Why men BREAK & hurt giving WOMEN, yet chase & repair HOES

Diptic

No matter how beautiful, giving, curvaceous, affectionate, supportive, self-sufficient & educated a woman is, an insecure guy will break her. Oh, he will act interested in the beginning & build her up, then he’ll snatch the world from under her feet.

This doesn’t just happen. Insecure guys break giving women on purpose.

By: Ebrahim Aseem Follow @fuel4thebody
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”

Growing up, I’d overhear the OGs in our crime-riddled hood teach us, “the best way to get a woman to like only you is to treat a giving woman like trash and treat a hoe like a queen.”

They theorized, breaking a giving woman robs her of her confidence, decreasing her down to a level you can control her emotionally, making her disloyal to her only life saver, her intuition.

In contrast, they felt encouraging a hoe (what they considered a fast, standard-lacking woman who’d do anything to obtain what she desired) increases her to such a degree, she will clingily acquiesce herself to his ego, filling any holes of insecurity he possessed.

I never used this theory, because it is the most idiotic thing I ever heard growing up, and yet, it works every time for one key reason.

A man who breaks a giver to chase a hoe, does so, because he is both broken & a hoe himself. To exchange a giver’s genuine nature for your brokenness is emotional whoredom.

Men hurt women who give their all, because he’s trying to save her from himself.

Imagine trying to save someone who loves you from a fire, but they won’t escape. You say go, they stay. You say leave, they remain. The flames are growing so rapidly. You’d push them, pull them & say any hurtful thing to get them to leave, wouldn’t you?

Well, this is why men hurt women who give them their all. He wants to save you from the fire of guilt & flames of insecurity he feels burning inside himself.

Insecurity is self-doubt, unsure of one’s self, lack of confidence
An insecure man in bed with both you & his self-doubt is an emotional-hoe.

Stop dating out of your league. If they’re not on your mental level, they will cheat to break you down to theirs.

A confident man is loyal. He knows karma humbles a player. Insecure men cheat b/c their mind lacks cognitive masculinity to innerstand karma.

I learned a woman who gives you her all, before you give her commitment, rocks with you without a title, before you cut off communicating with all your EXs & side chicks, gives only you her loyalty, before you prove with consistent & faithful actions you deserve it, a woman who gives you her all & expects nothing in return does not love you enough nor respect you enough as a man to inspire you to give your all. She’s an enabler.

If you give me your support, expect me to do something ambitious with it.
If you give me your time, expect me to value it by giving you effort.
IF you give me your loyalty, expect me to give only you my commitment.
Otherwise, if you give a man your intimate all & he is in no way required to give you his, you are his emotional-hoe.

It takes a strong, humble woman to admit she made a mistake being more loyal to a man and his red flags than she was to her own intuition.

A stunningly gorgeous single mother from Texas shared her story with me after reading my book, Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women.

“I just want to thank you so much for sharing all of your wise words, views and perspectives. You are my hero Ebrahim! You opened my eyes and saved my life!!! I was so lost, broken and confused. I was in a 4 year relationship with a male not a man who yes was cheating on me over and over.

Endless mind games, beyond comprehension. I am a 33-year-old Civil Engineer, independent single mom, have my own nice house, car, etc, and if I do say so myself I am the true definition of a good loyal woman as you describe. I put my all, my everything into this relationship. I had never put up with such disrespect from a man. One evening I stumbled upon your writing and read for hours. After the umpteenth time of discovering his infidelity with the same woman at work.

I literally quoted your words verbatim to him about “Why would I give my time to a man who refuses to give me his consistency…” and I left him alone. Just walked away. I didn’t freak out, pass go/collect $200, nothing, just left with my head high. I realized the reality of things. For once I wasn’t there trying to show him how much I loved him through forgiveness or how much better a woman I was or all that malarkey he had me doing for so long.

He was left alone all by himself with the girl he kept running to cheat with the whole time. It was then he realized how miserable he was. He realized how he and that girl had nothing in common. That she or no one else could ever come close to filling this amazingly huge space I had created in his heart and life. That he really had never hung out with her and knew nothing about her, and when he finally spent time with her, he really liked nothing about her.

He missed everything we had, everything I had been giving him for so long that he had been taking for granted. He missed everything he thought was so annoying about me. My goofy laugh, my country-southern pronunciation of words, my weird eating habits, my corny jokes, even my unique cooking (im half German/half Mexican) etc. He came back, like they always do, asking me if I had put a spell on him, because he’d never felt this way before.

He even asked me to marry him. I told him no, I was just a good loyal woman and although I may love him to death, I chose my self-respect over his inconsistency. I know my worth and know when to walk away from someone when they go some much out of their way to show me how much they don’t love me.

After that. it’s like your words became tattooed in his mind and heart and he has not stop going out of his way to show me how much he loves me. Its amazing. Incredible. Thanks again Ebrahim. We’ve never even met and you’ve touched my soul.”

My response to this woman, and any woman who gets broken by a man is this:

He didn’t break you. You held on too long. Be more loyal to your intuition than an inconsistent man.

You’ll find your husband once you stop looking and start being married to your ambitions. Mentally mature men aren’t looking for women disloyal to their dreams. They aren’t looking for a hoe, or a bae who will accept commitment-less situationships.

Wife sounds better than ‘bae’ to me. I refuse to downplay my marriage goals, because society deems it soft for a man to want monogamy with one woman instead of multiple bad bitches. If you find a giver, don’t use her, giver to her. Never walk away from a woman who stood by waiting for you. Never gave up on you. Don’t contribute to her anxiety. Be her calm. Fight for her.

I want a giver. Someone I can give my all to. Even when you’re irritated with the world. Even when you feel misunderstood. I will give you your space, but never leave you alone. Sit you on my lap & let you pour your venting words all over my ears. I will help you fight your demons. I will never judge your fears. I don’t have to save the day. I don’t need to fix you. I respect the enigma you are. Pour your words on me. I won’t interrupt their flow.

I want to pour my giving into you. Even when you get on my last nerves, I will never break you with my words. I want your corny jokes, your weird Bates Motel references & Pretty Little Liars quotes, which are weird to me, because I don’t watch those shows. I want to be your calm. The reason you smile, stupidly out of nowhere in front of your friends, because you just day-dreamed something I told you the other night.

I want to give you my fantasizes of cuddling you and the baby you give me, in my strong arms. Inhaling your scent. Blowing in our baby’s cute little neck, that has yet to unravel. I want to take away that tense feeling you feel in your stomach, right now, because you’re unsure if after all you’ve given, if one drop will be given back to you. It will. I will shower you with appreciation & acknowledgment, until you drown in my affectionate manliness.

I just want a loyal, affectionate, old soul, who supports my ambitions, calls my fears & who’s picture isn’t in everybody’d damn phone.

By: Ebrahim Aseem Follow @fuel4thebody
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
Facebook.com/AEAseem
IG: @Fuel4TheBODY
Twitter.com/EbrahimAseem
Blog: RealNewsPaper.wordpress.com
Motivational #SpeakLife vidoes: Youtube.com/RealNewsmagazine

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About Ebrahim Aseem

I am a chef, writer & motivational speaker. I've been a youth mentor for young Black men for 10 years & I'm currently shopping my first book, "Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women"
This entry was posted in Thought Provoking Articles and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Why men BREAK & hurt giving WOMEN, yet chase & repair HOES

  1. mirah says:

    dear Ebrahim
    I have been following all your posts ever since I discover about you in the internet,I must say they are very inspiring,its hard,but they do encourage me.I once dated a guy,we were on and off,till we finally seemed like we were heading to the right direction together&even moved in together,with his son that I loved as my own.we fought a lot over things that his baby mama would say,terreble things&when I try to reason with him we would end up fighting,as time went by I decided to keep things he was doing,things which hurt me,I kept them inside.I loved him,m not perfect,but I was respectful, to him,family&friends,was not the best cook but I tried,I think I did all I could to be happy with him&making him happy&negleting myself in the process,I gt a good job,m independent.Things got worse and I found out he was seeing someone else&as time goes by he was not hiding it anymore,the late coming,not coming home at all&the whole she-bang of a man suffering from excitement of new affair.I finally decided to leave,and left everything except my clothes,two days later I went back to fetch the last remaining of my clothes and discovered that he has already slept with her in our bed,our house,that was just it for me,him going all out to proove that he doesn’t love me or want me in his life anymore.I didn’t bother him from then as he even made it clear that I have no place in his life anymore and I am not welcomed at his house anymore.Its been six months now,I am trying my level best to get my life back in track again.but there is just that one thing I can’t seem to understand: what I have I done to him that is so bad that he had to treat me the way he did?? I don’t have the answer to that till this day! I just want to get on with my life but its so hard!! Some days are better that others,but some are worse!
    **tearful**

    Please help me get over this painful break up&get on with my life

    Mirah

    • dandilyonz4u says:

      You did absolutely nothing to him for him to have treated you that way. I called my ex just the other day to get some closure about how it was so easy for him to cheat and ignore me even though I was so noce to him. But after the phone call I realized I didn’t need to meet up with him to discuss anything because he would lie just like he lied from the beginning. He never had any intention of being in a relationship in the first place. And like the post said, we women should stop ignoring our intuition because there were signs from the get go that this guy was just a boy child and not a man but he asked me not to judge him and I didn’t, I had faith in him and look where that got me.
      All I am saying is don’t take the negativity on to yourself. You met all your promises and kept up your end of the bargain, he was the one who was a downright asshole. That wasn’t as a result of what you did or didn’t do, that’s just who he is.
      You weren’t the reason why the relationship failed…..he didn’t want one in the first place. He was lying from the get go, the one thing today’s men seem to be excelling in more than anything else

    • Julliet says:

      You did nothing wrong. I actually had to see a therapist just to get the same question answered…”what did I do to deserve this..”
      My therapist just echoed Ebraheem… He is broken, and hurt me out of his own free will. To the extent of telling me to leave if I feel like it.
      It breaks someone down to pieces but you can heal. Its going to be a process and there are times you will question your decision but listen to your heart. If I made it, its possible to heal and move on

  2. Julliet says:

    I read this over and over.. Its so sad and true at the same time, for my case. Thank you for echoing what my heart wouldnt hear from my mind.. At least I know I did not make a “big mistake”

  3. Keisha says:

    I love reading all of your posts! My current relationship is falling apart. He hasn’t cheated on me, well, not physically. I will admit to being wrong for checking his phone, but my intuition told me something was up and I couldn’t get one word out of him. Several occasions my intuition has lead me to his phone and every time I find something he is hiding. Sometimes it’s a girl he’s having inappropriate conversation with. Another time he was talking about a fight we had to the mother of his children (ex wife) and making it sound like he put me in my place, which he did not. I confronted him every time I would see the inappropriate content in his phone. Of course I would ask what else he was hiding. The answer was always the same. He has only done wrong by me the times I found out. Now, I know my intuition is good. But baby, it ain’t that good. I thought I did everything right. He chased me. He courted me. He appreciated me. He would have deep, sincere, and intimate conversation with me. Then as soon as I fell for him, it is like chains are wrapped around me. Like no matter how much I know in my gut, I just can’t seem to break free so that I can feel right again. But, reading your posts give me hope that real men still exist. With every one I read, another chain link drops to the floor and I am that much closer to that door that leads back to myself. So thank you for all your words. I look forward to reading more.

  4. Deidre-Renee Alexander says:

    Thank you King, again you have inspired me to continue my dreams and not to settle. I’ve been/currently in a situation that I’m torn and fearful of. I will do better for me. Ashe

  5. I am a giver, I always have been, when you are guilty of doing things for so long, it feels normal. the men that I gave to accepted, but once it was over, I felt no remorse, they wanted to re-enter
    into my life, wanted to come back into my life, but, I never took the back. if a person is causing
    emotional harm to themselves, it begins to feel normal, its no different than self-mutilation, eventually, you will have to seek therapy for inflicting this kind of pain on yourself.

  6. Wait... Que? says:

    You know that good pain, where you read something that is telling your story, but there is also that path out. I have a habit of being so giving with no return. Then, eventually, when it ends, I used to wonder why I felt so empty. I was on negative. Withdrawing with no deposits. I’m now very aware of my choices and why. I also take full responsibility even when I don’t want to. This was another wake up slap cause I’d been slipping. I see it now. Damn.

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