Insecure WOMEN w/ High ass STANDARDS act like a man, build up a WALL, then WONDER WHY they’re SINGLE


That insecure woman who is slow to trust, slow to let go of her past and let us in, we have to be PATIENT with her

as the husband, brother, son, father, uncle and king in her life. You have no idea all the craziness going on in her life right now. She smiles brighter than the moon in midnight sky, but look beyond her pretty smile, deep inside. I guarantee you will see pain; irritation; stress; regret, guilt, family problems; pressure from her parents who call her immature, judge her actions and criticize every choice she makes. This makes a strong-minded woman slow to trust everyone, suspicious and question her sanity.

It is not that she has ‘trust issues’; she is just careful how she issues out trust. She knows trust is EARNED through time, not given from jump. As responsible men, we stack our money; save it in a bank and TRUST, so in time it will accumulate and grow interest. This is the same way we must earn trust from a woman. Invest time, loyalty, attention and consistency in a woman, EARN her trust, so her INTEREST in us will grow. This is called building up equity with a woman. Trust is equity, built up only by displaying trustworthy actions to earn trust.

By: Ebrahim Aseem Follow @fuel4thebody

IG: @Fuel4TheBODY
Twitter: @EbrahimAseem

It is not for us to understand why it is so difficult for a woman to let go of past pain people have put her through; it is not for us to understand why she gets so emotional; it is not for us to understand why she shuts off the whole world; it is for us to BE UNDERSTANDING of her. Check your bank account young king, just as your money needs time to grow and you are patient with it; a woman needs time to heal; be patient with her. She’s not a flake; she’s not being immature or playing mind games.

If you knew how hard it is for her to even go to sleep at night, because she’s held prisoner by her mind and haunted by her thoughts; over thinking; self doubt, questioning why she can never get the same support, loyalty, consideration and love she shows every single person who walks into her life, acting like they are permanent, only to walk out her life with no warning; you would understand what it feels like to be a brother and watch your sister go through this daily; crying in front of you and you have rub her back, sit there & feel useless; maybe then you would understand the importance of being patient with a woman.

Don’t ask a woman, “why can’t you just let me in and trust me?” Don’t demand her trust with your selfish words. Earn her trust with your deserving actions by showing her loyalty, patience and consistency, and I promise you young kings; she will give you her all, if you EARN it and lose yourself in her love.

As a woman’s rock and strength, we have to listen to a Woman’s silence. Even when she is being quiet, her thoughts are LOUD as hell. The echo of her silence speak to the pain she’s experienced; lies she’s been told; hurt she’s endured. Deep thinking women are in DEEP thought all day, with no one to vent her deepest thoughts to and take her painful thoughts away. Earn her trust; make her feel comfortable to open up to you. Be the one she can vent to; listen to the echo of her silence. Observe her thoughts by listening to her without interrupting her; absorb her pain with your positive vibe and understanding heart to take her pain away, replacing it with restored happiness.

Be careful what you say to her; your words stay with her. Don’t get so frustrated with her, that you hurt her with words. Don’t make her cry constantly; make her smile uncontrollably. Don’t break her down; build her up. If she’s willing to be loyal & faithful to you without a title, she DESERVES your commitment. If you like her, TELL her constantly. If you care about her, SHOW her consistently. Don’t call her ‘over emotional’; support her emotions. If you want her in your future, faithfully commit yourself to her.

Young kings, do not be fooled into giving all this patience and understanding to a selfish, mentally-immature female. Understand, there is a huge differed between a feMALE and woMAN. This is spiritual:

A (fe)MALE is the ‘natural huMAN’ human persona.
A (fe)MALE is a mammal with a penis or vagina.
A (wo)MAN is a spirit who controls the (fe)MALE part of one’s self,
a (fe)MALE is a spirit that allows the (fe)MALE (flesh) part to control it.

I’m tired of people taking all the loyalty, kindness & hard work YOU do for granted, like its nothing. It seems the more patient you are with them, the more they act like you HAVE to do all you do for them. Promise me you’ll stop giving patience, kindness, loyalty & understanding to all selfish & using people in your life; that’s like watering seedless soil with water, expecting flowers to blossom. Pouring out your patience, kindness, loyalty & understanding to people who don’t possess the seeds of selflessness, humility & mentally-maturity is a waste for you, because no matter how much you continue to give to this type of mentally-immature person; no appreciation of you by them will ever come to fruition.

This is the reason why it has never worked out with anyone in your past;

you keep giving the selfish, using, mentally-immature people you’re physically attracted to the opportunity to play the role your dream mate was put on earth to reprise. Stay single, available & loyalty to your dream mate young kings & queens, even though you’ve yet to meet them. So, once you finally FIND them, you will be ready to attract & keep them in your life, as I am doing with my future wife, even before I am even married or plan to be.

“Ebrahim, I love hearing your words, they give me life, but I feel like you are romanticizing the way in which men in this generation are willing to treat a woman,” an extremely tall, curly haired, biracial woman asked me during a Q&A session I had at a public speaking event to a group of five dozen tech entrepreneurs.

As the young woman kept talking, I was juggling listening to and empathizing with her personal testimony, while trying to figure out just how tall she was. She appeared to be 6’3’’, but when I looked down to her feet, I noticed she wasn’t even wearing heels to lift her height; she was wearing sandals. She was at least half-a-foot taller than half of the men in the audience; looking like a tall ass giraffe, grazing the savanna in Pride Rock. I quickly glanced away from her open-toe-flip-flops, looked in her eyes and focused my attention back to her testimony.

“For every one of you,” she continued, “there are thousands of men, or excuse me, males as you say, who constantly make us feel like we are wrong about everything we expect from a man regarding loyalty and commitment. After I broke up with my boyfriend of three years for failing to commit to only me and mention a future for himself with me in it;

my own brother told me, ‘see, all y’all insecure women with high-ass standards act like a man, build up a wall, then wonder why you’re single. No man wants to commit to a woman who can’t treat him like a man and not always try to tell him what to do.’ My own brother told me, ‘when you expect so much of men and have such high and unrealistic standards, then build up a wall to keep every man out; you will never find a husband, because your standards are too high and that’s a turn off to guys.’ I’m even told by many of my girls, who have disloyal boyfriends, that I expect too much of men.

This really discourages my spirit, because I don’t intend to have a wall up, I have just been through so much. I’ve been physically abused in relationships by men; I’ve been sexually assaulted as a teenager. When I found out I was pregnant by the 25-year-old man who raped me; I was kicked out of my house at 16-years-old by my father who wasn’t even there to console me through my miscarriage. All the things I’ve been through are what contribute to my wall. I had to bring myself out of the hell alone, with no help, not from the men in my family, not from any boyfriends in my life. This is why I’m so insecure, because I feel like no matter what man I meet, even of he is willing to love me for me and not just my looks; I feel he will one day abandon me like my father did when I need him most.

I view myself as a queen and a future wife, but the men who like me; I never like them. This is why I’m starting to feel I require too much and some of my standards are way too high for a man to reach. I don’t know if I should lower my standards or what, see; this is why I’m single. How do I lower my standards and lower my wall so I can find a king to marry me?”

“Don’t feel bad about having a wall up young queen. That wall is your PROTECTION from getting hurt again. Once you meet a strong, mentally-mature Man, who EARNS your trust by being patient with you, drowns your insecurities by showering you with loyalty, and melts away your past pain with his burning desire to listen and understand you in a way no one ever has cared to do, to the point he speaks life into your dying trust; your wall and trust issues will come tumbling down.

Males feel your standards are too high for them to reach? Guess what; raise those standards even higher. Your girls with disloyal boyfriends say you expect too much of men? Increase your your expectations of men. You know why? Because only at that point, when you raise your standards and increase your expectations of men, will you repel all weak-minded males who can’t handle you and you will attract only a mentally-mature man, who can reach and exceed your standards with his regal mentally and make you his wife. As long as the standards you have for a man are the exact standards you have for yourself, your standards can never be too high. How can what you expect of someone else be too much to ask, when you are willing to give someone else the exact thing you expect from them? It can’t.

Your standards are NOT supposed to drop, else they are no longer a standard. One standard mentality-mature men undoubtedly have for women is, she does not lower her standards. This means, every time you lower your standards of men, you actually become unattractive to the very mentally-mature MAN you want, and you become available to the very mentally-immature MALES you don’t want, who have no intention to make you the wife you were born to be.

Think of the the wife you want to one day be; the mother you want to be on day; the sister and friend you want to be, and the spiritual woman you want to be. I want you to envision exactly what that looks like; create that vivid picture in your mind and hold it there constantly When memories of past pain come to mind, erase those memories and replace them with those four things you envision yourself to be. Think of how you would act and handle disappointment as that person you envision yourself being in the near future; envision yourself happy and send that thought out into the universe, so it can reciprocate back to you. Create a vision board, and in it, paint the picture of the queen you want to become so you can attract the dream mate you want to marry and the person you want to be to you like a magnet.

Your thoughts are things, so declare them to the universe. Stop holding on to and creating thoughts of what you don’t want and what you are tired of; that is why you get more of those things. You are not the abuse you have endured for so long, you are not your past, you are not the mistakes you have made; you are not the pain people have subjected you to; you are not even a woman; you are a spirit. A spirit is able to become anything the human mind can conceptually create it to be. You can mentally train yourself to be anything you want to become, but in order to do so; you must let go of this idea of yourself as weak and a victim.

Do you remember every gift you’ve ever been given by everyone? Every smile that has been painted on your face by someone? No? Why then do you remember every negative thing that has happened to you? We have to train our minds to stop holding onto the pessimistic thoughts that come to our mind. Stop yourself every time you think a negative thought of yourself and every time you picture yourself as the person who experienced that pain long ago. Be the artist to paint the picture of the beautiful soul you were put on this earth to be.

I know many people in your life misunderstand your strength and your depth. They inaccurately assume, just because you’re so strong and never let anyone see you weak, you don’t need someone to be strong for YOU to lean on. They assume, just because you have a smart mouth, you don’t feel emotionally weak sometimes. They think just because you are the most beautiful woman they have ever seen, you don’t feel so insecure inside, to the point you wonder why any man would ever dream of loving you. Well, they are wrong.

All that you’ve been through no one knows, or even cares to know how much it hurts you. They see your outer beauty as a bright star, yet they have no idea the burning nova of insecurity, exploding inside the dimensions of your heart, because of all the disloyalty you have experienced at the hand of the people closest to you.

This is why you have a wall. Now, I want you young kings to respect this queen’s testimony and use it to help you understand that every woman you meet has a story. If you see she has a wall up, don’t complain about it to her. That wall was built by lying and cheating MALES in her past for a strong MAN like you to break. Once you EARN a genuine woman’s trust through loyalty, cutting off all females you’re talking to on the side, being understanding, letting her vent, and proving you are REAL by being her rock; you will no doubt break down her wall & she will give you her heart and trust you completely.

Queen let me assure you, you’re insecurities, your wall and all your flaws will not keep you from attracting your king; as long as you are willing to be humble enough not to hold actions of males in your past against him, and as long as you willing to be confident enough to let him know you are worth being understood, despite your past. Even though you’re a woman with trust issues and you may posses more insecurities than hours in the day; be confident in knowing you are most definitely worth to a man all it takes to free you from this, because you posses the strength and wisdom
to help make him a strong man. It was put in you by the Holy Spirit, this is your worth and gift to a man.

Your prize and most valuable thing to offer a man is not your vagina as so many weak-minded, wanna-be motivational speaking, borderline-down-low males will tell you.
Your prize and most valuable possession to offer a man is your wisdom. Proverbs 3:18 says,

‘SHE is more precious than rubies & all the things you can ever want or desire can never compare to HER’

Proverbs 4:6 says, ‘Forsake her not, and she shall preserve you: love her, and she shall keep you.’

As men, we have to love and value wisdom the same way we love and treasure a virtuous woman, with our actions and not just with our words; with trust, loyalty, faithfulness and consistency; with all our attention and all our heart, because SHE is the one thing that will make us a Mentally Mature Man.

There is nothing attractive to a mentality mature woman about an immature, ignorant man. Being a man is not about pursuing curves, making multiple women you have no intention to commit to fall for you all at once, getting money, obtaining tangible things; no. Being a Mentally Mature Man is about getting wisdom first, and you will obtain IT through her.

This is why the Holy Spirit chose women to be the carriers of life and the divine and angelic representation of the Holy Spirit on earth as mothers. Weak females birth weak males. Strong women birth strong men.

What makes you a king is not your penis; that simply makes you a male mammal. Just because you can make a woman love sick over you, than prescribe her Dickquil, having her addicted to you like codeine, blind to all the pain you cause her; that does not make you a king.

Proverbs 4:9 says, ‘She shall give to your head an ornament of grace: a crown of glory shall she deliver to you.’

What makes you a king is obtaining wisdom. She will give you a crown of glory as your queen, and the act of getting wisdom is what will give you the discernment to know the difference between a woman of wisdom and a female of immaturity.

I see so many young men who are only pursuing females with just an amazing body, and they can’t see they DESERVE so much more than the wisdom-lacking ‘females’ who they go deep inside.

If you truly see yourself as a king, why do you continue to only pursue hoe-maidens? Then you have the audacity to refer to ALL women as ‘hoes’ and ‘bitches’ collectively. If you’re only pursuing women based off physical features and over-sized sexual organs, who is the real hoe? You are. Cut that whore mentally out of the garden that is your mind; don’t allow the lie that all women, not females, but women are anything less than queens, to be planted in your mind. That thought is a weed. Only pursue the caliber of women that you would like to one day raise your future daughter to be, so she will grow up to be a queen one day, just like mommy.

I see so many taken women who are settling, and they can’t see they DESERVE so much more than the ‘males’ who they choose to allow inside their vagina and inside their heart, can offer them.

If you truly see yourself as a queen, why do you continue to give peasant-male-whores the time of day? You should never cry yourself to sleep in a relationship; you should never feel alone in a relationship. You should never endure verbal abuse, mental abuse, or physical abuse; be called fat, ugly, stupid, dumb, nagging-bitch, over emotional; that most definitely is NOT love. You should never be stuck in the house on a Saturday night with no where to go, if you have a boyfriend or husband. Where is he? Why isn’t he on his job? Oh he’s with his homies. So is he in a relationship with you or his homies? If he can’t play the ROLE of your MAN, don’t give him the title of being ‘your man’. Don’t be so quick to claim a male who is so quick not to claim you. Never stay loyal to a male you would never want your future DAUGHTER to date in the first place, else she will grow up avoiding the good men and giving a weak-minded male undeserved loyalty, allowing him to ruin her chance at ever attracting a king, just like mommy.

Young kings and queens, staying loyal in your relationship to a person who is putting you through hell, being inconsiderate, expecting you to be loyal to them, while they openly talk to multiples on the side; for you to stay loyal to a person who is disloyal to you, that is not admirable. You look silly and weak to your friends. Then, you have nerve to try and give your friends relationship advice? They just look at you like you’re insane. Stop being the laughing stock of your circle. Stop trying so hard to be so loyal to someone who is trying so hard with their actions to show you how much they they really don’t love you and how much you deserve better.

You ever friend-zone someone, and then when they try harder to get your attention, you’re left thinking,
‘why the hell can’t they take the hint? I am obviously showing them with my distant actions I don’t want them!’
This is the real reason why, when you try so hard to be loyal to someone, they destroy your loyalty and trust in them by behaving unfaithful. They are thinking,
‘why the hell can’t they take the hint? I am obviously showing them with my distant actions I don’t want them!’

When someone treats you like trash, take them seriously; they’re not playing. I never understand how you Queens with ‘boyfriends’ are always so bored and lonely at night, especially on the weekend. If you are a man’s ONE & ONLY, he will plan his whole week around spending time with you on a Saturday night; trust, and where he is at night and on the weekend is where his heart is.

What do you think a relationship is? The man you love is the one who should keep you entertained at ALL times. You’re too beautiful on the inside young queen, to settle for a peasant male who has no relationship skills; doesn’t cuddle with you at night; can’t take you out on a REAL date on the weekends, can’t stop liking half naked kangaroo looking females pics on Instagram long enough to text or call you; has been with you for nearly a year and has yet to mention either marriage; or plans for engagement, or at least a life together with you anywhere in his future; lacks the wisdom to know making you his girlfriend is NOT a commitment, as only a faithful marriage, free of cheating and dishonesty is a true commitment; but you’re still with him, because he’s ‘cute’ & ‘buff’ ‘tall’ & ‘the D too bomb’.

Have better standards for yourSELF. Self standards is the new sexy. Have enough respect for the real men out here, to stop only allowing weak males to commit to you, then bashing ‘most MEN’ based off the behavior of the few MALES you CHOOSE to date and ALLOW to have your loyalty.

Young queens, don’t spend all day thinking about that one male who can’t even make you the only one woman on his mind, let allow in his phone.

Young kings, don’t waste your heart and commitment on weak minded females, just because they have enticing looks and an attractive body. Please don’t allow a woman’s insecurities, standards or her wall to scare you away from providing her with the love from a man that has eluded her all her life.

A woman’s wall is a window she hides behind; break down that glass, shatter her insecurity and build her up with confidence as her strength.

A woman’s insecurity is an obscurity, constantly blinding her of her true worth; melt away her insecurity with your burning passion of love, acknowledgment and appreciation of her inner beauty, never giving her any doubt she is the only woman who can arouse your intrigue and peak your attraction.

A woman’s high standards are the key to her heart and the guidelines she herself lives by; do not allow this to discourage you from proving yourself able to reach her high standards; use her high standards as a treasure map to find the uncut diamond hiding inside her rough flaws.

Faithfully commit yourself to a strong minded, loyal woman, who can value and respect your manhood, and speak life into your inner king.

IG: @Fuel4TheBODY
Twitter: @EbrahimAseem

I am an author, and I do Public Speaking events in the San Francisco Bay Area.

For Public Speaking inquiries & booking, contact me

I post new articles every Thursday, here is my DEEP baritone voice Speak Life, public speak:

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About Ebrahim Aseem

I am a chef, writer & motivational speaker. I've been a youth mentor for young Black men for 10 years & I'm currently shopping my first book, "Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women"
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7 Responses to Insecure WOMEN w/ High ass STANDARDS act like a man, build up a WALL, then WONDER WHY they’re SINGLE

  1. this is ASTOUNDING!!!

  2. This essay is packed with wisdom and respect for the female soul and spirit. The title kind of threw me off however, but I proceeded to read the article and I am glad I did! I would offer a small suggestion on how to edit the title…if I could. Not because I think I am a better writer. But because I want the profound message of the article to be congruent with the title. My suggestion is this;
    “Insecure” WOMEN, with “high-ass” standards have them, because they are NOT insecure. They are just deemed insecure, because the world of men demand she compromise herself. She remains single because she CAN, and because she WILL NOT, compromise her standards. How is THAT for SELF-LOVE” ?

    …..or something like that. Wish I could meet you A-E Aseem!!!!!!!

    • A-E Aseem says:

      I don’t come up with “titles” for my writing. I use a quote SOMEONE ELSE ASKED ME, to show: when we preJUDGE BEFORE seeing its WHOLE & totality; we miss the beauty inside it.

      This subtitle you saw is actually a quote that tall, Curly-haired young lady made in this article, so for this reason I cannot edit it as you suggested, because I would then be editing the woman’s words in the quote she said.

      I’m fluent in sarcasm enough to mock that offensive quote, hold it up to the world to show how insane it sounds to men who understand a woman’s heart. Thank you for your positive feedback! Thank you for supporting my purpose to uplift men and woman! It is truly humbling young queen.

  3. Mirrander McClain says:

    This article is “Breathtaking”, I think you are a very inspiring writer, that truly value women. Continue to uplift men and women, you are simply amazing; It soothes my soul to know that men like you exist… Best wishes to you, I can see a even brighter future for you ahead; May God bless your “Future Wife”, because she will be one lucky Queen to have a King like you!

  4. Libby says:

    Ebrahim, you are truly a young king who is earning his throne. I have been an adult woman in this world longer than you have been alive, and I can tell you from experience, men like you are exactly the kind of leader men need. I have been in a leadership role at work for a couple of decades and I’m good at it, although I never sought the role, I was pushed into it because I had natural leadership qualities I was not even aware of when I started out. But that was a technical field where as this is the humanities field. I believe when it comes to this topic, men need to lead men. Women can only do so much. It’s is more effective when it is men who work to lead young men in how to be a man imo. Bravo. Keep up the great work. I hope you do not mine me giving my opinion in this way. I intend it to encourage you. Not because you seem to need it but because I feel you earned it.

  5. kary says:

    Hi Ebrahim! I want to say first: Thank you! 🙂
    You gave me so much hope, before I found your posts, I was not so sure of myself, I am on my way to becoming a young woman, just ended an abusing relationship I though it was love, now I see I was week and manipulated. I also think God through his angel send me little details and signs that Im not in the right relationship and need to get out of it, this may sound weird but I think that what Im experiencing is real.
    I know understand and know my worth and after I read your posts it made me even more confident of my own thoughts. As I read your posts I see wisdom, inspiration and good advices, I feel also pain in my chest while reading as you say the truth because I don’t understand the people who do not value love, and as there are too many boys(as I call them) in the world now I fear that will I find my true love, and the man and king that will not judge me and truly care for my feelings? I am 21 years old now and all the boys I have met are not mature, their concern is plain sex and sometimes I fear that have I met my king while I was in the wrong relationship…I have doubts and pain inside….so I really thank you for spreading your message to people, and I really hope the boys will listen to you as they are missing so much in their life’s, I really hope we can see some changes in both boys and girls and if you do see changes please write about those also (if you want and have time) so we have more hope and joy.
    Thank you! God bless you and the queen you will find 🙂

  6. Liam says:


    Treat them like crap and they will come running

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