Why the hell am I still DATING BLACK WOMEN?
By: Ebrahim Aseem
A tall, Blonde, hazel eyed Aryan Beauty walked into my Black-owned, professionally-hood barber shop today, greeted by a cascade of compliments, as each patron’s brown eyes followed her from the very moment she got out of her car.
She had successfully made it pass the dozen Brown Skinned Beauties standing outside of the barbershop, staring daggers at her.
There are always at least a dozen Black Women standing outside my barbershop, dressed in club attire, hair freshly done, make-up on point, high heel game vicious, wearing their best body suit or mini skirt.
These Women have careers, own businesses and are in grad school, pre law, & pre med; yet they commute at least once a week to stand in front of a barbershop, like it is a night club line. Usually, for at most an hour, until a man notices them enough to approach her and ask her for her number on his way in, or out of the barber shop.
But when they saw this Stacy Keibler looking young woman stroll onto their territory, tossing her hair as she walked,they automatically assumed she was entering the nail shop right next door, which is why they allowed her to pass them.
After she walked into the barbershop, however, needless to say, they were noticeably disgruntled. Before she walked in, out of the periphery of my eye, I saw a group of Black Men, previously all having separate conversations,simultaneously migrate from their chairs, and stampede towards the huge store front window, like a heard of antelope about to hurdle over Mufasa’s dead corpse.
“It’s snowing out here!” – one man yelled with a smirk, obviously referring to the fact, the young woman was “White.”
“Ooooo the cutie got a little booty too,” another man generously exaggerated, scrunching up his eyes, mouth and face as he uttered the words “cutie, booty and ooooo” respectively.
“You know that’s Gus’ old lady don’t cha?”- a barber warned, with a mischievous smirk.
Gus is one of my acquaintances. The word “friend” or “homie” wouldn’t be appropriate for me to use, as it implies Gus and I being like- minded. Despite this mutually know nuance, Gus greeted me with the “homie hug” as he dapped up and showed love to every man in the shop, including me.
“Ebrahim Aseem, what up young sir?” he asked, greeting me.
He did this, not just as a greeting, rather, he wanted to flaunt something to us. He was showing off his trophy that was
holding onto his left hand with her right; his newly wed wife.
I knew his wife before she even became his fiance. I went on a double-date with her, Gus and a brown -skinned Eritrean beauty last summer, when the weather was warmer, and the “snow” wasn’t exclusively occupying the forecast of Gus’ heart.
She smiled at every man in the shop, while accompanying Gus on his homie-hug rodeo. But when she saw me, she said,
“A-braham! Omg how is your little
cheesecake catering business going? My mother loved those Oreo Cheesecakes I ordered from you,” and gave me a hug, as I sat in the barber chair.
The stain of envy painted on the faces of every man in the shop, except Gus, resembled the color of the type of smoothie morbidly obese men drink, as they prepare for their “summer body”- green. Their faces were green with envy, because this Caucasian goddess was giving me attention.
In the black male community, there is a mental pedestal on which many men place white women, as they view them considerably more desirable than women of their own race. #EbrahimAseem Gus, was not an exception to this rule, which is why he was parading his newly wed wife in a Black barber shop, in front of a group of thirsty wolves. Unbeknownst to me, this would be a forum for one of the most racially confrontational debates I have ever taken part of.
“Business is going well,” I responded in a voice much deeper than her seemingly squealing-tone.
“I see you’re not wearing a wedding band Mr. Aseem,”
Gus’ wife continued, visibly taken aback, “why the hell are you still dating black women? I know a couple of my girls from the East who would love to marry a great guy like you.”
You would expect the crowd of men to fall silent at the echoing of such a racially loaded question right? Well, if this is your expectation, you’re underestimating the degree to which many black men worship the ground white women walk on. #EbrahimAseem
Those idiots smiled and chuckled, practically giving her a pass for such a statement. I, on the other hand, wasn’t as forgiving.
“Why the hell am I still dating black women?” I quoted, mocking her ignorance with my tone. “Because none of them would ever disrespect my race the way you just did.”
“She’s just keeping it real,” Gus smirked, so smugly, that I almost felt more disgusted with him than her.
“No disrespect A-braham,” she explained, piggy-backing off of her husband. “But black women do indeed disrespect your race all the time. Twerking? Please, and not to mention their constant sista-girl attitude. I swear, you would think they’re on their periods non-stop.”
Suddenly, I smiled, because I realized what was transpiring right before my brown eyes. This seemingly bold woman was not disrespecting black women with her own words. She was being loyal to her man’s words, albeit offensive, to his own race.
I had heard that “non-stop period” remark repeatedly from Gus, when he would complain about his child’s mother,how she was so immature, so angry, so bipolar, and yet, he was the one who made the choice to sleep with her immature, angry, bipolar
ass in the first place. #EbrahimAseem
Many black men talk down about women of their own race to their girlfriends of other races, in a twisted effort to build those women up. #EbrahimAseem And “talk down about” is putting it mildly. They will tell their girlfriends:
“black women never want to do fun things, like snorkeling with the dolphins and white-water rafting, because they’re too concerned with getting their nappy hair wet.”
“Black women always have something smart-ass to say, even when they’re wrong, because their insecurities make them feel they always have to defensively get the last word.”
“Black women are completely fake; hair, make-up, nails, ass, and even when she’s being nice, she is only doing that to hide her anger. Everything is an act with them.”
“Black women treat their man like she’s his mama. They baby you, constantly correct you, then have the condescending nerve to ask why you’re aren’t acting like a man.”
“Black women want to be the man, and wear the pants in the relationship.”
“Black women are extremely undomesticated. They can’t cook, clean, wash clothes, and have no intention to make a house or cater to a man.”
“Black women always want to hit you with that “sista” attitude whenever you say something she disagrees with. Yet, when she’s wrong about something, she’s as quiet as a mouse, never willing to openly admit when she’s wrong.”
“Black women are always mugging and frowning for no reason. They rarely, if ever, smile and she only smiles when she’s really mad or upset about something, which is psycho. You know she’s mad about something when she’s smiling or laughing, with her evil ass.”
Black men tell their: white girlfriend, latin girlfriend, Filipino girlfriend, Indian girlfriend, Samoan girlfriend, and any woman other than a black women these stereotypical insults of black women as a form of inception, in hopes to pump their heads up with a false sense of superiority. #EbrahimAseem
This self- racist form of incept-psychology does not work on strong -minded women, no matter her race. Yet, it will work perfectly on any woman whose insecurity level is low enough that she would allow a man to slander any woman in front of her, regardless of that woman’s race. #EbrahimAseem With this in mind, I directed my retort of his
wife’s ignorant assertion to Gus and her, simultaneously.”
“Do you ever question how Gus can talk down so much about women of his own race, when his own mother is a black woman?,” I asked her, rhetorically. “How can you as a woman acquiesce to your husband’s slandering of other women, no matter their race? How can you “talkshit” about black women and call yourself a real father bruh, when you have children by black women. Your own daughter is a black woman.” #EbrahimAseem
They interrupted me while I was speaking, but I kept talking over their rebuttals.
“I love Black culture Mr. Aseem,” she defended, “I plan on giving birth to mixed- black babies with him. My husband is a strong, black man. I love everything about his culture.” I retorted.
“Just because you choose to only date Black men, does not mean you love Black culture. No. You just love Blackdick. Be honest with yourself.” #EbrahimAseem
“I don’t have to apologize for loving Black men,” she defended, carefully transposing the word I used for “men” to hide what was her true love.“ You just love who you love, race doesn’t matter.”
“If that’s true,” I responded calmly, “and race indeed doesn’t matter, why then do you question my reasons for choosing to still date black women?”
“Because you’re limiting yourself, A-braham,” she replied, mispronouncing my name for the umpteenth time.
“There is so much more out there than what you’re subjecting yourself to. I have a White girlfriend who would be perfect for you. She’s more on your mental level, but I mean, if you choose to keep entertaining ghetto, ratchet, loud, mean, homely-looking, weave-wearing, rude,
classless women with an attitude, you will be waiting a long time
to be a husband. Statistics show black women are the lowest percentage of women who marry. I just don’t want you to
run an unwinnable race.”
“Please stop calling me “A-braham, it’s E-bruh-heem,” I corrected, in the most polite way I could.
“The type of classless women you just described come in ALL races. Being uncouth is not exclusive to black women; neither are weaves. #EbrahimAseem In fact, the usage of weaves and extensions in this country has always been dominated by Caucasian women. #EbrahimAseem It’s not a bad thing if white women, or green women for that matter, choose to wear added hair, that’s their choice; but please understand, not all black women are the same. Even with that said, the classless black woman you just described is far few in between. #EbrahimAseem
Don’t let reality TV fool you, nor dictate to you the cultural behaviors of a whole race of people, based purely off of staged television shows.” #EbrahimAseem
“I’m not basing it off TV,” she defended. “The pack of hood rats huddled up outside is proof I’m not being racist. Gus told me they come here every day, fishing for a man like you. You and I both know, there’s a reason none of those ratchets have yet to catch your eye.
It’s because you, like many Black men, are too strong, intelligent and successful to ever give any of those girls the time of day. They claim they want a good man, yet have they ever had one? Do they know how to attract and keep one? No, because judging by their immature mentality and poor actions, they don’t deserve a strong, black husband like mine.”
My mother is a black woman, you know,” I replied. “She raised me in Fillmore, San Francisco, California, just blocks away from here. Are you saying, because my mother grew up in a black neighborhood, she doesn’t deserve a strong black husband?”
“Of course not,” she answered, extremely apologetically. “I can tell your mother is an amazing black woman, she raised and sculpted a king of a black man; but it is her who deserves a good-black man, not a ghetto, uneducated, young woman, with no class, with no career,no degree, and nothing to show for herself.
Look, I’m very sorry if you felt I indirectly disrespected your mother in any way. I would never disrespect anyone’s mother, especially a good black mother, because I know how hard it is for them to raise a bunch of kids by themselves.”
“You know, those girls out there are somebody’s mother,” I enlightened her. “Every black woman you see is somebody’s sister, somebody’s daughter, and somebody’s mother, and they all deserve respect.” #EbrahimAseem
“I understand that, I’m so sorry if I offended you,”she apologized. “But I deserve respect as well. Why don’t I deserve a strong black man?”
“I never said you didn’t,” I corrected.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she continued. “I just assumed you were saying you had a problem with my dating your friend,because he’s a black man and I am a White woman.”
“Well you assumed wrong,” I corrected. “I have Caucasian ancestors somewhere in my ancestry as the great-grandson of slaves, so for me to feel that way would be ignorant and hypocritical; but for me to stop dating black women, as you suggested, would not only be ignorant, it would be a slap in the face to my own mother, who is a black woman.” #EbrahimAseem
“I wouldn’t go as far as to say that,” she replied.“Gus’ mother loves me and she knows her son will choose a woman who is not afraid to treat her son like a man, and respect him like one. That’s what you deserve.
You don’t deserve to be with a woman who isn’t willing to change for you, and be submissive for you sometimes.You have to ask yourself, is that what you are willing to settle for just because you want to marry a woman the same race as your mother.”
“Is that why you think Gus married you?” I asked her with a slight smile.
“I understand, this man loves you but you have to ask yourself why so many of the black men you’ve dated felt the need to base their love for you solely on slandering black women as a whole? #EbrahimAseem Why is the best compliment a black man can give you is, “you treat me like a man, while these smart mouthed sistas always want to control me and act like they’re my mother?” That itself is no compliment. #EbrahimAseem
It is a compliment by default. Notice everything these black men who say they “don’t date black women” love about white women is an inverted contrast to a characteristic they as men feel women of their own race either lack, or display poorly.” #EbrahimAseem
“So you’re saying I only love my woman, because her character and personality is the opposite of many Black Women?” Gus asked with a smirk, breaking his silence.
“No, that’s what you’re saying every time you, the father of a black girl, say that you don’t date black women,”I answered. “What I am saying is this:
for a black man to love a white woman is a beautiful thing.; but for any man to say he doesn’t date any woman of his own race, the same race as his mother, is ignorant. #EbrahimAseem Love has no color. How then can you say you choose not to love a woman just because of her color? Not only is that ignorant, that is a half -truth. #EbrahimAseem
The truth is any Man who says they cannot date any woman of their own race, because of her race, is really admitting he is a coward.” #EbrahimAseem
“Oooooo,” many men in the shop responded.
“So you’re calling my man a coward?” she snapped in shock.
“Absolutely,” I responded in my normal deep tone of voice. “In your own bible,
It says Jesus said, ‘a man will be easier received and welcomed in a forgiven land than in his own. The excellency of wisdom in this scripture highlights the ease one acclimated into a foreign environment, or culture compared to their own. #EbrahimAseem
As strict as a child’s family is, whether that child be White, Black, Dominican, Indian, Greek, or otherwise, that child knows a family outside of their culture will always treat them with and receive them with more ease, in regard to confronting their shortcomings or disciplining their misbehavior.
Simply put, men who say they “don’t date women of their own race” say that, because they are too cowardly and weak-minded to be in a relationship with a strong woman of their own race, #EbrahimAseem who will tell him when he is wrong, call him on his “B.S.” and correct him.
I live in an upscale apartment building in downtown San Francisco, right by the Bay Bridge, and nearly all of the white men who live in my building are married to Asian women. Nearly all the Asian men who live in my building are dating Indian women. I’m happy they found love. Love has no race.
Yet, if these men choose to be with these women solely because of the color of their skin, and purely because they don’t date women of their own race, they are not only cowards, but are falsifying their love for the women they are with.
Love has no race. Spirits have no race. We are all spirits, wrapped in the human form, like a gift wrapped inside a box. Who cares what color the box is? It’s the treasure inside that is to be valued, not its container. #EbrahimAseem Black women are beauifull. White women are beautiful. All women are beautiful.
I have never seen a heart love more or love less, based on the skin color of the person the heart resides in. #EbrahimAseem
People who only date “light-skinned people” or only date “dark-skinned people” are ignorant.
Light-skinned does not mean prettier. Dark- skinned does not mean ugly. Light-skinned does not mean one is stuck-up or SOFT. Dark-skinned does not mean one is humble or HARD. #EbrahimAseem
White does not mean she’s sleazy or submissive. Black does not mean she’s ghetto or uneducated. #EbrahimAseem
Latin doesn’t mean she has an attitude or is crazy. Asian doesn’t mean she’s timid and weak-minded. #EbrahimAseem
Filipino doesn’t mean she’s irrational or homicidal.Pretty doesn’t mean she’s bipolar or cocky. #EbrahimAseem
When we limit ourselves or judge people based off race or the color of their skin, we allow ourselves to miss out on the most compatible person for us. #EbrahimAseem
I learned as a man, we have to stop trying to CONTROL a strong-minded women. #EbrahimAseem In that same regard, we have to STOP placing labels on women, as “submissive” or “non-submissive”.
A weak woman and a submissive woman are not the same. Strong women are constantly misunderstood
as “crazy” or “annoying” by weak males who aren’t men enough to handle her. #EbrahimAseem She’s not “crazy” she’s passionate. She’s not “bipolar” she just treats people differently, based off how THEY treat HER. She’s not “talking back” she just speaks her mind, despite what anyone feels or thinks about it. #EbrahimAseem A strong-minded woman will NEVER be submissive to a weak man. If she sees he cannot assume the Alpha role, she will walk all over him.
A strong-minded woman will happily submit herself mentally to a strong man who mentally DEMANDS her respect with his mentality, who can respect her enough NOT to try to change her, and can assume the ALPHA role.
The reason many men don’t wife or cuff strong- minded women, or say they don’t date women of their own race is because, he subconsciously feels inferior to her intelligence. #EbrahimAseem
“SHUT UP” is a term weak men with limited vocabulary use to silence a woman who speaks her mind. #EbrahimAseem We have to Man up our mentality. If she talks too much, It’s because we as men are not doing enough.
Taking control of a woman’s MIND with our conversation will render her SPEECHLESS. #EbrahimAseem The reason strong- minded women
have a smart mouth & talk back is not because she’s “masculine.” NO. She knows she can play a man’s Alpha role better than him with her intelligence. #EbrahimAseem Can we as men STOP trying to CONTROL a strong woman?
Some men say, “but I need a woman to listen to me, not correct Me! treat me like a MAN dammit! First of all, how much a woman listens to us is NOT a reflection of how much of a man we are. If a man feels that, he obviously has very low self-esteem. #EbrahimAseem
Second, by a man choosing ONLY weak, submissive women who he KNOWS will never challenge anything he says, shows he is SCARED of a woman’s strength.
If the only way a man is attracted or aroused by the company of a woman is if she bows down to him, it is scary, and the early stages of him being on the down low. Oh, trust me.
You get off on power struggle huh? You like a woman to treat you like you’re her daddy huh? Yeah, that’s a weak man. A real STRONG man can humble himself to listen to his woman.
A KING has no intention of trying to Change or CONTROL a queen. He WANTS his woman to be just as strong and outspoken as Him, with her own mind, because he knows, his woman’s strength is a reflection of his. #EbrahimAseem Iron sharpens iron.
As men, we have to allow our strong woman to be the iron that sharpens our iron, as we sharpen hers. As men, we must STOP choosing to cuff these weak women.
A weak female can never compare to a Strong -minded woman. A strong woman knows how to submit herself mentally. She’s just waiting for a strong man to prove himself worthy who can assume control as the alpha. A weak man knows he isn’t strong enough mentally to play the ALPHA male role, s o he cuffs a weak woman so he will be the alpha by default. #EbrahimAseem
All men are not dogs. All men are not incapable of being monogamous. All men are not incapable of engaging in deep thought.
The reason strong women constantly get their heart-broken by lying, cheating men is because, those women are subconsciously attracted to something about that weak man who lies and “fronts,” pretending to be sweet and caring, and strong, when those men are really weak. #EbrahimAseem
A strong woman must protect herself from heartbreak by never allowing a weak lying man to have her heart, just because he throws down in bed, ,or makes her feel beautiful, or because she is physically attracted to him. Strong women innately have a women’s intuition. #EbrahimAseem
Self loving women can tell when they first meet a man if he is full of B.S., lying or playing a role. #EbrahimAseem Some women simply choose to turn off her blinders just because she is feeling him and ‘catching feelings.’
A strong woman never has to dumb down her strength to attract a man. Her mental strength is like a magnet. #EbrahimAseem It will repel weak -metal minded men, and attract a strong ROCK of a man.
I refuse to stop dating black women, because if I do, I’d be telling my mother she’s not worthy of being chosen by the type of strong man she raised. #EbrahimAseem
I would be telling my future daughter she’s not worth enduring challenges that a man may face in building a relationship with her as a Black woman. #EbrahimAseem
I would be disrespecting the Holy Spirit, who chose women to give life and who chose life to originate on African soil.
Every human originated from the womb of an African woman, and for me to choose not to date any woman, because of her skin color, would be disrespect to the ONE who created me. #EbrahimAseem
Besides, I’m not afraid of a strong -minded woman.I prefer a woman with a smart mouth and a little attitude.”
I filled my cheeks up with air,
so my barber could finish shaving my beard.
Once he finished lining me up,
I grabbed my phone, navigated to my ‘Notes’ app, and began
typing up as much of the conversation as I could remember.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat On Loyal Women”
Edited by: Abigail Quaye
I am a chef & motivational speaker. I write new articles every thursday & speak life into groups of 100s of men at universities & corporations worldwide.
Want a free copy of my book? click “Follow” => https://www.facebook.com/AEAseem click “get notifications”, or “see first” then message me so I can message you a free copy.
Want to hear me sing? Click bellow.