A tall, slim-fit, brown-skinned actress asked me for advice recently.
“If a guy tells me he’s dating other chicks & me, what do I do?
#1. Decide what you want, a relationship, sex, a rebound or a free meal.
Always know exactly what you want from a man before you spend time with him. If not, his hidden intentions will become your eminent heartbreak.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
“I want a relationship,” the actress replied. “Should I feel threatened & run? Especially if I haven’t slept with him? Or should I play it cool & act like I don’t care.”
2. Make sure ‘what you want’ is defined, before you give a man your time, else he’ll assume you’re down to be his side chick #9.
“Never ‘act like you don’t care’ with a guy you want a relationship with, or you’ll see him cuddled up with a new bae on Instagram tomorrow.
If a man says you aren’t the only one he’s dating, have the standards & courage to demand respect, so he knows you’re no man’s side chick.
3. Tell a man you don’t give loyalty without commitment.
Tell him, “I really like you, but I really don’t like to share. We can go out on non-sexual dates with no commitment to see how compatible we are. Just don’t feel some type of way when the same rules apply for me. I will go on dates with other guys, until you, or one of them are ready to court me exclusively. I can improve the man you are if you let this commitment in your life.”
“Ok, no sex for his ass,” the actress said. “I haven’t given him any pussy & he’s admitted to having other chicks as fuck buddies. Like what the fuck? Dating sucks. Like why tell me this fuckery? I cussed him out.”
You are a goddess queen. You deserve exclusive commitment from a handsome, loyal man, but ONLY from one who is relationship-ready.
4. Stop dating handsome polygamists if you’re looking for a relationship.
If a man tells you he’s not ready for an exclusive relationship with one woman, yet he’s all cuddled up with you, taking you on dates, giving you his time, attention & honesty, you have no right to be mad at him. That’s not cheating on his part, that’s compliance on yours.
Use the ink of his honesty to paint a clear picture in your mind of the decision YOU want to make. Girls will choose a guy she KNOWS has side pieces, then complain he’s “playing” & “cheating” instead of just choosing a man who is relationship ready.
A breathtakingly gorgeous model who’s never been on a real date asked,
“There is a guy. We have mutual friends, but I don’t personally know him. Only Facebook. He has a business I gave him a few pointers on.
I am just confused on his intentions. He presented it like, “I love your ideas & would like to hear more. Want to go out for a drink Saturday to talk business?” After I agreed, he has now made it into a whole night planned out. Comedy club. Drinks, maybe dancing before dinner.
This will be our first real time meeting. I don’t want him to expect anything other than good vibes, good conversation & a base for us to finally know one another. I’ve never been taken out. I guess I just don’t know how things work.
This day & age, is it possible for a man to take a woman out without expecting to ‘get some’ after?”
5. The ‘non-hook-up-afterwards’ date
If a mentally mature man doesn’t know you, he will take you out for a happy hour drink or a coffee first date to get to know you through conversing & vibing. He has no expectation to get some sex that night.
6. The ‘sex-is-on-the-menu’ date
If a male takes you on an elaborately planned out date with multiple events, he’s romantically attracted to you thus trying to impress you. In his mind, ‘sex may be on the menu, but I’ll leave her the option to order it.’ The only way sex isn’t on the menu is if he comes out & says it’s not. Otherwise, he is expecting you to possibly sleep with him.
7. Guilt tripping or career threatening a woman into a date or sex
Never go out on a date with someone who can hire you or improve your career. If you refuse to sleep with them, they’ll tell everyone you slept with them for your career & rub your name in the dirt. If your gut is telling you no, don’t do it.”
“I guess I don’t know what my gut it telling me,” the model complained. “I’ve never been taken out. I’ve always been the care taker & provider to childish little boys, so I’m kind of just lost at how to take any of this.
Just sucks. First time I’m actually asked out & it’s just kind of a slap in the face. Makes me feel like shit. Sucks that I know I’m a good person, with a good heart & soul, yet my presence isn’t enough to demand respect. Sucks that very very very few people in my life have actually felt I was worthy to take time to get to know. Even just as a friend. I don’t know.”
Listen to my voice response to her: http://bit.ly/16YMapg
I guess I’m not good at judging people because I was always wrongly judged my whole life. The issue is no genuine men have walked in my life. I’ve made mistakes with bad men. But I feel I made those mistakes, because I wasn’t being presented with any real men with good intentions. All the males I’ve come across fall in the same category.”
8. You keep entertaining the men you don’t want.
If you’ve never met genuine man, you have to ask you’re self, why have I allowed myself to entertain men I knew were NOT the genuine grade of man I wanted? Why did I allow them in my life, my bed, my head & my heart
The universe is your oyster. State your intent to it & it will give it to you. When you allow someone in your life, you are telling the universe, ‘I want more of this energy in my life.’ This is the law of attraction. That’s why I am celibate while single. I am telling the universe I don’t want any woman to walk in my life, unless she can let me penetrate the walls of her mind before I destroy her walls.
“Touché,” the model replied. “No genuine men have come along, because of timing or just maybe I’m not fully mentally ready for it yet. I feel like I’ve got the right wisdom to get me where I need to be with not only myself but with a future relationship, just a matter of applying it.”
9. Withholding sex from a man is childish
Until a woman stops ignoring stimulating my mind, humor & intellectual prowess, I ignore her requests for sex. It always works. She either connects with me more, making the sex better & wetter, or she proves spiritually unworthy. Withholding sex is not “petty” or “childish” bro, it’s mentally mature. If she’s not willing to let you ease DEEP inside her mind, penetrating her soul, she doesn’t deserve for you to go DEEP inside her body.
Anytime a male makes you feel you owe him sex, it’s a red flag of a controlling, minute man. The type who doesn’t care if you got your orgasm, just as long as he got his. Why a beautiful woman would want to waste her time, drive all the way over a man’s house just to have five-minute, sex without an orgasm is beyond me.
10. If he got you in bed before he got you out on a date, it’s because you LET him. A man treats a woman how she ALLOWS him to.
It’s sad Most Beautiful Women have never been taken out on a real, planned & payed for date. Not because they’re stuck up. Beautiful Women are actually the most approachable, sweetest, friendly, caring ones. They just rarely get approached by Confident, Well Groomed, Successful, Funny, Strong Men, so they let men get her in bed before they get her out on a date. Approach a Woman today! Ask her out!
She feels like all her EFFORT goes unnoticed. Reassure her w/ consistent actions so she feels what she’s never felt from a man, appreciation.
When I’m on a date with a Woman, I like to make her laugh, see her cheese & smile hard. Hold her hand, hug her close so I can feel her heart beat through her chest. Look in her eyes the whole time we DEEPly converse. Lift her on my shoulders & give her a piggy back ride on our aquarium date. Little things like that are what makes taking a girl out on a date so special.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
Motivational #SpeakLife vidoes: Youtube.com/RealNewsmagazine
Hello I wanted to listen to your response but my computer said the file was corrupted. I still want to get it and am now following you on Twitter as of today Thanks waiting for a new link…… S.
Date: Fri, 13 Feb 2015 04:59:19 +0000 To: email@example.com
We’d be GREAT friends Ebrahim. Lol. Always an on-point read! Thanks!
I absolutely love reading your blog! I’ve been single, celibate, and happy for 7 months. I only give time to men who truly wish to court me and share my relationship goals, none so far have made the cut but hey in time I have faith we will find each other. In my times of weakness your writing reassures me that the road I’m on is the right one. Thanks for sharing!
Reblogged this on The Swish Chronicles: Dating Edition and commented:
Informative article…especially #8
oh my i cant get enough of this blog. your words are so real and they inspire me alot i absolutely love your work