No matter how beautiful, giving, curvaceous, affectionate, supportive, self-sufficient & educated a woman is, an insecure guy will break her. Oh, he will act interested in the beginning & build her up, then he’ll snatch the world from under her feet.
This doesn’t just happen. Insecure guys break giving women on purpose.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
Growing up, I’d overhear the OGs in our crime-riddled hood teach us, “the best way to get a woman to like only you is to treat a giving woman like trash and treat a hoe like a queen.”
They theorized, breaking a giving woman robs her of her confidence, decreasing her down to a level you can control her emotionally, making her disloyal to her only life saver, her intuition.
In contrast, they felt encouraging a hoe (what they considered a fast, standard-lacking woman who’d do anything to obtain what she desired) increases her to such a degree, she will clingily acquiesce herself to his ego, filling any holes of insecurity he possessed.
I never used this theory, because it is the most idiotic thing I ever heard growing up, and yet, it works every time for one key reason.
A man who breaks a giver to chase a hoe, does so, because he is both broken & a hoe himself. To exchange a giver’s genuine nature for your brokenness is emotional whoredom.
Men hurt women who give their all, because he’s trying to save her from himself.
Imagine trying to save someone who loves you from a fire, but they won’t escape. You say go, they stay. You say leave, they remain. The flames are growing so rapidly. You’d push them, pull them & say any hurtful thing to get them to leave, wouldn’t you?
Well, this is why men hurt women who give them their all. He wants to save you from the fire of guilt & flames of insecurity he feels burning inside himself.
Insecurity is self-doubt, unsure of one’s self, lack of confidence
An insecure man in bed with both you & his self-doubt is an emotional-hoe.
Stop dating out of your league. If they’re not on your mental level, they will cheat to break you down to theirs.
A confident man is loyal. He knows karma humbles a player. Insecure men cheat b/c their mind lacks cognitive masculinity to innerstand karma.
I learned a woman who gives you her all, before you give her commitment, rocks with you without a title, before you cut off communicating with all your EXs & side chicks, gives only you her loyalty, before you prove with consistent & faithful actions you deserve it, a woman who gives you her all & expects nothing in return does not love you enough nor respect you enough as a man to inspire you to give your all. She’s an enabler.
If you give me your support, expect me to do something ambitious with it.
If you give me your time, expect me to value it by giving you effort.
IF you give me your loyalty, expect me to give only you my commitment.
Otherwise, if you give a man your intimate all & he is in no way required to give you his, you are his emotional-hoe.
It takes a strong, humble woman to admit she made a mistake being more loyal to a man and his red flags than she was to her own intuition.
A stunningly gorgeous single mother from Texas shared her story with me after reading my book, Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women.
“I just want to thank you so much for sharing all of your wise words, views and perspectives. You are my hero Ebrahim! You opened my eyes and saved my life!!! I was so lost, broken and confused. I was in a 4 year relationship with a male not a man who yes was cheating on me over and over.
Endless mind games, beyond comprehension. I am a 33-year-old Civil Engineer, independent single mom, have my own nice house, car, etc, and if I do say so myself I am the true definition of a good loyal woman as you describe. I put my all, my everything into this relationship. I had never put up with such disrespect from a man. One evening I stumbled upon your writing and read for hours. After the umpteenth time of discovering his infidelity with the same woman at work.
I literally quoted your words verbatim to him about “Why would I give my time to a man who refuses to give me his consistency…” and I left him alone. Just walked away. I didn’t freak out, pass go/collect $200, nothing, just left with my head high. I realized the reality of things. For once I wasn’t there trying to show him how much I loved him through forgiveness or how much better a woman I was or all that malarkey he had me doing for so long.
He was left alone all by himself with the girl he kept running to cheat with the whole time. It was then he realized how miserable he was. He realized how he and that girl had nothing in common. That she or no one else could ever come close to filling this amazingly huge space I had created in his heart and life. That he really had never hung out with her and knew nothing about her, and when he finally spent time with her, he really liked nothing about her.
He missed everything we had, everything I had been giving him for so long that he had been taking for granted. He missed everything he thought was so annoying about me. My goofy laugh, my country-southern pronunciation of words, my weird eating habits, my corny jokes, even my unique cooking (im half German/half Mexican) etc. He came back, like they always do, asking me if I had put a spell on him, because he’d never felt this way before.
He even asked me to marry him. I told him no, I was just a good loyal woman and although I may love him to death, I chose my self-respect over his inconsistency. I know my worth and know when to walk away from someone when they go some much out of their way to show me how much they don’t love me.
After that. it’s like your words became tattooed in his mind and heart and he has not stop going out of his way to show me how much he loves me. Its amazing. Incredible. Thanks again Ebrahim. We’ve never even met and you’ve touched my soul.”
My response to this woman, and any woman who gets broken by a man is this:
He didn’t break you. You held on too long. Be more loyal to your intuition than an inconsistent man.
You’ll find your husband once you stop looking and start being married to your ambitions. Mentally mature men aren’t looking for women disloyal to their dreams. They aren’t looking for a hoe, or a bae who will accept commitment-less situationships.
Wife sounds better than ‘bae’ to me. I refuse to downplay my marriage goals, because society deems it soft for a man to want monogamy with one woman instead of multiple bad bitches. If you find a giver, don’t use her, giver to her. Never walk away from a woman who stood by waiting for you. Never gave up on you. Don’t contribute to her anxiety. Be her calm. Fight for her.
I want a giver. Someone I can give my all to. Even when you’re irritated with the world. Even when you feel misunderstood. I will give you your space, but never leave you alone. Sit you on my lap & let you pour your venting words all over my ears. I will help you fight your demons. I will never judge your fears. I don’t have to save the day. I don’t need to fix you. I respect the enigma you are. Pour your words on me. I won’t interrupt their flow.
I want to pour my giving into you. Even when you get on my last nerves, I will never break you with my words. I want your corny jokes, your weird Bates Motel references & Pretty Little Liars quotes, which are weird to me, because I don’t watch those shows. I want to be your calm. The reason you smile, stupidly out of nowhere in front of your friends, because you just day-dreamed something I told you the other night.
I want to give you my fantasizes of cuddling you and the baby you give me, in my strong arms. Inhaling your scent. Blowing in our baby’s cute little neck, that has yet to unravel. I want to take away that tense feeling you feel in your stomach, right now, because you’re unsure if after all you’ve given, if one drop will be given back to you. It will. I will shower you with appreciation & acknowledgment, until you drown in my affectionate manliness.
I just want a loyal, affectionate, old soul, who supports my ambitions, calls my fears & who’s picture isn’t in everybody’d damn phone.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
Motivational #SpeakLife vidoes: Youtube.com/RealNewsmagazine