How to HEAL from a BREAK-UP


    Giving your all to someone who will never be mentally equip to value all the painful sacrifices you make to trust them will turn your heart cold. Move on.

    By: Ebrahim Aseem Follow @fuel4thebody
    IG: @Fuel4TheBODY
    Twitter: @EbrahimAseem
    From the upcoming book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”…

    When a loyal woman sees you date down or act as if she meant nothing to you after the break-up, you make her feel like everything she gave you, every secret about her past she ever shared with you, every time she opened up to trust you & everything about love she tried to put you on to was all a waste of her time and energy.

    A break-up makes her question life and its meaning, because she doesn’t want to have to do it all again. Learn to trust again, open up again, invest so much of her, time, love & emotion into getting to know another man again, unsure if this will finally be something real, or just another eX painted on the canvas of her heart.

    Those EXs hurt. Imagine engraving an “x” on your actual heart. That is how a breakup feels to a loyal man and woman. Its agony. It feels like drowning, every day, every time they remember anything from the relationship. When people say, “what happened to you and your boo thang? You and him looked so good together” you don’t know how hard it is for them to keep a smile on their face while drowning inside.

    The biggest mistake I ever made was making a woman love me before I took time to see if we were compatible enough to be together for life. That is what this love thing is all about to a loyal woman. It’s not a game to her. This is LIFE.

    A loyal woman doesn’t fall in love, she doesn’t feel love, no, she IS love. That’s why she treats her pet dog like it’s her baby. That’s why she loves flowers like a sibling, mourns when she sees animals brutally hurt, cries when she hears a Jhene Aiko verse speaking to her soul or squeezes your arm & hides inside your cuddle during the scary part of a movie. She is everything that love is, and every thing that has love touches her heart.

    She is not her ass, nor her breasts, nor hear pretty face, hair or curves, that’s the spaceship her spirit has to wear as it travels through this dimension called life. She is not a “bad bitch” she is love, and once you plant feelings inside her only to remove that love, she questions life, because her whole life is love.

    Don’t make the mistake I made in my past by rushing love, young kings. Take your time with love, she is like an aged wine to be sipped and savored. Be gentle with love, she is like a fragile Tigerlily pedal, who’s aroma of love is released through time. Value love. She is worth more than money, she is more precious than rubies, and all the things you can ever desire can not compare to her, love. If there is a loyal woman in your life who has given you her heart, but has yet to fully heal from her last break-up, tell her this…

    If you are my woman, you don’t have to rush into the sheets with me to keep me from cheating on you with a woman who will. My self integrity does that for you. Your body isn’t a weapon against cheating, my LOYALTY is and everyday my loyalty is a weapon, out here fighting off all these other girls for you. I’m too much of a strong, competitive man to fail at love by cheating myself out of a future with a treasure like you.

    If you are my woman, the warmth of my love, consistency & loyalty to ONLY you should melt away your trust issues & burn away your insecurities. If I’m not IMPROVING your life, why am I in it? Just because I wasn’t the one to give you trust issues, doesn’t mean I can’t be the one to take them away by understanding you.

    The reason it’s so hard for you to get over a break-up is, a part of your EX’s ora is still inside you. Sex is more than physical relations, it’s also spiritual penetration. When a man goes deep inside you, his energy & ora is penetrating yours, his spirit goes inside yours and a piece of it stays with you. Even after the break-up, that piece of energy is still inside you, haunting your mind, forcing your memory bank to deposit painful thoughts on repeat into your head.

    The only way to exercise your EXs energy from your spirit is to shed the image of yourself as being weak & grow a new self-image of strength.

    A break-up can feel like you’re burning alive, like everything you feel and everything you are is on fire. To heal from a break-up, shed your burned image of self. Lose the idea of who you were before the break-up. Let it go. That was a former life. You were not dumped, you were FREED. You are now available for your dream mate to walk in your life and give you something realer than you ever felt. This is your cardiac-emancipation.

    In your heart of hearts, you know damn well your EX never deserved your number, let alone your love. You settled for them, because you saw potential in them they never saw in them self. But your phantom heart cannot drive off the potential of fuel. Only true love can fuel your heart. Your ex was on empty, possessing no love fuel to give you. This break-up was a blessing. No one was dumped. You were freed.

    Ever wonder how your Ex can move on from you so easily? Because they finally realized their selfish ass never would be good enough to deserve all your amazing, loving spirit has to offer. When will YOU realize this too? Your EX finally realized your worth, that’s why wih this break-up, they removed the curse holding back all your life’s blessings, themSELF. When will YOU realize your own worth?

    In order to get over a break-up, you must go out on a date, find a new love and write them a love letter. This new love must be special, they must be sweet, caring and able to see your worth in a way your EX never could. This new love must promise to never hurt you, bad talk you or make you feel like life isn’t worth living by destroying your trust like your EX. This new love must have inner beauty, be more loyal than all your EXs combined and you must promise yourself right now you will love this person for life in order for the healing to really work.

    There is only one place you can find this new love and it requires using social networks. But first, go in your bathroom and use your mirror to take a picture of yourself smiling.

    Post this picture on your facebook & Instagram under this caption “#TheLoveOfMyLifeIsME”

    There is power in self-love. There is healing in self-love. You are your new love. Get dressed up & take yourself out on a date. Write your SELF a love letter, saying all the things your dream mate will love about yourself, then frame it on your wall. You want something real? Be someone real first. If you don’t love you, how do you expect a man to love you. Don’t try to feed me a dish that is unappealing to your own taste. Would you want a man who lacked self-love and confidence? Afraid to be strong and take control? No. Well, your dream mate doesn’t want to fall in love with a self-hater.

    Some males complain, “I never met a woman good for anything other than her body, or giving me money,” yet they were birthed by a woman who gave him all the love in her heart. Only a sorry, weak-minded male hates & degrades women, especially if he has a daughter. This is a self hater.

    Some girls complain, “I never known love!” on their pics, yet they’re blessed with a child who loves them more than a man ever could. Only a sorry, weak-minded female puts desire of moby dick over her children. This is a self hater.

    You know what’s attractive to a mentally mature man? A woman who loves herself, more than she could ever love a man. Mmmm queen, that means you got self-love and you got good head. But when I say “head” I’m not talking in the bed. I’m talking about your mind, meaning I love our conversations. Our words french kiss, while our thoughts have relations.

    Your curves are a weapon, but your body is a blessing. Shake your intelligence before my eyes, grind your deep thoughts on mine. Mind you if I mind your mine, golden thoughts I’m sure to find.

    Thing I’d always miss most about being in a relationship after a break-up isn’t ‪the sex, as amazing as it was‬. It’s the mental ascension conversations that get DEEPER every night we converse. Conversing with a Deep Thinking woman who loves herself feels like a movie building to a plot that never gets old & story with an ending that never gets told. If you have ONE person who has your heart, call them right now, or lean over & say, “I love you & I never get tired of talking to you.”

    “Right now I really need your spiritual advice more than ever,” a brown-skinned beauty confided in me,” I’m going through a lot with this break up. Thoughts of suicide have been crossing my mind these past couple of days and i just feel so stuck right now I’m at work crying I just don’t know what to do.”

    “Your EX made a selfish, cowardly, snake-like decision to improve your life by removing himself from it. He broke your heart, not because you’re unattractive, or un-pretty young queen. No. A male’s infidelity and selfishness is not automatically a reflection of your worth as a woman. Your EX wanted to gain confidence from breaking a loyal woman’s heart. He wants you to remain in pain for months, so he can smile from your pain. Don’t let him win. Move on, hold your head high, wear your crown of self confidence & be healed. Your monogamous king awaits you.

    You are not the problem. Do not let a man dictate how you feel about your self where, if he’s happy with you, you’re happy with life, but, if he’s not treating you how you want, you are unhappy with life. A man is not your God, so stop giving a man ultimate power over how you feel about yourself.

    Seeing a loyal woman depressed and suicidal from a break-up gives a weak-minded male LIFE. Mentally immature males are more insecure than a woman can ever dream of being, they love to reverse the roles and make a loyal woman mourn the break-up that released the curse from her life that was him.

    This is why I speak life into young kings, I don’t want good men to think if a woman doesn’t give him attention, text him first, make him her #mcm or approach him first, that she doesn’t like him. I tell them,

    ‘Women don’t want to seem EASY. Don’t make her have to call, text or approach you first. Show effort & actions. Consistently contact her often as possible. Give her attention. Make her laugh & smile hard. Compliment her. Pray for her. Reassure her. Your queen is worth it.’

    I made the mistake of committing to a woman before putting the time in courting her, and it proved disastrous. It doesn’t matter that I didn’t cheat on her. I broke her heart and I will regret it for life. I will dedicate my life to making sure I never put another loyal woman through heartbreak, and this is why…

    My Sister told me this one day, “brother, do you know what us girls do when you guys lead us on, make us fall for you, thinking you like us, then just stop talking to us out of nowhere? Us girls will start to question our selves, like, ‘what is wrong with me? Am I Ugly? Is it my ass? My breasts? My stomach? My face? What did I do to make him not like me?’

    We will replay everything you ever said to us in our head, trying to make sense of the pain. Then when it hits us you are really moved on to another girl, we sit & cry. We’ll grab a pillow, hold it to our face & cry into the pillow so no one will hear it. Then, we think about all the guys before you who acted cool in the beginning, making us catch feelings for them, only to break our heart out of nowhere. That bullshit hurts us brother.. That is a physical pain we feel all day in our stomach, we cry ourselves to sleep every night over it.

    You guys will have us pretty girls thinking we are ugly & us loyal women thinking there is something wrong with us, because of how bad you guys treat us. It only takes a minute for us to start liking you guys, but it takes forever for us to get over you. So, don’t lead none of these women on, making them catch feelings if you don’t have intentions to commit to them.

    Just because you guys stop talking to us, does not mean we stop loving you. If you find a loyal woman who cares about you, treat her like you want a guy to treat me. Remember, every tear you make her shed are the same tears I cry when a guy hurts me.’

    When you have to see you sister cry over a break-up & you can’t do anything, but hug her, rub her hand & dry her tears, you will realize like I have how stupid it is to play with a woman’s heart.

    @Maria @Jessica I was in tears while writing this & recording the video bellow. because the 1,000s of emails I get daily from suicidal men & women still not over a break-up is what motivated me to stay up all night & write this article. I still haven’t slept, omw to speak life into à group of teen girls, but I am thankful for all young kings and queens for knowing your worth. Thats the only reason I do this, to promote #SelfLove

    A brown-skinned beauty told me, “With this BREAK-UP, suicide has been crossing my mind.” This is what I told her…

    By: Ebrahim Aseem Follow @fuel4thebody
    IG: @Fuel4TheBODY

    My book will be out this summer.
    To show my appreciation for the millions who have shared the article, “Why All Men Cheat On Loyal Women” I will come out with a book on this WHOLE topic, including how to find your dream mate. Thank you for supporting my movement of changing the way women are respected in this world. This is only the beginning. #SpeakLife

    For Public Speaking inquiries & booking, contact me

    I post new articles every Thursday.

    Click on the link bellow for more! motivational videos & thought-provoking articles like this,
    Or to read a preview of my book, which should be available summer 2014

About Ebrahim Aseem

I am a chef, writer & motivational speaker. I've been a youth mentor for young Black men for 10 years & I'm currently shopping my first book, "Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women"
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5 Responses to How to HEAL from a BREAK-UP

  1. Thank you Ebrahim, you got me crying over here :’-) You understand me better than I understand myself and you don’t even know me, lol. Thanks for helping me confirm that I am doing the right thing by cutting off all contact with my ex. He was still finding too much joy in lying to me every chance he got while he visited with our children. Now my mom will handle the pass offs while I focus on finishing school and maintaining the steady ascension of my strength and self worth 🙂 Much ♡ and respect, Ebrahim!

  2. lovelyt26 says:

    Ebrahim, you have done it yet again. You article has left me speechless and I’m at a loss for words. I wish I had discovered you when I was going through a break-up two years. I too felt suicidal, but GOD restored me. And it wasn’t just the break-up, two of my aunts died and two people who I thought were my friends became very disrespectful with my man at the time, siding with them. Continue to speak life young King, and no disrespect to Steve Harvey, he’s an amazing man, but I can relate more to your relationship advice than his. You get to the heart of the spirit and it breaks chains. You’re amazing and I pray that GOD continues to use you in all that you do. GOD bless you and much love.

  3. ElmcityQueen says:

    Thank you so much for this!!!! It was very helpful to my current situation.. I love myself but you can never love yourself too much..Just taking things day by day with a positive mind frame will help in the healing process..

  4. Tamara says:

    Wow! You were talking about me and speaking to me! I’m speechless, literally because this is me. Thank you so much for this! I’m going through a bad 4 yr relationship with constant lying, cheating, staying out all nights, days at a time, stopped helping with the bills, he abused drugs and the list goes on and he made a child that I eventually accepted..and was back and forth with the child’s mother who abuses drugs also. He knows I am loyal and loves him to the core but would find any reason to say why he did me so wrong..well somebody told me they saw you here..well they say when a woman accuses a man its because she’s doing it…etc.etc…I hate even thinking about him with someone else…the women he end up with are the ladies who sneak pics of him unknowingly and put it on social media to prove a point, call phones blocked saying he’smine now, get pregnant to keep him is his motivation..not love..nor loyalty

  5. Patricia says:

    Hello Ebrahim, you are wise beyond your years! God has blessed you with spiritual and relational wisdom from above. Keep writing and encouraging us to settle for love and respect and nothing less, God bless you always!

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