By: Abayomi-Ebrahim Aseem
When I confessed to my EX’s questioning of my fidelity over a year ago, all she could say was “wow”. She seemed very taken aback by my answer. So today, when I was asked ‘why men cheat’ by a young lady during a Public Speaking event, I was initial hesitant to share the full conversation me and my EX had about her suspicion of my lack of loyalty.
“Can you tell me why all men cheat on loyal Women?” a curly haired PreMed student asked me today, during my public speak to a room full of 300 Women. My response to her question was,
“Males cheat on loyal women to boost their ego. A woman can be perfect for him. Beautiful, career minded, own money, cooks, does whatever he wants her to do in bed, loyal, intelligent, educated, faithful and yet, he will still cheat on her with an ugly, kangaroo looking girl every time. But why? #EbrahimAseem
How a male treats a woman is NOT a reflection of HER worth. Nor is it a reflection on anything she LACKS or is not doing. An overly macho, mentally weak, sensitive-minded male knows he does not DESERVE a strong minded woman. In his mind, he thinks one day she will mentally awaken to the realization she deserves better than him & leave him. #EbrahimAseem This is why males cheat on a woman, to have POWER over her. He cheats on her to boost his ego.
Most “males” are more insecure than women. Notice I referred to a “male” and not a “man”, as there is a distinct difference. Many males have VERY low self esteem. You can tell, that’s why he says, “I only fuck with bad bitches”. He is saying this to convince himself, attempting to drown out his insecurities that are on repeat inside of his own mind.
By cheating on a good woman, it makes a weak minded male feel he has POWER over her. It makes him feel he is worth more than her. A male knows if he cheats on a loyal woman, she will care about him more. Yes, initially she will be shocked a man has the audacity to cheat on her, especially with an “ugly” woman. No; not merely “physically” ugly, no. The word “ugly” describes the particular amount of compassion, sweetness and being genuine and nurturing the woman he cheats with lacks.
A woman whose loyalty is taken for granted will question herself like:
“what is wrong with me?
Am I not I’m pretty enough?
Is my ass not curvy and fat enough for him?
Is my stomach not slim enough for him?
Is it because I won’t let him bring another girl in the bedroom with us?
Is it my smart mouth?
Is it that I’m always “over emotional” like he complains?
What aren’t I doing right?
Should I do more?”
Then she will try to stay with him to PROVE to him she is better than the girl he cheated on her with. To prove to herself she can fight for love and can help him by help changing a bad boy into a good man, fooling herself. This is reverse psychology. A weak minded male just got a Good Woman to mentally submit herself to a mentally immature man, purely by cheating on her. Males use cheating to TRICK a good woman into SETTLING for him. But this mind game many males play cannot and will not work on a Loyal woman who knows her WORTH.
I learned as Men, we must realize that ONE woman who holds us down and stays by our side, after we cheat on her, lie to her, hurt her, use her and disrespect her over & over & over, she is NOT loyal. She is WEAK. She is poisonous. She will hold back your growth as a Man. Don’t be fooled & think a girl telling you what you want to hear is loyalty.
As a mentally mature Man, we need a Woman who will be genuine with us at all times, even if that means she speaks her mind to the point her words pierce us and her tone appears to be “smart mouthed”. In reality, she’s not being “smart mouthed’ she’s being a Queen mentality strong enough to verbally ascend to her throne.
a Loyal, Strong Minded Woman will speak her mind, regardless of what anyone thinks. Tell us the TRUTH. Tell us when we are WRONG. A Loyal woman will not allow us to hurt her multiple times & still accept us. That is NOT loyalty; not at all. That is Pacifying. Babying; Appeasing.
A Loyal Woman will be loyal to your MANHOOD, not loyal to your EGO. A Loyal Woman will tell us the TRUTH, even if that means she might LOSE us. A Loyal Woman will tell us when our shitstinks, even if it makes us mad. A mentally mature man does not want a YES woman. Trust me. We don’t want a girl who will LET us hurt you and abuse you over & over & still accept us back, simply because you keep being told through Instagram Memes that real love must be suffered through and fought for. If she still stays with us after we prove to her time and time again that we genuinely aren’t strong enough as a man to keep her consistently happy in a relationship, it means she doesn’t really care about us as a man. She only cares about how we make her feel sexually. She is dickdizzy.
When a Woman truly LOVES a man, she loves him at his BEST, not settling for his worst. She wants us to BE the MAN who we were destined to be by the Holy Spirit; a man who can speak life into a woman, erase her insecurities, and shower her with loyalty and consistence. A loyal woman will tell her man to get his lazy ass up, get a job & pursue his dreams. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to live off her. A Loyal Woman will not baby a man by working a job herself, while he sits his lazy ass in her house all day, playing XBOX and eating Lucky Charms and Pop Tarts raw.
A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to talk down to her & disrespect her like she’s any girl, because she knows a mentally mature man DESERVES a Strong Minded Woman. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to refer to her as a Bitch, Bad Bitch, Boss Bitch, My Bitch, Wifey Bitch, because she knows we deserve a Queen who has integrity.
A Loyal Woman will not allow a male to FORCE her to get an abortion, or let him off the hook for abandoning her after getting her pregnant; because she knows we DESERVE to be a Father, not a Baby Daddy. A Loyal Woman will not tell a man what he wants to hear, she will feed him wisdom he NEEDS to hear and not be scared to do to it, because she is Loyal to his inner king, which is his spirit. A Loyal Woman will not allow a man to cheat on her over & over, leave her, then come crawling his cheating ass back after he had sex with every girl in the neighborhood, 11 of his followers on twitter, every girl who liked the pick of his “are you DTF or nah?” meme on his Instagram page. No, because she knows her worth.
Just as I speak to you women today, I speak life into young men as well, and I tell them to carry themselves as a KING, to hold their head high and never settle for a WEAK woman, when he deserves a Strong Queen like you young women. Yes, a WEAK Woman may always tell a man that he is right, yes she will let him use her, yes she will give him her money to pay his phone bill that is in his mother’s name, and she will give him her money without him even having to ask, but; she can never make him a better man and she can never love him like, a loyal woman can.
I made a huge mistake committing myself to a weak minded woman before, and that woman was my ex. Last year after I broke up with her, she asked me if I ever cheated on her, as she always suspected. I told her the truth and confessed, “I have never cheated on you or any woman, and I have never been unfaithful in any relationship.”
After my confession, all she could say was, “wow”, because it is commonly assumed all men cheat, yet this is completely false. I could agree all males cheat, at some point in their life, but a “Man” not a “male” but a man knows if he cheats, he would be not only cheating on a good woman, he would be cheating himself out of allowing a loyal woman to help mold him into a king.
Many people argue men cheat, because his woman will not do what his women on the side will, but he would never even consider the option of having women on the side if he deserved her in the first place. Some men are genuinely not ready for a relationship. To force one with him is only creating a relationship death wish. The idea that men are incapable of being monogamous is false.
I enjoy going on dates, flirting, courting and enjoy my single life, but in the back of my mind, I’m looking for a WIFE. I have ZERO interest in having side HOES or “fans”. I don’t need to have sex with every beautiful woman I meet to prove how much of a “man” I am. My loyalty, monogamy, spirituality & mental maturity prove that.
Each woman I meet, I’m looking to see if she is Wife Material. Because I know I am Husband material. My mother raised a future husband, not a hoe. I choose to be celibate while single, because my mother raised me to be a father and not a baby daddy. I live my life this way as proof that loyal men do indeed exist.
I have to admit, I am extremely picky and I know what a want in a woman. I want a woman who is as strong minded as me. I must admit I love a woman with a smart mouth who will speak her mind, yet knows that my masculinity and romantic aggression will always demand her respect, so she never verbally disrespects me. I love a woman who is spiritual. I love a woman who loves to shop & dress her ass of. It makes me want to spoil her with new heels every payday to keep her shoe game on point.
I enjoy the single life, but I have to admit, I miss having a girlfriend to SPOIL; o show off; to take shopping to the mall before our dinner date. Waiting an hour outside her house knowing she’s getting her hair right, eye lashes long, eye brows perfect, make-up on point just for me. I miss buying those Mani/Pedi gift cards that come in the cute little box & surprising her with it to make sure my woman’s feet & nails stay on point.
I miss taking the SAME LOYAL WOMAN out every weekend, on spontaneous dates to the gun range, laser tag, in door bungee jumping, rock climbing, wine tasting, on a tropical cruise, snorkeling with dolphins or just to the beach for a walk on the sand after a I cook her lunch, fried chicken, BBQ wings, potato salad, pesto pasta, fresh lemonade & peach cobbler I made just for us.
I miss having the SAME LOYAL WOMAN to cook for every day, to have in the kitchen teaching her to cook, then putting an ice cube down her back & laughing, play food fighting, then chasing her around my house searching for her all around, only to find her laying in my bed, ready for me to trEAT her like food.
I miss making love to the SAME LOYAL WOMAN, texting the SAME GIRL all day, & never getting tired of hitting her with my hilarious vulgar humor and deep intellectual conversation. Being hilarious, making her laugh her ass off to the point her stomach hurts from how much I am making her laugh. I miss hearing the SAME VOICE every night before I go to sleep, hearing her cheese at the sound of my DEEP voice. I miss being a provider for the SAME LOYAL WOMAN, being her rock, someone she can tell all her problems to, vent to and then give her some sound advice, speaking life into my woman to make her feel better.
I miss giving those full body deep tissue massages after her long day. I miss having that ONE I can bring around my moms & sisters, to family events, so everyone knows she’s mine. I miss having that ONE to pray with, to cuddle up & read the bible with. I enjoy being Single, but honestly, I’d be willing to be loyal in a relationship if I found the ONE worth committing to. This is how mentally mature men feel. Yes all males may cheat, but a mentally mature man knows nothing can sharpen his iron and no one can mold him into a king other than a loyal woman.”
After I finished speaking, the young women really humbled me, as so many of them personally thanked me for writing “Why the hell am I still dating Black Women.” I never intended that piece to become an article. I was just venting off an extremely disgusting experience I had at a barbershop.
I want all my young kings to know they deserve a loyal woman, not a fast girl. We as men need to do much better. Let’s be the men we want our sisters to marry, the men we want our daughters one day to be wifed by. Being a good man really is not that hard young king.
All a Loyal Woman really wants from us as a man is us our attention. That’s all. And that’s not asking a lot at all. Don’t make her feel crazy for wanting us to give her consistency. Don’t have her second guessing if it’s too early to for her to expect us to be loyal, caring and faithful to her. It’s not; not at all.
If we like her, if we want to spend time with her in any way, she DESERVES our undivided attention. Not half of our attention on her, and half on every other girl on these social networks. My sister said a man doesn’t deserve her time if we are not willing to give her our consistent attention. You may think that is a lot to ask but remember, in order to possess a treasure, one must in return give up what the treasure is WORTH; Loyalty.
By: Abayomi-Ebrahim Aseem
I am a cook, 12 year mentor for men, and I do Motivational Speaking events at universities & bridal showers.
My book will be out this summer.
To show my appreciation for the millions who have shared the article, “Why All Men Cheat On Loyal Women” I will come out with a book on this WHOLE topic, including how to find your dream mate. Thank you for supporting my movement of changing the way women are respected in this world. This is only the beginning. #SpeakLife
For Public Speaking inquiries & booking, contact me AEAseem@gmail.com
I post a new article every Thursday, here is my podcast:
Click on they PLAY button to hear now! ==>
To download to your phone: click on download bottom ARROW in top right hand corner of the podcast bellow
Click on my picture of me and the woman who raised me, my moms bellow for more!
thought provoking articles like this,
Or to read my book,
Follow/add me on Facebook and request your free copy ASAP
so then why do women cheat on loyal men
Just a headsup to Ebrahim, this great article is being WRONGLY attributed to Kevin Hart! I keep seeing people on other websites saying it was written by Kevin Hart, so you need to set that straight because it is an incredible article and you’re not getting your dues.
For example here:
Keep up the great work dude!
I really like this, hopefully my husband will read it!
Kevin Hart cheated on his wife so if anyone believes this is a Kevin Hart article they should do their research.
there are many reasons, some that apply equally to men and women. but one major difference is shown in what women men are attracted to and what women men are attracted to.
In tests, men were asked to look at a female face and rate it’s attractiveness, the men always went for the most feminine, most estrogenized face. The women were all attracted to a masculine face, but not the most masculine face. That face had heavier brows and the eyes were less visible. The women held back from that and wanted manly, but with an open friendly, caring face.
The exception was when the woman was at the most fertile in her cycle, then she went for the most masculine/testosteronized face. So, in a partner they wanted a kind man, but for reproduction the wanted the most masculine man.
Oh my gosh! This is pure brilliance, and so damn accurate. It’s so true. When a guy goes and acts stupid, girls always question what is wrong with themselves….rather than what is wrong with the guy!
I just have to say that you really did the damn thing in writing this piece. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you have to say about both women and men. I admit that while I have strong woman qualities, I too often become weak minded in past relationships and even in my marriage. This piece has encouraged me to do better, know better, and know my worth. If only there were more real men like you out there:)
Keep up the good work.
Awesome right on point.No-one could have said it better.Thank you for sharing and it has made me feel so much better about being a good loyal woman .But always having a bad experience with males as you call them lol.
Thank u sir! A wise man will hear and increase learning. I hear Wisdom crying out thru u! Thank you, Thank you,Thank U!!!!!!
I’m a male stripper, and that’s great that you have an article on men cheating(even though disagree with the reason they cheat…they don’t cheat for their ego they cheat because of strong sexual impulses and need for sexual variety, and also because they DON’T like their woman %100..even if they are unaware of it)…but you should have an article on women cheating as well. Because as a male stripper i have seen plenty of women cheat,(or at least do things that would cause a break up/divorce) have had many other mens, wives, girlfriends, and bride to be’s cheat or do innapropriate things. People cheat because they are sexually attracted to other people. Period the end. Their may be some ppl who cheat on their better half because of EGO but that’s a small minority.
Brandon is absolutely right — it has a lot less to do with ego and a lot more to do with sexual impulses, attraction, and the drive for gratification with the object of that attraction and lust.
@Brandon Stone & Michael St. Pierre….u both are SIMPS. Comprehend what Ebrahim is saying in his column/blog/writings. Brandon u wrote [they cheat because of strong sexual impulses and need for sexual variety (EGO), and also because they DON’T like their woman 100% AND people cheat because they are sexually attracted to other people (not really….it all comes down to EGO…men&women will cheat regardless of looks…especially Men]. What you stated Brandon….has a lot to do with EGO. Ego is [the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing (itself) from the selves of others and from objects of its thought; self-importance]. .
I thought I alone had problems with his theory on US guys and cheating, I also did it and it was purely out of an OMG lust for a cute sexy chick, nothing else. (or so it seemed) but after getting to know her we indecently discovered we had a GREAT deal in common so it created major problems for all of us later on, when the smoke cleared EVERYONE got hurt nothing was ever the same, the experience made me take a long hard look at myself and how wrong I was back then, so sadly it seems the only way we truly learn is from actual life experiences… “MEN and WOMEN cheat for ALL the SAME and WRONG reasons”…. end quote!!…
To Brandon Strong, his point is WHATEVER the reason is, its WRONG and men NOT males dont get into relationships in the first place until they are ready to committ and with the right one.
I agree with you Brandon and your entire comment. If at any time a woman cheats where I am from it is said that “He must not be hitting it right” not is he not giving you enough attention. Relationships have become more about sexual conquest and though I may respect this writer I have come to the realization not all women want a men who gives them their undivided attention or spoil them because they may be the ones who cheat because they know their men will forgive them. In the end this writer is covering one type of man (Himself loyal,nurturing, caring and faithful) and one type of woman (Needy, feels neglected consistently and a princess) which is not to say this is not a woman but a category of women. I believe as a male stripper Brandon you may have seen various type of women who were able to reject you and several others that werent but that does not make them less of a woman because they were not able to reject you. This is just my opinion, no one can define what a man or woman is but the man or woman doing so and every relationship is different so although this writer feels as if he is a better man for cheating only once because to put it simple the woman was not on his level does not mean that defines all men as a whole and what we should be like.
Guess you didn’t read the whole article. Lol. Because, later in the article, he says that he NEVER CHEATED on the woman.
I think the point is, if you want to sew your oats why get in a serious relationship? Or if you realize in the middle of a relationship you don’t want to be monogamous, why not just leave? The reason is ego.
If it were simply sexual desire, it wouldn’t be a matter of cheating because the cheater would 1, not be in an exclusive relationship. 2, break up with their partner or 3, be in a polyamory us relationship.
If they are scared to tell the partner and consequently stays, they aren’t thinking of what is best for their partner, the cheater is then thinking about how they look in the eyes of their partner which goes back to ego.
There are some good points here. Overall it’s this type of idealism and teaching that has women demasculinizing men all over the world. A lot of emphasis is placed on the behavior of the man however why are some women just as willing to participate? It takes two to “cheat”.
Thats why he said Loyal Woman.
I just want to say the article was good to a certain point of view. In my opinion some men lack commitment, loyalty, and are very in mature. For those women out there check the resume out if he’s jobless, plays video games, not educated, and most important does not have God in is life, you can expect disaster just waiting to happen. You see a man that is mature, yes wants a wife and queen that he can grow with. For those guys and ladies playing games in life, remember God is watching you.
when i first read this I was really happy to finally find out WHY men cheated on loyal women.I am a loyal woman who came out of a relationship were I had been cheated on twice and I decided the second time was enough!I had been the weak minded woman I had grown up telling myself I’d never be and yet somehow I found myself that woman.I was in denial for 3 years,the signs were there and even God Himself had been speaking but because I wasn’t ready to let go it took a while.When the strong minded me that I knew I had within me FINALLY took over….it was painful and hard but I am so proud of myself!It was hard the first days being single and I almost got into a rebound relationship but I told myself I was better than that.I had to fully build up the strong minded me I had buried years ago….Im doing that now and Im so proud of myself!
I love your phrase of why men cheat that is so true example my daughter was in that
same situation she has her own place 1 son 6yrs old own car a good job n going 2 school 4 her RN LISENCE MAKING GOOD MONEY AND HER FRIEND GUY GOT CAUGHT WITH A WOMAN THATS DO WHATEVER HE SAY SHE READ THIS 2 N HES BEGGING N PLEADING 4 HER 2 FORGIVE HIM BUT SHE WANT AND AM PROUD OF HER FOR STANDING HER GROUND AS A STRONG BLACK WOMAN U SAID A MOUTH FULL
Thank you I need to hear this and I so grateful. Wow just wow, powerful and deep.
Wooh, a person who really covered all 4 corners!! Thank, thank!. It always happen to a woman that put all she has into her merriage, caring for the children, helping on business, working out of the home, making sure “husband” is not in need of what ever is out-there, Wrong, sometimes it’s our own stupidity, to much trust, to much of everything. Husbands do not care, if they love their wife,why, why? it’s not real, even if they demmonstrate such a wonderful trust, be awared of snecks! it so easy for them to even bring the other woman into your house, she is not much to look at it, so innocent, make herself so open to talk about her family at the home she lives in, she is in need of friends to listen, pure B…..S..! she is abou tot take over your husband and he is not all she wants!!! you. Out-there? just live and let it die!! take this advice: don’t make your life so bitter by winning the bottle. Let the dead burry the dead!! you are alway # 1.
Excellent article. Beautiful piece of literature. Makes us analized our life and question our selfworth.
Reblogged this on Live Life Live and commented:
Wow… Being a young man this article is one that i feel i can relate to in many levels. What a great read!
Reblogged this on Fashion Fever and commented:
I truly appreciated this article! Very enlightening and informative!
My Brother I must say that it’s about time that We as Men step up & speak about these types of issues that are hindering us from having a healthy relationship. I agree that We as Men should not ignore the fact that Our Woman can make us Better Men, as well as, We can make them a Better Woman. I hope that this continues and catches on to everyone around the World. Keep up the Good Fight & the Good Work.
Simple they are known to act an as* in my opinion. Never putting themselves in those same shoes, & contemplating how something of this magnitude would feel if the situation were reversed. Why ignorance is consider ed bliss I suppose.
Thank you. I have an entire new outlook on my life. I am 35, divorced with three children and a full time career. I am self sufficient in all aspects of my life except love. I have been with the same male for the past 11 years, he has cheated on me multiple times and we have worked through it. Although I know now he will never change and the strange text and calls taken in secret are because I have “forgiven him”. I haven’ t really and I am going to keep your article at my side until I stop with this silly belief that we are meant for each other. Thanks again. God bless
Reblogged this on c S H E R Y L poh and commented:
A good read. 🙂
This article really spoke to me in a great way
That is truly amazing!!!! Words can’t explain how I’m feeling after reading this speechless.
spoken like a true king that knows a woman’s worth, and who wants her man(notice I did not say male) spiritually, physically and emotionally in sync with her…so that growth happens!!!!
Nicely written however, this article is NOT grounded in any FACTS. These ideas for why a man cheats sound good and coherant, BUT its PURE OPINION and SPECULATION from the authours experience and perspective. Like the earlier person wrote “Even though I disagree with the reason (you say) they cheat…they don’t cheat for their ego they cheat because of strong sexual impulses and need for sexual variety, and also because they DON’T like/need their woman %100..even if they are unaware of it”. There are SEVERAL reasons men cheat and all men are different. Respect.
Infidelity is a choice. Weak willed people often make ill decisions, like cheating – or staying and hoping. So while the authors delivery is subjective, I believe his general point to be accurate. Weak willed males (and females) cheat because they lack character and character is a derivative of self-worth… Instead, cheaters have such a toxic need to be shown their worth that they constantly create situations where their partner can ‘show and prove’! And of course, for every few mates that won’t stand for the bs… they find one that will. And they hold on to them while cheating regularly – inevitably getting caught – and finally experiencing the high when they convince that partner to stick it out yet again (or even better – having a person that is so weak, they plead with them to stay irregardless of any infidelity). If cheaters weren’t ego starved, fleeting sexual desires could be quenched by ‘breaking up or simply not committing until ready. There is plenty of consenting adults who will casually date and have sex with no exclusivity.
“they cheat because of strong sexual impulses and need for sexual variety”
This is SO false. People ignore impulses all the time. We are not animals. That is not a true reason why people cheat, it is something people use as an excuse. You think men who remain faithful never experience lust or temptation?
Further, don’t use the word “need.”
Men don’t “need” sexual variety. Women don’t “need” it. You need food. You need water, but you can live without sex, and this idea people have sexual “needs” that they cannot control is just another excuse for cheating. They are not “needs.” They are wants. Call it what it is. Again, we are not animals. We can control ourselves. We have choices.
Your truly amazing and made me feel hope that men can be thoughtful and have self control! Cheating is so painful the pain made me feel like i was hit by a bus, the breath was taken out of me, my soul lifted out of me and depression and sadness was placed in its space! At times i feel like i can just drop to my knees and scream in agony, i don’t understand how men and women, we as humans don’t stop and think how muchhhhhhh the betrayal will hurt someone and for some destroy them for a time! How can we not say no to inflicting that kind of pain on one we love how? Why is this so hard in our world a man could be rich my man poor, a man could be a gorgeous actor and my man average, i could never inflict that kind of pain on someone i love just no! I am afraid i will end up alone, as i write the tears roll down my face at that thought, but yet its such a comforting thought to know i can protect myself from that kind of deep penetrating pain by being alone! Why cant people just leave if their desires are uncontrollable whyyyyyyyyy????? Thanks for being a logical thinking person who makes no excuses for other men and women who make excuses or who are plain selfish in their quests for love or shall i say selfish satisfaction. I thought love was for the faithful and devoted, and that being single was for the ones that could careless about real devoted, selfless, thoughtful love! But I’ve come to realize the selfish with no self control only care about their desires and instead of choose to be single and do as they wish, they put people in the cross fire without a care in the world of the damaging affects it causes a soul!!!!!
Couldn’t have said it better Jack, wants & needs are two entirely different things altogether. If one decides that one want’s sexual variety, you’ve just proven to yourself that you have no business being in a committed relationship.
Every word well said every good man comes from a good mother
I love reading what you had wrote and I do agree on that what can u tell me about finding that inter trust back in your mate and building it back up
Absolutely BRILLANT!! After I read this I cried for a good minute because I realized I’ve been that weak woman before smh. This was a true eye opener for me and I’m glad I was sent this link. I’m showing this to my daughter.
A loyal respectable man would never want his girlfriend to have an abortion. There are so many great points in this article.
The only people that fully agree with this article are of course, females. That is because it is written by a male feminists or at the very least, someone who sounds a lot like one. I am not saying this to insult at all. The first few men in the comments have the right idea and your reasoning for why “all males cheat” is flawed on probably only applies to a very small percentage of men. Also, your distinction between a male and a man…lol. I’d say speak for yourself when it comes to this one. Not to be totally negative, there were some correct points such as, the way a man treats a woman is not a reflection of her worth. However, I couldn’t bring myself to read this entire article.
I want to know how can I get your book???
Men and women cheat because they like sex with multiple people… end of story..
Real man talkin, ladies and gentlemen.
So why get married or claim you want exclusivity if all you’re going to do is cut throat? Stay single and stop hurting and in some cases destroying decent, and innocent people. When they speak of variety, what variety? All you’re going to get is a NUT. Nothing more. You can get that from your hand and when you get tired of that, from your partner. That’s why cheating will NEVER make any sense. Let’s keep it real.
That is absurd. If I like fast food, does that mean I eat burgers every day? No, I make a choice positive for my health, despite what I feel like doing. It is the same with a relationship, just because you like the idea of having sex with another person doesn’t mean you have too, you are totally capable of saying “no” for the sake of a healthy relationship.
And I agree with She, if you don’t want to commit to one person then don’t lie about it.
it helped me soooooo thank you for making me take a back and a really long hard look lol real talk…. I enjoyed it very much!!!!!!!!!!
This is a heaven sent message! Very powerful u need to talk to my husband who I am now separated from due to his immaturity and infidelities! I DO NOT ACCEPT which is why we are separated I did send him the link for him to read, I did challenge him to read this post if he calls himself a man & not just existing as a male
Ebrahim, I posted this on my blog http://teremity.wordpress.com/ and wrongly attributed it to Kevin Hart. My sincere apologies. I have since corrected it.
But what about the woman who cheats?lets give credit
It’s as if you are commenting on my life.
My ex really used to say that I was too good for him and that I should be with someone on the same level as myself. I heard what he said but I wasn’t listening to the essence of what he was saying.
Everything about me reflects his own insecurities. He never finished high school and he always threw my degree in my face. If another male complimented me he would always bring up my flaws to crush my ego.
When I gave birth to our only child he laughed at my body and started calling me a zebra because of my stretch marks. He referred to my baby weight as pork fat.
My achievements meant nothing to me because he broke me mentally. I felt like I could have anything in the world except a man’s love. He cheated and I took him back multiple times. Then he left me for another woman who, as he puts it, “knows her place”.
All these years I’ve been hearing what I wanted to hear. He was saying how he felt and I twisted his words to suit my own purpose. I held on when I should have let go.
Thanks for writing this article. It all makes sense now.
So sorry that was awful for you to suffer through..I am glad you are out. I held on for forty long years. I loved him with all of my heart. A part of me will always love what could have been. He chose to make it ugly and so sad. He chose to destroy it. I had to move on for my own welfare .Be glad and rejoice you didn’t waste a life time and up broken and sad like me. He wasted all of our money too. Stole my retirement and everything he could. God Bless you and keep you strong honey.
I read this and feel even worse about myself and the “relationship” I’m in.. I tried to show him this and he wouldn’t even read half. He read some and asked me “so what am I trying to say” It’s to the point where he constantly calling me a bitch n we fight and fist are being thrown.. He even just spit in my face the other night wen he was “drunk”.. Thought moving in with him (which initially he wanted then changed his mind when I moved in) was us moving forward with our “relationship” but I see In wasting more time. Almost 7 years with him and it’s never been a good year.. I’m 25 year old btw.. I find it hard to leave him unless I move far away from him. I’m disgusted with myself.. I can’t even take that feeling away..
You need to find the strength hun. I was also in an almost- 7 year relationship with a guy (who’s the father of my child). We moved in together after I got pregnant, a year of being in a realtionship with him. I was just 19 at that time. Two years ago, I broke up with him after he cheated on me repeatedly for 5 years, with different women. Now Im okay.
I had a serious relationship after that for almost a year but it didnt work out. We actually broke off a few days ago.. 😦
After reading this article, I thought to myself that I have to be “ME” – strong, free-spirited and positive.
And I know I am a loyal,good woman and eventually, I will have a man who can take care of me and love me and match what I can offer.
Nice article! Although, men cheat not only because of ego.
How wonderful if a relationship has a mentally mature men and strong minded women who will work things out together and stay faithful for each other…
I agree with everything you wrote. You took time out write this and posted it speaks volumes to force people to think differently. We all have our opinion why us men cheat. I can agree it is an Ego and Pride. I had that Queen you describe before, and was mostly all the things you said you miss doing. What astonishing is everything as read from you article is what I thought and convey to her. I never had a problem getting a women but I am picky who I will court. As my mother and step mother taught me do spend your money on these worthless women. There many reasons why men cheat, but you hit the nail what you posted. Some of your main points will come up in anyone discussion about why men cheat. However, we must start looking for a Queen and not a Ho. As I tell any brother or man about relationships is to be wise and watchout for temptation. For wisdom and guidance read the book of Proverbs entire chapter in Bible it will expose your faults or show you where you may have went wrong.
Reblogged this on pointless needle and commented:
I am awakened. I cried as i read. Reality it is.
Seriously, why comment if you didnt read the entire article? Its one thing to have an opinion but even that would be considered inadequate or misguided if you dont listen to the whole story. I love critical thinkers but without direct evidence to support your views you just sound like someone who couldnt handle the truth. Plus why be so critical of another’s lived experience unless its to add something to that? Smh @ “male feminists” so what? He only expressed these vjews to be favored by the female audience? Not saying it couldnt be a possibility but where is your proof?
Stay true to yourself always. Be the man your wonderful mom reared you to be. My husband cheated on me after 23.5 years of marriage, and 3 kids ages 19, 17, 15. He cheated with one of his 23 yeard old MARRIED female students. Sickens me!!!!!
Pingback: Daddy Knows Best - Created by Natalie Bannerman - In category: Culture - Tagged with: Brian L. Rzepczynski, Cheating, Couples, Daddy, Ebrahim Aseem, Fidelity, Gay, Kings, Lessons, Love, Men, MrMadness Sotomayor, Queens, Relationships, Speak life, Straight
Strong words my brother, but I believe oh so true. I’m currently going through a separation/divorce after 11 yrs of marriage. Its so strange how my husband acts as if I did something wrong and I was the loyal. I allowed too much and I was the YES man. I was extremely strong in the beginning of our relationship and he loved the woman with the S on her chest.
Reblogged this on Voice for Her and commented:
WoW! I am speechless. Please read this powerful piece.
That was very Deep brother!! Beautiful article!!!!
Reblogged this on Moments For Lyfe and commented:
And he has done it again… very insightful.
Wow. This article changed my life and may have actually saved me. I have with a guy for eight years. And he has broken me. I’m a very loving good hearted woman with faith and morals. All be has ever done is tell me how stupid how dumb and worrisome I am. He says I’m a bad woman that no man will ever put up with my shit. I have been a stupid fat bitch everyday of my life for three years. Everything upu said is to a T the relationship I have been in. Thank you. I opened my eyes today and realized. It is not my fault as he says that we can’t be together. But it is my fault for letting it get this way. I had standards my whole life with men and never put up not once with cheating or belittling. For him I broke all the rules and don’t know why. Again thank you. I have never felt better with a decision that I have made.
This could be an explanation for men being asses. But maybe there are more reasons for male to cheat. I really believe this is the main reason though. Everybody has this weakness and its scientifically proven that men fall for temptations earlier then women. But you can then ask the question: What about woman who cheat? Is there an explanation for too? Is it maybe the same?
Thank you, I just v got off the phone with a guy I met who clearly had a different idea on why men cheat. He said that all men cheat and that it nothing to do with the women, or his connection to her or love for her. He said it was because it’s in mens making to intimately be with more than one woman at a time. That it was natural. That men need to scratch that itch, but the problem in relationships was that been aren’t honest about the need to sleep around. But by telling the spouse or girlfriend the need to do so or even having a understanding spouse that allowed is the only way a relationship would last. Women aren’t equal in this equation and infidelity on her part; unless with another woman, was grounds for. . .termination
WRONG! dont buy that crap. He wants an open relationship? it works both ways. And he is wrong too. It’s women who need more mates to father their children. Look it up. Women are good for about 7 yrs with one man. History has shown this.
To all the men who disagree with the logic behind cheating that this author proposes, especially to those saying that some men like “variety”… Why even bother being in a relationship? Why go out of your way to find someone that wants to be in a committed partnership with you when you have no real plans on being committed? Why not just date? Why not just play the field? If that’s where you are in your life and you are honest about it, there’s no harm in that and many women will accept it… maybe that’s where they are in life as well. Why hurt someone you claim to care about when you can spare a good person that pain? Why lie and sneak around to fulfill your desire for “variety”? Why make a vow before eyes of God if you still feel the need to sow your oats? You can have all the variety you want, just set her free. A liar cannot be a person of integrity, man or woman. If you can’t be honest about yourself, you do have issues with your ego. Stop pretending like it is something that it’s not… you are a FRONT ARTIST and you need to accept it, be honest with women and yourself, and move on.
i totally agree with what you are saying Tanya. That’s been my belief for a long time now. There’s this unspoken thing of dudes having a steady chick at home and then a few here and there on the side. These are the guys who need to appear like a playboy, macho guy, a guy who’s so kewl all women want to be with him. In truth these are the most insecure guys around. Once you know this and you sit back and just observe this you can see it’s true. People don’t know the importance of integrity. THAT’S THE REAL PROBLEM in SOCIETY.
I should have said this before I left my previous post, but the comments tripped me up a bit. Mr. Aseem, thank you for this. I, as well, cried as I was reading this. I probably shouldn’t debate about the mindset of a male, because, of course, I would have no way of knowing. However, every word you said about how I have reacted as a woman after being in a very hurtful situation had so much truth to it. I asked myself every single one of those questions about what was wrong with me. I am now asking myself (eight years later… yes, it has been eight years and this man is still begging to be back in my life and I still go back and forth about whether I made the right decision in keeping him out), if I wasn’t what you needed, why were you even with me in the first place? And if I slipped up in the midst of our relationship, why not just leave? And just last night, I was in turmoil. Was I doing the right thing or was I just being too rigid in not giving this man another chance? So THIS… RIGHT HERE… came right on time for me. I need to do better in being a woman of integrity and doing what’s best for me. I need to set a better example for my child and give her a model of how she should be treated. Again, thank you for this. Your words resonated so profoundly for many of us.
It’s human behavior to want to get as much attention as possible. Someone above already said: men are weaker concerning temptations. Women think more ahead: because they think and worry a lot more the men, it’s easier for them to see the consequences.
awesome post for women because its realty why men cheating with loyal women and always thik negative about women.
Very well written. I agree to some degree with many of your points. I think this is definitely true in the dating world. But not so much when people exchange vows. I would never say that a spouse who chooses to forgive adultery in marriage is weak. Instead I think that person is extremely strong. No one honors the commitment of marriage anymore. That covenant is serious. So, to attempt to forgive and move forward that person is far from weak.
Indeed I agree totally
Pure brilliance! This article is needed in society today. Thank you.
Thank you very much for that! It has definitely given me the strength to look at myself and demand respect from myself, first and foremost. I pray to God to find a man who has a mind like you. I hope that he has someone in the world for me.
This whole time I was convinced I get cheated on because there has to be something wrong with me… I could just never figure out what, in each relationship making more and more of an effort, all for being stomped on by the man I love and his side-women. Deception hurts.
I wish a life full of fidelity and utmost trust for everyone and their partners. Why is that so difficult?
How true. How sad. the facts are sad and sobering but almost everyone who I have spoken to who has either gone through a divorce, slept with a married man or any man who has had multiple affairs during, before or after marriage has confessed to many of the facts that have been stated in this article. The reaction is also typical because human beings do not want to face facts especially if you want to defend your actions.And so infidelity and disrespect continues and degradation because somewhere in the human psyche both men and women do not feel they deserve anything and have stopped expecting anything from anyone including their husbands and parents and friends. We treat each other without respect and devalue ourselves. Infidelity is a simply a reflection of lack of self worth. When you do not value yourself you act prematurely and you devalue everyone in your life, because to you, none deserves respect and no life is sacrosanct.Even your own baby, you will demand that it gets aborted because it is worthless and the woman carrying it is equally worthless and expendable. This goes for both sexes. People cheat not because they cannot control their impulses but because they lost self respect a long time ago and typically go for sex with people beneath them, they do not value themselves or anything or anyone.
I don’t know who this man is, however, he is NOT just a MALE, he is INDEED a MAN in EVERY WAY !!I am very impressed & Couldn’t agree more! !Thank you so much for sharing! !A lot of women that use the good old saying “ALL MEN CHEAT ” I am sure have been hurt a time or two, however, have the same Mentality as the person that did this to men & Majority are also Weak Minded with Low self esteem & are cheaters as well… Me, personally, I have been hurt, cheated on & played those games, through years of growing & maturing, I have become so much more wiser… I realize now that stoopingto their level makes you NO BETTER than them… I do Believe in forgiveness & in some cases , 2nd chances, but to allow yourself to be cheated on repeatedly only shows YOU are NOT ready to be a Queen, therefore,You are NOT ready for a King, SO STOP COMPLAINING ALL MEN ARE CHEATERS To make yourself feel better for what you do !!!❤❤❤💋
What a great and very informative write up. This is entirely how it works in every relationship, no doubt about it. The only set of women who are excluded are the ones who knows about the Be Irresistible Principle which appears only in the James Bauer respect principle guide . Being an irresistible woman is strongly recommended in every relation as your man gives you the ultimate respect without even having to think about it twice.
Very good read! You made some very goodb points and also opened my eyes the rest of the way to see my weak ppoints n my marriage that I need to , can and will step up. Iaappreciate u takin the time to write this and say what a lot of people cant say…even tho ur goin to have the “males” tellin you that your wrong amd it is all ab sex! All of us Kings and Queens kno the TRUTH and whats really up! I hope u find ur queen soon God knows she willbe a lucky lady!
I took time out to read “Why do a man cheat on loyal a woman” and it blew my mind it was the truth…. I have experienced this in my life and I must admit I have been weak in the past but I am strong and I refuse to let a man disrespect me, I am no man’s bitch, and I demand my respect.. I am single, I have 3 kids, and I’m a queen. I know how to stand on my own two feet but I am looking for husband material….I am 40 years old and I dnt have time for the b.s. coming from a weak minded man…I want a strong minded God fearing mature grown man….. this article made me even more aware of what I deserve…. Thanks for the inspiration!!!!! I wish I could meet you just to shake your hand 🙂 🙂 God bless!!!!
very well said. this was such a good read!
Unquestionably believe that that you said. Your favorite justification seemed to be on the
web the easiest thing to bear in mind of. I say to you, I certainly get irked even as folks consider
worries that they plainly do not understand about. You controlled to hit
the nail upon the top as neatly as defined out the entire
thing without having side-effects , other
folks could take a signal. Will likely be back to get more.
I am a firm believer that’s things happen for r a reason. Tonight has been a sleepless night with thoughts flying everywhere. I decided to open Facebook scroll down to enlighten my night n free my thought, as I scroll on this article and started to read the first paragraph amazingly touching on so many of my thoughts. I continue to read I felt this weird feeling in my chest and in my stomach, and suddenly a tear. I have so much reconstruction to do personally, I want to Thank you for helping move that cloud that hovering around this head of mine. I once had a king who treated my as his queen, until my heavenly father called him home. I should have known once a queen always a queen and through my faith in God my king with rescue me. Thank you again for this wonderfully written piece, its absolutely amazing
Suppppppppppppperb Read…… Women always undersestimate their worth and settle for abusive relationships ….always feeling that this is the best that they can get …..an article of this deep thought coming from a guy …clearly proves we are wrong
i have someone in my life that didn’t cheat, though he lied to me about communicating with an ex of his. i am known to be a bit difficult when something displeases me, and i am known to have a not so smart “smart mouth” (like i speak before I think). My question is am I wrong for forgiving him and taking him back? I know he hasn’t cheated with her and the contact was made at the request of the girl’s family…but he didn’t tell me and he lied to me when i found out about it (twice). I felt that we had a lot of trust in our relationship and we communicated pretty well. there was a time where i was concerned that maybe our cultural differences put constraints on our relationship and these differences were really annoying. i just want to know if i’m wrong in taking him back for hiding and lying to me about communicating with her.
normally he spoils me and treats me like a queen, though “showing me off” isn’t something either of us are interested in. if i’m in trouble he’s always willing to listen and help. he’s also very close with his mother and sisters and her approval of me is something very important to him. to me, he seems like a great guy…but lying isnt something i take lightly.
I pray my daughter reads this. There are Godly soul partners and ungodly soul partners. God does not wants to be stuck with the worse. He loves you and the knows the best of what you are and what you can be. He will heal your pain and insecurities.. Cut off the ungodly ones, immatures, abusing ones. There are far too many of those who want to love you deepy and securely. You are a beautiful creatiful in Chist and within yourself.
This is amazing!!! Thank you for sharing the truth and I hope this helps a lot of possibly strong women and men.
Really good text! Though I hope it’s not true that ALL men cheat on women. But it’s really touching u open up like this and be this honost. Lots of people could learn something from this blog.
As a white woman, holy shit that was awsome !
For those stating that the reason men cheat or women too for that matter is because of their sexual impulses, that is EGO!
Ego means the self and when people cheat, they are fulfilling their selfish needs hence, their sexual desires
This piece of writing is amazing. I have been cheated on in relationships and fully agree with everything being said. Until I stood up for,myself and decided I would no longer be treated that way it continued, but as soon as I put my foot down my relationship changed. Women need to be strong and confident in everything they do. After all we hold the golden prize the vagina…….
Reblogged this on jmlewis6152 and commented:
thank you for this.
I like the article very much. It is very well written and easy to understand. I for one know good men as I have known plenty of them. I also raised three sons and know that boys take longer to mature. Boys have to grow out of this thinking they have where they are trying to compete with girls, aka women and drag her down, get the best of her, break her spirit & take away her self esteem. If you got a boyfriend like that dump him quick because he isn’t a friend at all but a competitor really. If he is selfish he is still too young to be true to his word. You need a man. Men aren’t threatened by a strong woman. Trying to be in a committed relationship with a selfish guy is always such a time waster. When a male finally gets it that men and women are different for good reasons and together we compliment one another you have yourself a healthy minded man not a selfish boy. You know you have yourself a real man not a guy who wants to trick you into thinking you got a great man and using the you’re not doing this or that, it’s your fault I’m a spineless jerk to the woman in his life.. Lets be accountable for our own actions. It’s not an un loyal woman who lets a man stay home while she works. Maybe sometimes but most times it’s a con-artist mooch this woman’s got on her plate and she just hopes she’ll get a break from him when some where down the road he cheats on her. Talking trash to everyone about all the things this woman’s doing to him, that’s how he justifies him running off to the next steady meal and gaming system at a new address. SIMPLE to figure out. He is a BUM! Trust me that woman is actually so glad inside he is gone. Bad people take advantage of others all the time and boys use women and they abuse them and push them around behind the scenes cuz they are spineless wimp’s who can’t take care of themselves and don’t like it when the state takes care of them, as in jail. So that’s my only objection to the article. I do what I do and I have given into abusive boys cuz I have no one backing me up and to talk sh*t about me like Im a certain type person is wrong. You don’t know me. Every situations different. Good women get stuck with loser dudes sometimes. Fact of life. In a good relationship there’s progress not heart ache. If you feel good with your mate 98% of the time. It’s a winner.
this article had real potential at first. What transpired was insight into your own ego. With subtle and covert misogyny. The weak woman makes a man cheat….oh please!! Stop with the woman blame and shame.
This post has inspired me to research cheating and my obsession with it has become so real. Everything you have said I completely agree with. I even wrote a post similar to this on my blog. Thank you for you knowledge.
WOW! I am at a lost for words
T gardner I thinks it’s hilarious how u said especially men! But in my opinion I see a lot more women these days playing the role men used to play. The games,cheating,lying, etc. Women are having sex with more different men than men are having sex with different women. And that’s a fact.
I wish I would have read this years ago! I’m currently going through a divorce from my cheating, lying husband of 18 years. We have 2 children together and they are both teenagers now. I first found out about his cheating 4 years ago when I came across a journal he kept while he was in jail. I found out that he starting sleeping around only 3 years into our marriage. I confronted him about it and of course he said “I will never do it again, I’m sorry, I love you”, so my ass took him back. I thought everything was fine and then between Dec 2013-Feb 2014 he left the kids and I 4 times within 2 months and he left the state each time leaving a Dear John letter. He then left us for the final time on Valentine’s Day which was a huge smack in the face. He came back 1 month after trying to get back together with me and I stood my ground and told him no. Two days after he was back in town I received a FB message in my “other” folder from a woman that told me she had been fucking him since Nov 2013 and that she was the reason he left us and he was living with her for that month. That was the last straw, I was done, that’s why the divorce is in the courts hands right now. I found out that he slept or should I say fucked over 18 people, 4 of which were men. I went and got tested when I found out. Thank god I’m clean. He has unprotected sex with every single one. I found out that he physically abused my children also while I was at work, he verbally and mentally abused the 3 of us for years. My poor daughter is my oldest and in HS, she has a serious problem with trusting guys because of what my soon to be ex did. I was treated like a door mat for years and I refuse to be treated that way for the rest of MY life as it’s my only life. I want someone that will love me for me and my children. I need to be treated as a princess. I want to be loved. I pray everyday that I won’t die alone because I have such baggage from my ex and scars. Can I trust another man?
I want to thank you for taking the time to write this article. Usually I would pass certain articles because of the title or thought of “Could this really be a good read to take in and apply.” Not to be so open, but I was one of the woman you wrote about. At first, not by choice, but by peer pressure and mis guidance. I succumbed to being a prey. Thinking why me or am I week. As time progresswe, I searched, cries, and prayed for a renewing and change. Followed by action Later, through reflecting that ALL I REALLY NEEDED AND WANTED TO BE WAS REALLY ESTEEMED AND LOOKED AFTER HIGH; LIKE A CHILD OF GOD AND QUEEN THAT I AM. Today, I desire my king, but he won’t find me if I am not where I supposed to be from the beginning. In the field working and co-laboring with Christ. So, I thank you and many other writers who take the time to drop some knowledge for the concerning! ✌
yaa u r right, a woman should be strong enough to speak her mind and don’t have to be afraid of her man.
I do not even know the way I finished up here, however I believed this put up was once good.
I do not know who you might be however certainly you aree going to a well-known blogger if you happen to aren’t already.
I completely agree with everything you said in this article. I actually read all your blogs and am fascinated by most of them. I am curious to know what you think about the woman that sleeps with this man and knows he is with someone else. And what if this women is an ex that he never stopped communicating with?
U are the most amazing young man and & brilliant writer. All our young men of all over the world black, white, Asian, Italian, Hispanic, & extra can learn a great deal from u young man. You are a real young man with an amazing mind. God bless your mother she raised a real man.
Reblogged this on aBizarreVirgo and commented:
Great perspective. Good read!
Very very informative n useful… Very true abt mentally weak men. But wat abt woman who is mentally mature n how to handle him n open his eyes n let him see the truth… Plz suggest on it.
Oh i just love this! Makes me realize how worthy I
am. Thank You!!
I love this article. Made me realize i’m a queen 🙂
So let me get this straight you miss doing all those things for a loyal woman, which tells me you have had a loyal woman! So tell me why you are single and not with that loyal woman you speak of hmmmm makes no sense to me!!!!!
I just left an unhealthy relationship from a guy who manipulated me, lied to me, takes drugs, and cheated on me behind my back. He emotionally abused me it’s still taking me some time. But I realized I don’t need this. I gave him a few months he begged for a second chance I was hesistant but didn’t want to wander what if? He changed for alittle being super good to me. But shortly fell back into his habit of partying, with his boys, Xanax and hitting up other girls. I cut him off. But found out he was trying to cheat on me again. Thank god I dodged that bullet. He told me he learned from his mistake the first time.. Obviously he did not. I am a loyal strong women willing to give someone the world when I love I love for real. For me this wasn’t the type of love I was in for. I wanted him to become something he just couldn’t be. He is a sick guy who needs help. Reading this helped me so much to push further to being great and finding great in the future. This article is so true to the core because it left me thinking wow! I could relate to this and man this makes sense. Everything made sense. Clears my mind and helped me understand more. So thank you!!!! Bless you!! You inspire me everyday