want an sweet woman who loves adventure, who I can take white water rafting, skydiving, or to the gun range. A woman I can hoop with, lift weights & work out with, jog with, a woman unafraid to get her hands dirty with me.

I want a sweet girl with an old soul who has so much love and affection to give. I have dated the self proclaimed bad bitch before, and I must confess, their pretty, sexy, fine, curvy asses bored the hell out of me.

Silly, goofy, sweet, corny, nerdy, healthy, home designing, wedding shower planning, baby fever having women are everything life has to offer. I just want to give her two rings, two children and two yorkies, two trips overseas per year, two cars, but most of all, I want to give her two words, I do.

And every mentally mature man I have ever met in my 10 years of youth mentoring to men want the same damn thing too. Real men love sweet women.

By: Ebrahim Aseem Follow @fuel4thebody
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
IG: @Fuel4TheBODY
Blog: RealNewsPaper.wordpress.com
Motivational #SpeakLife vidoes: Youtube.com/RealNewsmagazine

I am a chef, motivational speaker, nutritionist and author, of West African ancestry. I speak isiZulu & Swahili I’ve been a youth mentor for young Black men for 10 years.
Book me to speak at your unversity! Currently doing a college speaking tour on this & many topics.
For booking: AEAseem@gmail.com

Request your free copy of my book once you follow me on facebook => http://Facebook.com/AEAseem

Attention InstaHoneys #EbrahimAseem

A post shared by Ebrahim Aseem (@fuel4thebody) on


About Ebrahim Aseem

I am a chef, writer & motivational speaker. I've been a youth mentor for young Black men for 10 years & I'm currently shopping my first book, "Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women"
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18 Responses to Why MEN choose BAD Bitches over SWEET, genuine, WIFE material Women

  1. mirah says:

    Good day sir
    I am Mirah,I live in SA,I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2years,it was a week before my birthday,we were living together with his son that I loved as my own,still do,I moved out of the house because we were not getting along anymore,not constantly fighting because it came to a point whereby I stopped confronting him,and telling him how I felt about the things he was doing causing me so much pain,everytime I approched him he would be so defensive,so eventualy I stopped,I was loyal,faithful,caring,loving,and patience,but as time went by I realised that all those values meant nothing to me,as he would go&be with another woman leaving me&his son alone in the house,I needed him for protection,comfort&all that a real men should do to keep his position in the relationship,I kept my figure rite,my hair up to date,dressed nicely,I am independent I gt a nice job in the government,I come from a good family,raised to be a good woman,m respectful,everyone in his family loved me for my personality,but he was too blind to see all the things I just mentioned,I am not bragging,but I realised (after reading your posts) that I don’t anyone to tell me if am a good woman or not,I am I know that(with confidence) I don’t need a men for what they have,their fancy cars,money? 4 what? I was tought to work hard,be responsible in any way.Coach this guy was not even loyal to me but to the baby mama,who was not even contributing anything positive in her own son’s life,school,cothing,education,she was nothing but trouble maker and my ex-boyfriend allowed her to get away with it.it was bad,I felt that I am not getting the respect I deserved,RESPECT! And I left,my heart was sore,he didn’t even fight for our relationship,so it hurt even worse,I gave him all the things he bought me,like a cell phone contract,and left the house with nothing but my clothes,shoes&bags,left the rest with him,my decor staff,bedding sets&all of the staff,all you can think of! I told myself I will walk with ma pride&dignity,that is irreplaceble,the furniture and stuff I will buy again! Its been two months now.I eventualy stopped crying! THE I came across your articles,started reading them as much as I can,healing began, I must say coach your news letters have mad a huge diffrence in my life ever since the break up,I know my worth,I love&respect myself,and I now understand that boys will not fight for you,defend you from baby mamas who will constantly want to hurt your emotions,will sleep around with every girl in their neighbourhood! BUT real men,will never allow the temptations of this world get between them&their woman,they will love you,respect you,provide for you and protect you with all they got,because they know that good woman deserve all that. Thank you so much for opening my eyes,boys vs real men! Until the real men comes along,I’l keep my legs closed!

    Kind regards

  2. Akinyi says:

    I couldn’t agree more to this. Ebrahim you have outlined the truth 360 degrees. Grown boys don’t want sweet girls, someone who will drive them to their optimum potential, they want a bad bitch to stroke their ego. It’s only a boy who needs to be assured of his manhood. There’s no exceptions.

  3. Marcus Hill says:

    Men dont “choose” bad bitches. We USE bad bitches… if your a good woman, stay a good woman.

  4. Wow I see me I am a sweet woman and love it and will not change it. I use to think I wasn’t good enough I wasn’t pretty enough it has taken years to understand that I am worthy of so much more and the fact that I am pretty I am good enough so I’m so excited and happy to be me. I haven’t always been confident didn’t always know my power my worth as a beautiful sweet woman it took so many years to become the person I am today. And I so thankful and grateful today as for me I’m am a awesome sweet woman.

  5. Ebony says:

    lost cause…although some may say “I’m still wet behind the ears ,I shouldn’t be worried about something like this #WellIam.I think I’m at a point of no return/stella got to get her groove back.

    It started early on for me.When I met my first love threw a mutual friend.Mind you he was always around.Just with another associate so I paid him no nevermind.But a year or two later have testing out the ropes of college an coming back home both of our past “flings” was out of the picture.We fell head over hills he was staying with me I was motivating him supporting him (as far as life working maintaining his 5kids at the time).Mind you I had to be around 19 or 20 around the time an he was 23 or 24.Now I was not naive moreso you stick it out threw thick an thick no matter what.So in the beginning he was sweet everything I wanted ….if he wasnt with me he was calling…but that he started disappearing maybE a year in didnt hear from him on wks at a.time n when i brought it to his attention he always brushed it ….n made validation saying he was there now….make a long story short we lost a child i moved n we just wasnt around each but he always foubd a way to find me text message or wateva after a year of us being apart i asked him wat was his status if he be truthful maybe we Can start over as friends.HE LIED …in fact he had a baby on the way along with just previously having another makn 7total at 28.
    .thats when I was done it wasnt the kids it was him cheating with his baby mommas my ex bestfriend an random hoes it was none of that.It was the fact that …I had pictures proof an everything
    …An all I ask of him was give me enough respect just to tell me even with pics right in face HE COULD NEVER MAN UP AN JUST SAY WHAT HE DID ….THAT IS WEN I FINALLY LOST ALL HOPE FOR IT ALL #WhatIsLove

  6. Connie says:

    Sorry, but this is bull. If this were true, men would not complain about black women having such attitude. And I have to agree with Marcus Hill.

  7. Matthew Gage says:

    Interesting article. However, my main problem with this is that it is written with huge gender role generalizations and stereotypes. There are plenty of gorgeous women that are incredibly sweet just like there are plenty of emotionally damaged women that have the “bad bitch” complex. Sweet women don’t all have emotional problems and every gorgeous woman isn’t insecurity free.

    Men don’t choose “bad bitches” over “sweet girls”. They choose what’s attractive to them over what’s unattractive to them. There are men who find high maintenance “bad bitch” behavior unattractive and there are men who find women with insecurities they had no part in creating unattractive. At the end of the day men choose women because of their own personalized reasons.

    If a woman is interested in ALWAYS being the first pick, she should focus on perfecting her inner being AS WELL AS her outward appearance.

  8. Chris says:

    I really don’t think that this is true. We definitely use bad bitches, but in the and we need the good girls. Don’t get me wrong, there deafly girls out there with the potential to be bad at the same time a good girl. There def needs to be a balance between both.

  9. Cierra Owens says:

    Omg! You’re post has spoke sooooo much life into me as a woman, mother, sweet girl. My heart has been trampled, neglected, abused mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I got my heart broke but I’m healing and your post has given me another look on my growth thank you. You have made my night!

  10. Gabi says:

    I absolutely loved this post. It meant a lot to me to read something like this. I feel so misunderstood sometimes and like I will never find that loving man for me. I read this and it brought tears to my eyes. I am that woman that was described in the closing poem and I want a man who would do those things for me. It’s tough being a sweet woman but I would not have it any other way. I cannot be anything but who I am.

    I want a man who wants a sweet woman.
    A man who will hold my heart and pray with me until we become one with God.
    I want a man who would sit up with me looking at stars and giving them our own names.
    A man who will accept, understand and appreciate a sweet woman.


  11. Twelve21 Designs says:

    Damn. I agree with Cierra. You have made my night. You will always get people that will disagree with you because that’s just what they do, especially people who can’t spell (sips tea lol). They find one thing you say that they disagree with and use it as an example for the entire article. However, it’s always good to see someone argue back because you know you just closed their book meaning you read their ass. I can’t lie, you just read me too!

    The truth of the matter is you are not referencing all men or all women, so I’m not sure how anyone could disagree with you. Read people! I think it was dead on and truthful. It does happen. I’m a witness to it all and like I said before, “You, Sir, have made my night.” *closes book*

  12. kipknee says:

    Shouldn’t the title be “Why SOME men choose bad bitches…”? This might’ve been a good article, but you totally lost me with the gross generalizations.

  13. Alicia Bonner says:

    This article was very helpful.

  14. Joe says:

    I as a representative of my male compradres can honestly say, that you Ebrahim are totally on the money with this. Its time for us men to do better

  15. HowTrue says:

    Just too many very high maintenance stuck up women these days, and that is very sad.

  16. Annie says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your article is not only enlightening but has been the tonic for my weary heart. I’m the sweet girl who is exhausted by men overlooking me for bitches. Today is the day i stop being a doormat. You are a real man

  17. lala797 says:

    Reblogged this on My view from the window. and commented:
    Love this guy

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