I like conversing with deep thinking, classy Black men. Not all of us are ignorant. Not all of us disrespect women & live off women. There are strong, tall, well-groomed, black men who know how to think deep & be a LEADER for a Woman who can appreciate & respect his aggressive manliness. A woman who will honor him, build with him & speak to him with respect.”
“…and that ‘woman’ is anyone, except a Black woman,” a Black man interjected.
“Why do you think so many brothas leave their Black baby momma & kids, go get them a Becky & have a couple curly-haired, mixed kids with hair you can slide a comb through? It’s, because Black women don’t treat you like a man. They speak to you like a boy. Always hit you with an attitude, like they’re mad at the world. Y’all niggas better diversify your dating portfolio. Sticking with these sistas will leave you broke, frustrated, with bad credit & a bunch of nappy headed kids.”
“I gotta call bullshit on your whole stupid ass monologue bruh,” I disagreed. Me & my boys decided to step out & watch the Warriors playoff game at a sports lounge. Unbeknownst to me, the adult beverages were not the strongest spirits I would be digesting that night, rather, the spirit of self hate that inhabited the hearts of a handful of Black male friends, who were friends of friends. I cracked pistachios open as I kicked knowledge to this tall, Black man with long, neat dreads & a wedding band on his finger.
“Why, Mr. ‘Why I still date Black women’?” Neat Dreads asked me. “Oh, I read your shit. I respect what you’re tryna do, motivating women & all. But, these sistas will hold you back man, I’m telling you.”
“How can you bad mouth a Black woman when you were raised by one?” I asked him. “The reason why I refuse to stop dating Black women, like you have, is because despite all our mistakes, shortcomings, sins & flaws, Black women refuse to give up on us brothas. So, I will never give up on our sistas. I will marry a Black woman one day. Then, I will raise a Black girl into a woman, teaching her to love herself & never apologize for being made by the creator to be who she is. The color of your skin has nothing to do with how you behave in a relationship.
Women of all races are beautiful. And that includes our own bruh.”
“So, it doesn’t bother you how Black women always have to question things & interrogate your every move like her whole life is an SVU episode?”
“A woman who respectfully questions everything only irritates a man who has something to hide,” I replied. “If we are as genuine of a man as we portray ourself to her via texts, dates & social networks, our genuine intentions will hold up to strong questioning.
A woman will test you. She sits back & peeps everything. Cross references texts you send today with texts you sent 95 days ago to see if you’re a man of consistency. Don’t mistake a respectful woman’s questioning for being difficult. She can spot red flags from miles away.
Black women intrinsically posses this ability in their DNA, from thousands of years as soldiers in Amazon-esque, African-all-female armies, where she’d use intuition to spot red flags in sleeper agents & deceptive barters.
Serve her honesty consistently & she will feed you a level of affection, respect & love greater than you’ve ever had from a woman. Starve her of attention & commitment, and she’ll get up & dine at a more consistent table.”
“Man, how can these sassy mouthed Black women serve you respect, or feed you anything? Shit, they can’t even cook,” Neat Dreads snapped back.
“Black women baby you. Make excuses for your mistakes. And they ignore red flags my G. My baby mamma let me live with her for 13 months, rent free. I didn’t do chores, pay bills, buy food or babysit my sons. She did it all.
And I had to realize, a Black woman will only bring you down & hold you to the lowest of standards, as a tactic to keep a man, like a crab in a bucket. She knows if she motivates you to pursue your ambitions, you will exceed them & leave her for a White Woman, Asian woman, shit anything except a Black woman with a sista-girl attitude.”
“First of all my G,” I retorted, mocking his slang, “all women treat a man to the level of which he carries himself. If you throw tantrums like a little boy, posses the mentality of an adolescent, lack the authority, leadership &’providing abilities of a man, & sag your pants like a toddler’s saggy, do-do diaper, how the hell can you expect a woman to treat you like a man?”
“Ohhhhhh,” a couple of men reacted, instigating our debate.
“Secondly,” I continued. “Speaking with a Smart mouthed or attitude is not exclusive to Black women. Women of all races do it.
A White Woman is not your doormat. She will regally speak her mind at all times, & be submissive only to the Holy Spirit who created her for man, not man for her.
An asian woman is not your submissive servant. She will stand up for herself & remain loyal only to whoever can respect her.
An Indian woman is not your inferior. She will remain committed to her standards & honor only those who show her honor & value her integrity.
A Latin woman is not your little girl. She will hold to her values, & speak her heart, no matter what any man thinks of it. And she will affectionately adore only genuine men who can support this fully.
A Black woman is not your bitch, your property, your slave. She will ride for you when you behave, lift up her voice for truth when you need to hear it, support you like no other.
We must check ourselves, calling a woman smart mouth or difficult, when we as men speak more harsh, difficult & disrespectful to our OWN women than they do to us.
Don’t call a woman: bruh, bro, dude, or nigga. That is disrespectful, smart mouthed, difficult, & honestly, it’s suspect as hell. She’s a woman. Honor her femininity.
That woman you keep starving of loyalty, affection, attention & commitment is somebody’s wife. Honor her while you have her. Just because a woman loves you, does not mean she won’t hesitate to leave you once she realizes all you can offer her are arguments, immaturity & inconsistency.
“Somebody’s wife?” Neat Dreads mocked, “are you serious right now?
Black women are not raised to be wives. They grow up in fatherless homes, daddy cheated on momma, had a baby by every woman on the block, so all she knows how to be is a Side Chick at worst, or a Strong Single Mother at best. Trust me, I was raised by one.
A sista is who you side chick while you’re getting your money together or wanna have a baby or two. Another race is who you marry when you’re ready to build an empire & raise children.”
“Your opinions reek of self-hatred,” I responded. “If you leave the Black mother of your children to playhouse with a woman of another race & play daddy to her children, while your Black children starve of consistent meals & the love of their father, you clearly hate yourself & your Black mother.
I know a Black man who’s been married to a White woman for 11 years, they have two children & he’s a loving father to those children. But, he also is an amazing father to his Black daughter from a previous marriage. And he does not bad talk his child’s Black mother. He instils confidence in his Black daughter to love herself & I think that’s beautiful.
Love has no race. Spirits have no race. But, if you feel leaving your child’s Black mother for any other race is an upgrade, because she is Black, you bring shame to not just your Black mother. You bring shame to your non-Black wife. When you disrespect a Black woman, you disrespect EVERY woman. No genuine woman of any race finds misogyny & woman slander attractive.”
“Mis-og-any,” Neat Dreads mocked, “How is stating facts misogyny? Even my White wife told me, she had to teach all her EXs how to be catered to, because Black women tend to neglect catering to their men.
Every other race of women know how to honor their man, be submissive to their man, let their man lead. But Black women want to BE the man. She wants to lead, make all the decisions & be the head by herself. that’s why all these Black women are unmarried or in unhappy marriages. They don’t know how to let a man be a man. They can handle a boyfriend, but they don’t know what to do with a husband, like a White, Asian or Hindu woman. That’s why I’d date anyone, expect a Black woman. I ain’t falling for the okie doke.”
“Black women do not want to be the man, wear the pants, or assume the father role,” I replied, “WE are the ones who force them to take our place, leaving her to raise a child alone, after we made her a single mother. We are the ones who turn our back on our sistas, when the world ridicules their natural hair & natural ability to speak their mind, while they emulate their full lips & plump derriere.
We are the ones who will be with a Black woman for two years, while she prays for us, supports our ambitions, backs our dreams while we starve her of faithful commitment. Then, once we finally make get the position, money & prominence she helped us attain, we leave her behind & chose another to benefit off of the man she helped build up.
All these Russell Simmons, Kanye Wests & Michael Jordan dump the sistas who held them down when they had nothing & these ‘brothas’ do not even have our back when our lives our being stolen by police, like an unamred Rekia Boyd.
Black women do honor their man. Black women are soldiers for us. They are on the battle field, fighting for their lives everyday, while these punk ass bad cops try to take our lives away. Where are your Kim Ks? Some of these women can date Black men, take Black dick, but can’t take a stance against systematic oppression & police brutality against Black men.
Do you know who Marylin Mosby is? She’s the Maryland State Attorney who has put her life & career on the line to defend not just an unarmed Black man who was murdered in Freddie Gray. This young sista is making a statement as a member of the judicial system that Black life is just as valuable as all life.”
“Ain’t that the nappy-headed hoe who overcharged them cops in Baltimore?” Neat Dreads joked, “shiiiiiiiiit, I heard them talking about her on Fox News Radio. She’s just looking for attention so her hubby can run for office.”
“You ‘ole Uncle Tom ass mark,” I fired back, “don’t ever fix your lips to refer to a woman of any color as a hoe in front of me. I got sisters. You know, we call women hoes all day long, only to stick our penis in every hole all night long, but she’s a hoe. You got a half a dozen children by four different women? Who are you calling a hoe? You’re the hoe.
Then, you’re gonna call a sista you’ve obviously near seen, met, let alone heard speak, a ‘nappy-head-hoe. First off, her hair is laid. Just like you’ll be laid – out on the floor if you say another disrespectful thing about a Black woman, Marylin Mosby, or any woman in front of me again. And even if her hair was nappy, you got a problem with natural hair? Your wannabe Lenox Lewis lookin’ ass?
If you’re un-aroused by the natural wit of a woman’s speech, the natural kink of her hair, you may be uncomfortable in your own sexuality. A woman’s hair, shape or shade does not define her. Don’t decline her worth in your mind. She’s not some object to be judged by you, or appraised. She’s a virtuous woman to be praised
All virtuous women are queens. I love all women. and certainly,
I love Black women.
Queens. Virtuous; goddesses. I love sistas.
Brown skin is beautiful. Don’t believe me, know it.
Own it! Be acquiescent to a young poet.
Who’s mother is the same shade. What a gorgeous apparatus.
Work of painted, on the face, of a brown canvas.
You’re a queen, because your bills stay paid,
your hair stays laid, your outfits stay slayed.
Despite flaws projected in the reflection of your iris.
Your over critical view of your physical is blinded.
Binded with confessions of you being a perfectionist,
be receptive, your complexion is a blessing.
I know they touch all on your hair, tryna pet it like it ‘pur’
Tell them, “I’m a lion queen, but it ain’t fur.”
Naturalistas, I love you.
Shea butter on ya skin tone,
makes me want to snatch you out the friend zone.
I love Black women, let it marinate.
You we appreciate, queen of the universe,
you carry weight, of the world on your back,
because you do it all alone & it’s hard to take.
And it you ain’t black don’t hate,
just know you emulate everything we create, wait.
Don’t mistake this for shade,
whatever shade you are, you’re great; I just love sistas.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
These poetic lyrics are from Ebrahim Aseem’s newest single “Shea Butter”. Click above to hear or download FREE.
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You speaking up for us black women shows how great of a man you are.I always hear all these negative comments about us and it saddens me that our own men talk/treat us worse than any other race.This piece was so touching to me.Thank you for this
Thank you for speaking up for Black women and educating our not so understanding brothers whom we choose to stick by no matter what. Thank you for the ancient insight as well. I’ve done some studying on my own and I’ve come to learn the Black woman has done extraordinary things and been extraordinary leaders and still came home and honored and supported our men. We have to be strong because the Black man is naturally strong. We are made/built just for them. The problem is not with us being too strong, you will never benefit from someone you do not trust or believe can take care of you. You will never benefit from someone whose always got one leg out the front door at all times. If we feel we cannot trust or rely on you, you will get handled or treated in the manner you choose to treat us. Gratefully AIC.
Makes me want to cry! Than you. Thank you. Thank you!
thank you for speaking up for us. I am so over these self hating little lost boys with Mommy issues. If you like others say that but don’t run down your Mother, Sisters, Aunts, and Grandmothers to justify your reasons for chasing, Becky, Rosita, etc,, Males like him other Ethnicities are VERY welcome to them. They are not assets to Women of any Color. They usually hate Women as People Period.
One problem that’s common amongst the X, Y, and Z generations is that we’ve virtually no concept of what a healthy, functioning romantic relationship looks like in mainstream society. America is no longer the “Leave it to Beaver” society that our grandparents grew up in, and that our parents rebelled against. Sadly, they rebelled to the extent that our generation is paying the price. Instead of idealistic, wholesome behavior traits being the norm in our society, modern pop and hip hop cultures picked up where our parents left off, blazing a trail even further away from God, leaving America’s moral conscience in it’s wake. Lately though, I’ve been noticing more and more Young Adults are trading swag for humility, “running the rat race” for finding their purpose, earning respect instead of demanding it, and choosing selflessness over selfishness. In my heart I know that America’s moral conscience isn’t dead, it’s just waiting to be resurrected by the godly influencers in our society.
Thank you for this beautifully written piece. It’s so refreshing to see a brotha stand up defending sistas. You made my day. Thank you again.
while I don’t agree with dread lock brother….their are issues that should be addressed between black men and black women Problems that link back to the willie lynch letter. and the pain some sisters bring to a relationship when they get dogged by another brother. what do you sisters think?
You have class in defend every Black woman. I really enjoy your articles and it makes my self-esteem a little bit higher each day. Thank you. Thank you, so much.
Oh my , the conversation got heated. I enjoyed reading this
As much as I respect you standing up for Black women, I respect you more for doing that without taking away value from women of other races. So many articles I read build up black women, at the expense of other races. Thank you for standing up for Black wome, and thank you for respecting all women! This was an awesome read
Guess I missed the contest 😦 I love reading your work! It breathes life; keep doing what you’re doing and thank you 🙂
I LOVE THIS!
I felt great reading your article. All women matter even BLACK WOMEN. Thank you
Thank you for standing up for us it makes me so sad when I run into a black man who thinks the way that silly brother did. Yes, there are black women who disrespect, belittle black men and want to run everything with a nasty attitude. Those women have walls up and unresolved trauma, but I’m not one of them thankfully. I did my work, I worked on myself, I want to cater to you, but a lot of times black men wont let you or if some do they mistreat you and think you’re weak.
I am not the reason you chose the caliber of black women you choose. If you keep finding rude black women its time to look in the mirror. Some black men are quick to point out our flaws but fail to realize the flaws you see in us is the same flaw you refuse to see in yourself.
We have a lot of work to do in the area of black love
I literally posted a status about this like a week or so ago without even reading this!
Thank You, thank you, thank you!
I love this article! I applaud you for taking up for the sisters. I have written a book about how we can help keep our young women protected and become strong women who loved her black men. Thank you for this!
This absolutely made my day. Keep up the good Work!
Reblogged this on The Little Lady and commented:
Great read, I need more of this in my life.
Thank you for teaching a thing or two to those ignorant black brothers who think of us Black woman as objects, obstacles, baby making machines and unworthy of marriage. This really means a lot to us Black sisters who are holding it down, holding our own nd trying to raise strong biengs who add value to society even though thier fathers choose to be absent in thier kids life. I’ve never lost hope in black brothers coz I was raised by a strong black king who chose us, his kids and wife over menate ya lefatse!
the white fox treats us black fox like shit yet we still embrace them we need to change n demand respects
I just love this black man he said it the best!!!
Excellent commentary young man! Kudos to you for your respectful articulation of such a controversial subject. Many young men today seem to gave this alternate perspective of black women. Our strength and tenacity has become a burden in relationships. Men need to learn to gain wisdom from the divine feminine. The world’s energy is shifting and it will be the woman who reestablishes balance in the universe. Its good to see that we can uplift each other as a people and overcome much of the self hatred that has been indoctrinated into our culture. Let’s love ourselves and each other. #followthafro
That gave me goose bumps!
Thank you. We are all that you say and more. I’m so glad a black man is finally echoing what we know and have been saying all along.
Thank you, God bless.♏
THANK YOU MY BLACK MAN!
there is hope that there are good brothas
for us, and i know that there are sisters who got issues too, but believe its many good sistas for you brothers. Much respect!
The same men who say hateful and nasty things about black women are the same men who get mad and homicidal when they see a white man with a black woman or start yelling insults when a white man is married to a black woman.
Thank you for that great view of the Black woman.
The respect level of Black women is already at an time low, reading your article made a lot of sense for me. In this time and age I have been present to a few conversations like you had with the Dred head.. It’s very saddening that a lot of Black men think like him. Not all women of color are loud, rude, talk crazy and don’t know how to honor and support a man. What about women who try to keep the non working relationships with the dead beat father, still take care of everything and are called hoe/ bitch/ or want to be a man? We have been forced as women to be more than nurturing loving providers and educators… we have become the lest likely in majority of these cases. I just wanted to say it is refreshing to know and read about intelligent Black men that have not given up on the Black woman! Thank you for your acknowledgement.
Bless you for this! May God bless everything you think of! This was beautiful. Thank you!
Thank you for knowing who a “Black Woman” is. I am a “Black Woman.” married to Black Man. We have been married for 20 years, My husband is sole owner of a Car Dealership. WE survived the economic recession. WE prayed, We played and I stood by him. We are now sending a young Black Man to a HBCU to continue the struggle. Without struggle there is NO progress.
This article bought tears to my eyess..thank you for writing it..
Thank you so much for speaking for all of the races ESPECIALLY THE AFRICAN AMETICAN RACE. Some men if not all men don’t understand why the way we are. I forward this article to my Ex, his reply was shocking after waiting 30 minutes for it! All he could do was APOLOGIZE!! THIS ARTICLE IS FIRE!! LIVE IY AND LOVE YIUR POEM SHEA BUTTER
Bless you a real man speaks on his loyalty to black women. bless you