Taken & Loyal Women get so lonely, they feel single.
Her phone barely rings. She constantly feels unappreciated. All her loyalty goes unacknowledged & unreciprocated. She stays sexually frustrated, especially at night. She rarely goes out to have fun, because some of her girls are jealous she has the level of commitment that eludes them. A Taken woman’s man spends less time with her now, then he ever did when they were just “talking”, proving they should have “courted” instead.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Just as some mentally immature females are not yet relationship ready, some mentally immature males are not yet relationship ready. Once he has her full commitment, he stops doing all the things he did to get her.
Good morning texts stop. Late night conversations stop. Flirting stops. The goofy and silly banter stops. Intimacy and sexting gets boring & predictable, same ole soup, warmed over. She stops getting those butterflies in her stomach and random smiles at the mention of his name like when they first met.
She gives her man the respect of a husband, by shutting down any male who does even the slightest hint of flirting with her. Yet, even the women on her man’s social networks get more attention from him they his own woman does. Taken and loyal women really feel like widows at times, because they are in a relationship with a boring, unexciting, predictable male, not man, but male.
Never let a woman get bored with you. Be spontaneous, constantly show her something new. Bring something unique to the table, she has never experienced before in a relationship. Virtuous women are looking for something they never had in a Man before.
Penetrate her mind, and her body will follow. Arouse a woman’s intellect with the head connected to your brain, not just the head connected to your penis. Hold her down with your strong hand of wisdom, build her up with your compliments. Pour confidence inside her, so she falls in love with her self, body mind and soul. The strongest woman wants to lose control in your strong embrace. Be stimulated cognitively by your intrinsic touch. Penetrated by your intellectual prowess. Overwhelmed by your mental penetration. This mental stimulation must be constant and reciprocal, else the one you love will get bored with you.
Just because a woman has fallen in love with a man, does NOT mean she won’t cut you completely off if you fail to make her feel wanted CONSISTENTLY. Just because a mentally mature man has fallen in love with a woman, does NOT mean he won’t start losing respect for you if your physical beauty & amazing curves start becoming the ONLY thing you have to offer him. Love must grow into care, where two kindred forms of matter become ONE.
Diamonds are not just to be pursued. Once you capture a diamond, that is when the real WORK must be put it to KEEP it. A beautiful woman is like a diamond in that regard. Once she gives you all her attention, you have to KEEP her attention by doing all that you did to get her, plus more. Don’t get it twisted.
Don’t take a woman’s loyalty as a weakness. Should could legitimately have dozens of suitors if she wanted. She gets approached by tall, handsome, wealthy men all day long, but she chooses to turn them down to stay loyal to you. Stop taking that for granted. She could have a different guy take her out on a date every night, but she CHOOSES to be loyal.
When a loyal woman likes a man, she will be loyal to us even without a title and faithful to us even before official commitment, but when she’s tired & fed up, she will drop us without a second thought. Don’t ever make a loyal woman regret the decision to be loyal to you.
“I wish I could say social networks don’t matter but it’s destroying our relationship,” a breathtakingly beautiful, interior designer asked me during a relationship counseling session. “He pays more attention to this girl from Instagram than he does to me. Follows her on everything and likes all her pictures. She’s his top Snap Chat friend as well, I don’t even feel important. When I mention things like that to him, he doesn’t reassure me that I am who he wants. He thinks I should feel lucky for even having him.”
“You are important young queen, he loves you,” I reassured her. “It’s just that he simply does not want commitment with just one woman at this point in his life and he is telling you that constantly with his actions.
When a man OPENLY likes all the pictures of other women on Instagram, knowing damn well you can see it, he is trying to tell you something. When a man OPENLY shows more attention to another woman his phone and via social networks, even after you have made him aware you know about her, he is trying to show you something specific about how he feels about the relationship, and you obviously are not getting the picture.
The reason your boyfriend flirts with other women online openly and in front of you is, because he is tired of being exclusively committed to only one woman.
Repeated infidelity is a cry for help and a way for a coward to break out of a relationship. He is too scared to break-up with you, because he is a coward, so he cheats and gives other women attention openly and in your face on a social network, so YOU can be the ‘bad-guy’ and break up with him. In a weak-minded male’s mind, this tactic is logical, because he feels rather than leave you broken by him breaking up with you, he wants you to feel empowered by breaking up with him because of his infidelity. Stupid tactic indeed.
The reason a weak-minded, non-sex-addict male commits infidelity is, because he is not fully in love with you anymore, as he subconsciously feels he can never DESERVE someone as amazing and loyal as you. Prove he is right & move the hell on. Stop staying seated in an unlocked prison cell. Escape queen.
“What if you have so much to offer and he still treats you with disrespect?”
“Then honestly, it shows you lack SELF respect, to stay with a MALE who treats you with disrespect. You are not the problem queen, he is the problem, but staying LOYAL to a man who disrespects you with constant infidelity is NOT the solution. You know he is being unfaithful with this IG honey. You know he DMs her and they snap chat intimate pictures of each others’ body parts.”
“That’s disgusting,” she complained.
“It is disgusting,” I agreed. “But, any male who has Snap Chat has it for one of two reasons, business or exchanging nudes. Any male who has Instagram, has it for two reasons, business or sexting, exchanging numbers with random women, or to screen shot pictures of half-naked women for masturbation-material.
“We’ve been together for 3 years. I just didn’t want to give up, she complained. “But the fact that he knows it bothers me and doesn’t care to change it tells me I should. Sometimes it’s just hard to let go.”
“It’s HARD to give birth,” I compared, “but if you don’t push, you will destroy that beautiful little life. Now, if you don’t PUSH that snake out your life, you will destroy your SELF. Give birth to self-love. Give birth to self-confidence. Give birth to self strength. Even though it is hard, PUSH queen. Your strength through pain is impressive to the one who created you.
Now, if you insist on attempting to make this relationship work, I want you to tell him you want his loyalty and want to make your relationship with him exclusive.”
“How should I do that?” She asked.
“As open as you are communicating with me,” I responded, “communicate with your man in a monotone, calm voice, without crying, yelling or making assumptions.
Do not give a man your loyalty before he earns it from you first. Do not assume a man is faithful to you, just because you are faithful to him.
If you really like a man and want his loyalty, ask him,
“What do you want out of us? Because I want you. I like you & I would love to see if we can grow into a spiritual relationship. But I’m the type of woman who needs complete loyalty. I know my worth. I have so much to offer you, my friendship, my passion, my affection, my love, my loyalty and my spirituality. I can help you grow spirituality the way no other woman can. I have been honest with you, so I deserve your honesty. I want to know if you want to faithfully commit yourself to me and cut off ties with all your Ex-girlfriends and cease giving your attention to any woman but me?”
Mentally mature men have no intention of cheating on a woman in a relationship. His wisdom will not allow him to commit to a woman if he is legitimately unready to give all his attention to just one woman.
Cheating is for insecure cowards. Cheating is not about sex. If it were, these cheaters would just remain single to sleep with as many as they wanted, then it would not be cheating. Cheating is about control. Manipulation. Filling insecurity.
Cheating is to hold a loyal person’s heart hostage, while one behaves single. They know they could just end it with them at any time to sleep with someone else, but they WANT to stay committed, make their partner suffer, to gain power from their pain.
The one you’re so in love with does NOT always want commitment. Some only want to be with you for a short time, while building their self confidence up and tearing their insecurities down by gaining power at the expense of pain their disloyalty causes you. They can’t wait to drop you & “upgrade”.
But a coward with this frame of mind, will continue to look, yet never be able to find satisfaction for their lack of self confidence.
A mentally mature man gains confidence from remaining faithful. His loyalty impresses himself. He loves nothing more than turning down all the women who want his attention, just so he can give all his attention to that ONE woman who does the same & gives him all of hers.
Why Men Cheat On Loyal Women: Part 2 “Why your boyfriend will never stop loving his EX and still texts her when he’s not texting you.”
Recently, I received an email from a reader of my work that completely humbled me. A young queen asking for relationship advice inspired me to devote a whole chapter to my upcoming book on this very topic. Her email read,
“A confused Heart!
Hello Ebrahim Aseem,
I am 22 years old and I currently reside in Atlanta, GA. I want to start off by saying, you are one of most inspirational people I have ever come across. You have no idea how many times your posts have gotten me through my day. I am having a problem that I pray you have the time to respond to. I have been dating this guy named Justin for the past 8 months now.
Generally, he is a good guy. He does things for me no other man has. Now, I know I’m young and not much time has been implemented into this relationship, but I can honestly say that I love him. He is sweet, caring, and loving. I don’t trust him though. I know what you’re probably thinking, “why are you with him?!”. Honestly Ebrahim, I don’t know. I think it’s because I love him so much, I’m afraid to lose him.
He is still friends with his ex-girlfriend of 8 years off and on. She, along with other girls, would call him at/after midnight and text him. He swore, it was nothing like my female intuition was telling me. So I did what I thought I would never do, I looked in his phone while he was asleep. I was heart-broken. He was still telling her that he loved her, that he eventually wanted to be with her again. Another female was exclaiming how good the sex had been. Others he was just flirting with. Long story short, I forgave him. And like I don’t trust him, he doesn’t trust me.
We got past that, things got good between us again, I had fallen even more deeply in love with him. I was helping him with his family. They don’t have a car right now so I have been helping him with getting to work and everything he asks of me, which isn’t much. I spend majority of my time with him and I think about him all day. I even took him home to meet my family. While visiting the family, he sat me down and told me,
I’m going to do right by you. I love you.” I felt complete. I trusted him again at that very moment. It was naive of me, I know. Recently I asked him what we were, and he basically stated that we’re together without the titles. He said he was content with where we are and we’re still fresh in the relationship. I was a little hurt. I didn’t know how to take it. He says he wants to take things slow because he doesn’t want to ruin anything before it happens.
This past Wednesday, I was picking him up to take him back to my place, my phone went dead and beforehand, my best friend called and wanted to talk to me. So he offered his phone. When he ran into a friend’s house, I quickly glanced at his text messages with his Ex and there he was telling her he missed her and wanted to be with her. He wanted to make things work.
I didn’t question him about, instead I brought it up randomly and asked him if he missed her, if he wanted to be with her, if he still loved her. He said that he has love for her, but he doesn’t want to be with her. He said he doesn’t miss her and that he’s not trying to make things work with them. I just sat there, numb. Because I knew he was lying.
I just really don’t know what to do. I really love this guy so much. But I know I cannot be accepting of this. My best friend always tells me that I’m worth more than this. For some reason, I feel like I will be missing out on something.
One thing I have learned about myself so far in my time of dealing with him is, I love hard. Really hard. When I am committed to someone, I am the most loyal, caring, and loving person. I have never cheated a day in my life, but unfortunately I’ve been cheated on. Numerous times. I often wonder, why haven’t I found someone to commit to me? Someone that loves me, for me? Have I been searching in all the wrong places? I hope that you can give me some insight on what I should do or how to handle this situation I’m in. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I pray that you’re having a blessed day king.
A Confused Heart”
The reason why males continue to text their Ex-girlfriend “I love you” and “I still miss you” is, not because he still loves her. Queen, if your boyfriend still loved his ex, he would still be in a relationship with her and would not be committed to you. Males still text their ex-girlfriend, because he misses receiving the ATTENTION from multiple women vying for his heart.
Understand, some males are way more insecure than a woman could even imagine being. Receiving attention from multiple women gives scorned, emotionally unstable males LIFE, because it feels the crater sized holes in his self-esteem. A weak-minded male wants to FEEL wanted by multiple women who he has no interest in loving or committing to. He uses their attention to sustain his insecurity. He is an emotional wreck and he hides this, by display behavior society deems “masculine”, such as being a womanizer. Weak-minded males act overly mach, because they think women think, a man who shows emotion is soft or unmanly.
A woman does not want a man who has no emotion. She wants a man who knows how to manage his emotions.
But attention from one woman in a committed relationship does nothing for an emotional unstable male, but make him even MORE insecure. Why? He simply knows he lack the emotional stability to keep you satisfied in a relationship. When you tell him, “I love you babe,” he feels so inadequate, undeserving of your love, that he will go in secret, and text his ex “I miss you baby” simply so his ex can text back, “aww, really? 🙂 I miss you too!!!”
He doesn’t miss her. He’ fishting. Fishing for attention from his ex, using flirtatious texts as his bait. Males who like every picture of a particular girl on Instagram, always comment hearts, saying “your body is perfect” or “you are so beautiful” exchanging genital photography with her via Snap Chat, he does not love that IG honey, he is fishting. Fishing for attention from random women, texting undeserved compliments as bait.
This is worse than standard cheating, because he is doing it all day long to a high volume of women all over the world, via social networks. This is why your boyfriend never lets you use his phone. At any time, randomly say, “baby, can I use your phone? mine is dead.” He will say, “where’s your charger?” rubbing his pockets to make sure his phone is still in there.
Anytime you mention a male’s phone and he starts patting himself down all over his body and looking left and right for his phone, know that is a tell-tell sign he has fishting all through his iMessage and social network notifications.
When I was in a relationship with a woman who was self-admittingly insecure, I told her,
“Baby, steal my phone, look at my texts & go through my DMs, else I will start thinking you don’t like me and I will leave you for a crazier woman. An un-loyal man gets annoyed by his woman searching his phone. If you like it, I love it sweetheart. I know I’m loyal, it gives me an opportunity to show it & prove my monogamy. If you don’t check my INSTAGRAM pics daily to notice if there’s a pattern of my conversing with the same girl consistently liking & commenting my pictures, I will confront your ass about it.”
After I told her that, she laughed at my sarcasm and appreciated how I did not try to make her feel she was crazy for her insecurities about the attention I get from women on social networks.
Now, I understand you may love your boyfriend and you want his loyalty, but he has no intention of just giving only you his attention, he does not even value attention from just one woman. He feels he needs attention from non-committed females. Commitment turns him off, this is why it seems like your boyfriend never smiles around you, or is not sexually attracted to you. He is emotionally cheating on you and yes, online cheating counts as cheating too.
Once a male cheats on a woman, and you take him back, he has ZERO love and respect for you. He can not respect someone who lacks the respect for her self to STAND UP to one who stabs them in the back, even if that someone is him. Cheating is treason. Why should a man or woman give someone another CHANCE to hurt them again? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, nah, never give them a TWICE.
You need to look in the mirror & tell yourself this, “Beautiful, why the hell are you giving your ATTENTION & TIME to a weak-minded male who refuses to give you his consistency? Is the presence of a man worth your self-respect? Love your self! Stop trying to teach a child how to be a man! Value yourself enough to walk away from someone who goes out their way to prove how much they don’t love you.”
Allow me to speak life into you. Queen, you hurt, not because you are alone. You hurt because you feel you have WASTED love & time building towards something alone while with him. You feel cheated out of your time & love you poured into a bottomless glass. You deserve so much better and it is all coming your way as long on you keep working on your self and self edifying your mind through wisdom, but please never feel alone. Once someone you loved so much proves to you how much that take your loyalty to them as a joke, laugh at their ignorance and free yourself.
You are now AVAILABLE for someone who can value your worth enough to walk in your life & pour love into YOU for a change. Aren’t you tired of always being the one who has to love so hard? Aren’t you tired of always having to be the one who brings up commitment, like, “so what are we?” Aren’t you tired of wondering if the next time you forgive a make for cheating on you, then lying about it yet again, will be the last? Well now you are free of that. You ARE valuable, like crystal, let someone who PROVES THEY DESERVE YOUR LOVE pour love and life into your glass heart. Your heartbreaking boyfriend was a cancer, not many people are cured of their cancer, you were. Rejoice queen. Your king awaits you.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
My book will be out this summer.
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I love this post. Keep ’em coming!
please come to Kean University!
Philly would love to have you come speak!
I would like to you to elaborate more on this phrase when you mention the quickest way to turn off a mentally mature man completely off is by offering him the most intimate part of your love and loyalty before he earns it with his action..
So intimate part is sexual? Loyalty will be giving him full confidence that he will be the only man I am committed to and no one else. So in this case he feels safe?? Which then will be prone to cheating?
Thanks for taking the time to read this comment and would like to hear from you soo
Please come to Washington DC!!
Im so good i typed in the right words on google tonight for avice over my own confused hurt heart plus a child and more….dang:) thank you for this . I love how you make us feel special and noticed by calling us queens your amazing thanks
I am over 50 years old so not a young woman. After being a widow for 4 years I met a man who I knew since we were both children but had not seen in more than 30 years. He did and said all the “right” things and I thought we were in a “relationship.” I could not imagine a man who was close to 60 years old would be on social media chatting up other women. I recently found out that he lied to me throughout the relationship. When I confronted him with his behaviour he claimed someone had hacked into his computer but the behaviour continued and I knew that it was not a hacker and had to let him go. I am devastated and searching for a way to deal with the fall-out of purging this man from my life. He seemed so perfect and my mind keeps returning to the times when I thought everything was perfect and even though I have severed all connection it is as if I am suffering withdrawal. I am determined not to return to such a disrespectful situation but having such a difficult time dealing with all this anxiety I am feeling. I need some advice!!