The worse thing we as men can do when our woman is expressing her feelings to us is to not listen to her; hang-up on her; interrupt her; ignore her texts & calls, or walk away from her when she’s expressing her feelings to us. It makes her feel like she’s not being heard or understood. It makes her frustrated to the point; it feels like she can’t swallow or breathe correctly, because you’re not hearing her. Young kings, I respect a man who doesn’t need to argue or raise his voice to express his feelings to his calm & respectful woman. That’s the type of man I look up to; enjoy chilling with; conversing in depth with; learning from.
If your primary form of communicating with your woman is to ARGUE with her, and then when it’s her turn to express herself calmly and respectfully to you, you walk away? You’re not a Man; you’re a little boy throwing a tantrum. When a woman respects you & your manhood, you will never have to tell her,
“you’re so childish”
“stop being so emotional”
Nor will you feel the need to ignore her words. She will shut herself up & listen without you even having to ask her, she can can soak up wisdom from you once you prove to her with your actions you have something substantial to say to her, to the point your words give her life. That’s when you know you have EARNED your woman’s respect. But to speak your mind, yell at her, argue with her, then when it’s time for her to talk; you walk off or ignore her; you’re proving to her how wrong she was to open up & trust your ass in the first place.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
We have no idea how HARD it is for a woman to share her thoughts and feelings, when she has lived her whole life with no one taking the time to understand her. When she was little, her mother constantly cut her off; never allowing her to express herself. Every man she ever had interest in always cut her off when she was in mid-thought, because he was too concerned with himself, he had no intention of listening to her. This is why strong minded women develop what you may consider a ‘smart mouth’. In reality, she’s not rude at all, it’s just; she is so used to not being heard, the only way she is able to speak her mind is to do it forcefully, because it feels like she can never get her true feelings out fast enough for someone to listen.
Some males assume a Smart Mouthed Woman is that way with everyone; this is not true. A Strong Minded Woman knows how to code switch. She can bite her tongue at work; though she wants to verbally slap the hell out of her co-workers. A woman treats you how she feels you are as a man. If you behave like a weak-minded boy, she will verbally walk over you. Yet, a woman can feel when she is in the presence of a MAN and not just a MALE. If you demand her respect with your actions and kingly assertiveness; she will never ever disrespect you with her words. The key to achieve this is to only pursue a strong minded queen to court, who will not bite her tongue, nor hesitate to speak her mind, yet, has the humility and tact to express herself humbly and respectfully. Once you find that queen and she opens up herself to you; don’t cut her off; don’t walk off. Let her speak. Then, make sure you say,
“I understand exactly how you FEEL and where you’re coming from.” Then say rather you agree or disagree. Support her; give her feedback and wisdom to understand if need be, but get it out of your head that you need to interrupt her to, say ‘your side’, to rebut everything she says or to correct her when you feel she is wrong. You are not her judge; you are not in her life to tell her when the personal feeling she is expressing is wrong. How a person feels based off their experience is never wrong; it may be off kilter, but it is genuinely how they feel. Change the environment around her so she has better experiences, but never try to change how a woman says she feels.
Don’t be a man who always has an excuse or a rebuttal when your woman opens up to you. Get it out your head that you have to save her, or rescue a woman, or always correct her expression of her feelings. It is not our job to CORRECT her or ARGUE with her. Sometimes she needs us to be caring enough as her man to just LISTEN.
As Strong Men of faith, we must remain confident, yet HUMBLE at all times. No success we achieve is by our own will young kings. The reason you can speak to a woman with such authority and she will acquiesce her emotions to you is, because the ONE who created you put the voice of authority in your mouth.
Hebrews 4:12 says, ‘For the word of God is quick powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the HEART.’ Meaning don’t use your voice of authority to speak doubt, pain, emotion, sadness, control, pimping, insecurity and lies into a woman’s heart. That is pride, one of the seven deadly sins. SPEAK LIFE INTO YOUR WOMAN’s heart to break down her wall, so she can trust in true love and you can lead her deeper into the word, once you two become equally yoked.
“I feel like our women are so broken, because they’re constantly watching reality TV, which depicts our queens as sex-craved, money hungry hoes. We can’t let the White man keep projecting this image into our minds,” a 12th grade, African-American boy with a receding hairline complained, during public speak I did for a couple hundred high-schoolers at a BSU assembly.
“As Black men, we need to stop blaming White people for all our problems. YOU are your own problem and your own solution. If you are unsuccessful, it is not because of what anyone else has done to you, it is not because what a White person has done to you; it is, because you procrastinate and allow the spirit of laziness to sow seeds of self doubt in your mind, to the point ambition is impossible to come to fruition,” I replied.
“Being a Black man does NOT mean you have to be a thug; or feel inferior; or be ignorant, or sag your pants; or degrade and use Women, or refer to the entire female sex as ‘Bitches’, or be a criminal; or be a Pimp, or slang; or only play sports. Being a Black Man does NOT mean using your race as an excuse for each instance someone doesn’t acquiesce to your level of procrastination. Just because you speak well does NOT make you ‘less Black’.
Too many Black people have a false self identity, because they are never taught about their history before slavery, when their history was royal and their thoughts were regal. Yet, when your ancestors were brought to this continent from their motherland, their identity and culture was stripped from them, along with their language; their families were ripped apart, sold away and separated; their God-made spirituality was stolen from them and replaced with man-made religion; so they don’t know who they are. Thus, some perpetuate stereotypes.
Young kings, you are more than the ‘nigga’ you call yourself. Your ancestors were the first people to walk the face of the earth; you descend from Earth’s nucleus. You consider yourself a man-of-God, yet you fail to realize you are God’s chosen people; the original Hebrews spoken of in scripture. Hold your head high; think and behave like the King you are.
Take responsibility for your own life; man the hell up. Throw on a button up, get a fresh cut and start making LEGAL money. Your life will most definitely improve once you stop making excuses, blaming others for your flaws and start working on SELF. Do you want a beautiful woman who has her own success? Well, no Beautiful, successful woman is attracted to a man who doesn’t have his OWN and can’t take responsibility for his own actions. You are a natural born leader, not because of your race, race is a silly reason to be a leader; you are a natural born leader, you are kings and queens, because you are a child of The Holy Spirit.
Being a Black Woman does NOT mean you have to behave ratchet; or rude; or loud; or feel insecure; or be illiterate; or behave ghetto; or be uneducated; or degrade yourself and use your body to make money, doing things you wouldn’t be proud of your daughter or your mother doing; or allow yourself to be called a ‘Bitch’, as long as the word ‘bad’ is a prefix preceding it; or only have boyfriends who are thugs, or a criminal, or a Pimp, or who slang or hit licks. Just because are educated does NOT make you less Black.
Many Black females, not women, but females have a false sense of self identity, because the idiot box, reality shows, WorldStar clips & music videos portray all women, including Black women as Big Breast, huge ass, long weave having sex objects, who don’t speak; just twerk to the hissing sound of dollar bills being rained onto her and when they are allowed speaking parts; they are projected to sound loud, ignorant and uneducated; constantly shown bobbing their head, pointing their fingers and rolling their neck, as if they have tourettes.
All of this is done on purpose. Males, not men, but males who control the media want to portray Black Women as a new school Sara Baartman, and just like Sara Baartman; the Black Woman today is a mystery. Her shape is simultaneously mocked, yet desired. Women get ass injections to emulate her natural build. Women get lip injections to emulate her full lips. Women get tans to emulate the natural hue her skin possesses. She is taught she is low, inferior & nothing and yet, without her, no man or woman would exist. The Black Woman is the mother of all humanity; the first woman to exist. Young queens, you are much more than your body; you are more than the ‘bad bitch’ you call yourself. You are the life giver; divinely chosen by the Holy Spirit to give life. You ARE strong; you ARE beautiful. Hold your head high, think and behave like the Queen you are. Smile in knowing that despite the fact you’ve yet to met a male who can respect you and understand you for who you are, your inner queen will repel weak-minded males and attract mentally mature men.
Too many of us males are not a MAN. Being a MAN means having the mental maturity to stay confident and secure in one’s self, despite anyone’s judgment of you. Too many of us males base our every action, speech, how we treat our women and how we live our lives off of what other males think of us. This is SLAVE THINK.
Black males, not Black MEN, but Black males subconsciously want to be accepted by society at large and have a strong need for who they are as a male to be validated. So what do they do? They project a thugged out persona. Instead of learning knowledge & studying a craft, they pursue illegal hustles. They complain the pimp game and drug game are the only ventures of income available to them, despite the fact universities are willing to pay their full tuition to a university via scholarships, so they can fuel their ambition. They have unprotected sex religiously, as if they’re allergic to condoms. They avoid faithfully committing himself to one woman, in favor of impregnating multiple women, with no desire to raise their child, despite complaining all their life their father never wanted to raise them. They consider avoid being romantically chivalrous to a woman they’re interested in, because their homies call that being a ‘simp’.
Understand this young kings, talking to a woman with respect is not being a simp. Taking a woman out on a date where you plan and pay for everything is not being a simp. These weak-minded, scorned males are confused. When you tell these all-body, no-brains, kangaroo looking females they’re beautiful, just because they have a fat, curvy butt; that is being a simp. Telling every woman what you think they want to hear, just so you can have sex with them; that’s being a simp. Putting your male friends and their opinions on relationships over a good woman; that’s being a simp, being a coward and honestly; that’s Down Low behavior. Don’t let these insecure, unintelligent Black males paint a false picture of manhood in your minds young kings. They lack the wisdom and discernment needed to give you any advice, as avoid engaging in spiritual conversation, mental ascension, intellectual activity and reading a book, as their homies call that ‘acting white’.
This mentality stems from when their ancestors would get lynched for reading a book, by their slave master, as the slaver didn’t want his nigger to be able to read and understand that he was a human, not a black object, which is the definition of the word nigger. For this same reason, the mentally enslaved don’t like reading, because the slave master of today doesn’t want black males to read and understand that he is greater than the slave master, but who is the slave master of Black males today? It is other Black males. Yes; let that sink in.
Who kills more Black males then anyone else? Other black males. No, not just black on black crime. The concept of ‘black on black crime’ is an ignorant concept. When Asians war against each other, is it called Asian on Asian crime? No, it’s called crime. When Germans steal from on another, is it called White on White crime? No, it’s called crime. So, the entire usage of ‘Black on Black crime’ as an idiom is idiotic. Still, Black on Black crime, if you will, is not the number one killer of Black males.
The number one killer of Black males is ABORTION.
Too many Black males force the woman they had unprotected sex with to either pop the Plan B pill like it’s a Molly, or to get an abortion. Who teaches Black males to dog, degrade and disrespect their own women? Other black males. Too many rappers teach young black males to treat and refer to their queens like nothing more than bitches and hoes who, if she isn’t giving him money, ass or sex, she is useless to him.
Who teaches Black males to neglect their responsibilities as a father? Other Black males; their OWN fathers. As soon as a slave had a child, slave masters would sell the child’s father away, so the newborn baby male would never have the direction and guidance of a man to be a man. This is why Black males are born daily, yet so many never mentally mature into being a man, because they never receive the guidance and direction from a man to be a man.
As a West-African Hebrew man, I do my best to be a living example that their are Intelligent, classy, successful Black men who can simultaneously love their culture and respect the magnanimous White men and women who have helped me or any of my ancestors in anyway. I can have this respect for White people, because even though both my maternal and paternal ancestors were slaves, not every White person alive are the defendants of slave owners. Many White people are the descendants of their White ancestors who fought against slavery and have love for all of humanity. I know this, because I have the wisdom to understand a White person may have different cultural experiences than I do, yet they are no different than me, who I really am, they are just a spirit in a different color body as me, and spirits have no race.”
“Ebrahim, I do feel you are a good example that real Black men exist, but you’re the exception not the rule,” a 12th grade Eritrean girl complained. “Most Black Men don’t respect us women the way you do; they treat us like we’re ugly, unless we have the lightest skin and the fattest ass. Most successful Black Men want to marry a White queen, not a smart mouthed sista such as myself, and it gets discouraging, because even tho I’m very confident in my mind and my beauty; it does break me down when I see men of my own race, and my own blood brothers talking down Black Women. Why is it that so many Black men, or excuse me, Black males as you call them, why do so many of them treat us Black women like they hate us?”
“The reason so many Black males treat their own women like they hate you is because they genuinely do hate you; they hate themselves; they hate their culture and they were taught this hate of self, because they were never taught who they really are,” I responded.
“Your teachers teach you that your ancestors were stolen from Africa, force-fed man-made religion and brought to America, because they were needed to pick cotton. That’s a lie; besides being brought here for their amazing skill in mathematics to act as city planners to help build this great nation; your ancestors were stolen from their way of life and brought here to incept a thought into your minds; that you are only good for your body and not the spirit inside your body; which is who you really are. Slave masters didn’t want men; they wanted niggers, black objects. They wanted property to do their work. This is the mentality of a pimp.
The word ‘Pimp’ has ironically become a huge term of endearment in many circles, particularly in our generation, through Hip Hop culture. I genuinely disdain when random males see me being social at an event with the type of beautiful women they objectify as a Black object; nigger, and they use the word ‘Pimp’ as a noun to describe me or an adjective to describe my interaction with these women.
I take that word as an insult to me, not a compliment. It has become far too common for males with low confidence levels to use ‘pimp woman-breaking tactics’ on confident, successful, breathtakingly beautiful women, by mentally breaking these women down with verbal assaults; picking at the wounds of their insecurities and flaws, so they inadvertently give weak-minded males who are out-of-their-league the time of day.
This is the reason far too many Black males talk down their own about Black women; telling them they’re only good for their body, not their spirit. This is the thought incepted into the minds of their ancestors post-Middle Passage. When a Black male talks down a Black woman, he does so in attempt to convince himSELF why he doesn’t want her. When in reality; it is not that he doesn’t want her, he just knows he genuinely lacks the substance to attract her and meet her standards.
It’s the “don’t fire me, I quit” mentality. These males only ‘quit’ and fail to show respect to a strong minded woman, because they know damn well they can’t play the position; are intellectually unqualified; are morally bankrupt; are romantically insufficient and under esteemed. How can you young kings use pimp tactics in attempt to attract women and expect to be considered a ‘grown ass man’? That’s weak game; that ‘Pimp’ mentality will never work on a woman who knows her worth. She’s only attracted to men, not males, but men with confidence and humility. She sees straight through that overly macho; false confidence; insecure-male pimp game.
The reason some Black Men want to marry a white queen is, because they genuinely fell in love with her. This idea that the reason Black men who marry White women do so, because all White women are so timid and submissive, and all Black men are too weak to handle a strong Black woman; that idea is the most racist, hateful theory one could ever conceive. For a woman to let such hateful words come out of her lips, shows not only her racist spirit, but her lack of sisterhood.
How can a woman say she doesn’t want to be lumped in with the behavior of ‘all women’ and yet she can begin, conclude or connect the subject and predicate of a sentence with the phrase ‘all white women’? That’s asinine. Is it true some Black Males choose to not date women of their own race, because they as weak-minded males are scared of strong minded women and are racist against their own race? Absolutely. Is it true some Black Males only choose to date White women, not out of love for them, but out of disdain for women of their own race? Certainly; yet the rare behavior of the unenlightened should never be the assumed mean behavior of the majority.
To blame another race over and over, and over for why our own lives are the way they are is the definition of insanity and the exemplification of racism. To deny racism exists is idiotic; to deny that there are indeed White people who are racist and have pure, unadulterated hate for Black people because of the color of their skin is unintelligent. Yet, to blame a whole race of White people for the hate only some White people possess is just as racist and hateful. Racism cannot wipe out racism; an eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind to the fact hate cannot conquer hate, only love can conquer hate.
As black men, we must stop blaming white people for the state of our own race and we must regally ascend to mental royalty. The whole world would bow to your level of wisdom, but it is now up to you to behave like the king you once were; this starts in the mind. Think like a king, stop thinking like a nigga, which is a Black object. Stop objectifying your Black women. Stop objectifying yourself, promoting yourself as only good for playing a sport or performing a sexual act, all objectifying characteristics, like a Black object; nigger.
The key to create a king is to birth one. Yet, only a queen can give birth to a king and only a king can groom a male into a king. Let us stop calling our queens bitches, treating her like she is our slave; Black object; nigger. Let us stop objecting our women, judging her by her ass, breasts and body, like she’s a Black object; nigger. Don’t you know slave masters used to only see your women as objects? Don’t you know your women were once sold like objects to the highest bidder? How can you then sex traffic your own women, and sell their body to the highest trick? You’re not a pimp, you’re a slave master; sex trafficking is the new slavery, and you are no better than the people who sold your ancestors into slavery.
As Black people, we have to let go of this misconception that all White people are racist, evil and against us as a whole; that is a lie. Were slave masters White? Yes, but so were some of the people who helped fight to free slaves and end slavery. Quakers were White women who not only freed slaves via the Underground Railroad, they also helped end British slave trade in 1807. This is significant, because America has always been and still is under British rule. If you can’t look past the color of a person’s skin to see the spirit inside of them, you are the one who is racist, not them.
Race is just a concept; spirits have no race. We are all spirits, wrapped in the human form, like a gift wrapped inside a box. Who cares what color the box is? It is the treasure inside that is to be valued, not its container. We are not Black men, White men, Italian men, Latin men, Asian men; we are not even really huMAN beings. We are spirits, being human for a short time, while our spirit is on vacation in this dream called life on earth.
Do not allow your experiences in this dream to incept the thought in your mind that you are your race. Your body is simply the temporary clothes for your spirit. Clothes do not define the person who wears it. Just because you wear a black shirt or a White shirt, does not define who you are inside. Likewise, just because your spirit wears a Black body or a White body, that color does not define the body inside.
Please don’t mistake race for culture. Culture is your genetic origin, either regionally or biologically. Culture is your customs; your tradition; your linage; your inheritance. Race is merely a concept that divides and separates. Culture is an origin that unites and synthesizes. Embrace your culture; your self identity is hidden in the tangled fibers of its weaving. Yet; do not allow race to blind you of seeing a spirit for what it is, a colorless form of energy; divinely created to be worth more than the color of the skin the spirit wears as clothes.
Hold your head high; mentally ascend out of the stem state into your frontal cortex thrown and be the kings and queens you were put on earth to be. Be strong. Be confident. Be a Black MAN; be a Black Woman; not just a nigga.
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