The reason MOTHERS secretly HATE their Daughters

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Genuine women get screwed over by everyone; friends, family, parents, yes even blood. Their nice energy & positive vibe gets crushed by negative assholes, because miserable souls HATE seeing genuine spirit happy. #EbrahimAseem They want you just as miserable as they are. That’s why they speak doubt into all your ambitious dreams.

This constant labeling & judgement of genuine women, is done to break the spirit of her femininity; so she will buy into the lie that she is crazy , cognitively unaware, weak & “over-emotional”, inferior to men. #EbrahimAseem This is done by jealous users who lack the selflessness to reciprocate those nice, positive vibes back to her.

Not everyone DESERVES the NICE side of you. Make them EARN it by reciprocating all you give. Until then, ignore them. Negative people treat you bad simply to stay on your mind. Don’t waste a second reflecting on nor responding to what others think of your life. Stop giving them power over you. #EbrahimAseem Keep a healthy distance. Stay close enough to feed them care, yet far enough so they can’t bite your hand. Some friends and family are secretly jealous of your happiness. So let them be haunted by your absence.

By: Ebrahim Aseem Follow @fuel4thebody

IG: @Fuel4TheBODY
Twitter: @EbrahimAseem
Facebook.com/AEAseem

Not every female who has a child is a mother. Females who aren’t naturally loving, affectionate and nurturing birth daughters more mature, loving & nurturing than their own mother. #EbrahimAseem

As a man, we must realize that woman slow to trust us, was raised by a non-nurturing “mother”. Every mistake she’s made, all her life, her mother ridicules her for it, saying:

“What are you going to do with your life?”
“Why are you so lazy?”
“Why are you getting so fat, don’t you exercise?”
“Why are you so skinny, aren’t you eating?
“Why do you dress like that?”
“Why are you so immature?”
“Why aren’t you married yet?”
“Why don’t you just become a lawyer or a doctor & give up on your silly dreams?”
“Why don’t you come to church more?”
“Why did you post that on Facebook?”

Yet secretly, many mothers are jealous of their daughter’s beauty and confidence, envy her youth and more than anything; they can tell their daughter is more mentally mature, nurturing, affectionate, kind, friendly and even more motherly than they are. This is because they don’t envy the material things their daughter possesses, they envy what they can never have, her genuine spirit. #EbrahimAseem

Mothers, do your best to support your daughters’ career choices. Don’t put down you daughter; constantly telling her she’s wrong about every decision she makes. ENCOURAGE your daughter; be vulnerable for your daughter. Admit when you are wrong to your daughter. #EbrahimAseem Admit to her if you raised her to be guarded, not knowing how to accept love & providing from a man. Be apologetic towards your daughter, so she can have closure from her past.

Some of the pain you mothers have put your daughters through growing up is currently holding her back, effecting her ability to trust, love and let someone who really cares about her into her heart, past her wall that you made her build up. #EbrahimAseem

Don’t let pride stand in the way of the love, affection & acknowledgement you need to give your daughter; she DESERVES that love. #EbrahimAseem

Don’t hold a daughter’s love of her mother hostage from her. Don’t hold the approval of decisions she makes from her like it’s ransom, only willing to release it when something tragic happens to you or her. #EbrahimAseem

You chose to have her. She did not choose to be born to you. Give your daughters love & attention, show them affection, so they don’t grow up with insecurities; seeking affection and love from every man they meet. #EbrahimAseem

Many women have such rocky relationships with their mother, because their mother treated them like garbage, like life was an episode of family guy, and she is the Meg of the family. Seeing their mother constantly put men over them growing up, makes women lose respect for their mother. #EbrahimAseem

“When I was eleven, my mother’s boyfriend raped me everyday for 11 months,” this beautiful Cape Verdean girl confessed to the room full of women and me at a wayward house where I did a motivational speak, “and my mother knew about it. She even knew I knew that she knew, and she still stayed in a relationship with the man who raped me the whole time. She slept in the same bed with him and continued to have sex with the man who slept with both her and her daughter. Then after they broke up when I was 14, she kicked me out of the house and blamed me for the breakup; when I was the one who would take care of her like she was my daughter. I was the one who would pick her up in the middle of the night, after she came into the house passed out drunk, carry my mother’s unconscious body into the bathtub and clean the vomit and alcohol off her hair and body. I was the one who fed my mother when she was too lazy to cook for me, but was willing to cook for the man who raped her own daughter; and she just threw me out like yesterday’s trash.”

“I feel like the reason some mothers secretly hate their daughters is, because she went through the same shit growing up and she’s too much of a coward to make a change & stop the cycle from continuing,” one of the peer mentors replied in response to the Cape Verdean girl’s testimony.

“I want you to know that was evil,” I told the Cape Verdean girl. “For your mother to sleep with a man who raped you every night was evil. Not all mothers hate their daughters and your mother does not hate you. Real mothers love their daughters more than they love themselves.

How your mother treats you is not a reflection of your worth, nor is it a reflection of her lack of love for you. How your mother treats you is a projection of her lack of love for self & lack off affection your grandmother gave her growing up. #EbrahimAseem

Every time she looks deep in your eyes and yells at you, she’s not speaking to you; she’s speaking to herself; the projection of herself she sees inside you. When she says “I wish you were never born!” She’s looking at you, but talking to herself. #EbrahimAseem She wishes she was never born, because she can see that she birthed a genuine, giving daughter whose love and trust she feels she doesn’t even deserve.

I also want you to know she is not your mother; you are her mother. The concept of time does not exist in the universe. 2 Peter 3:8 tells us a millennium is like a day to The Holy Spirit, proving the concept of time exists solely in this earthly dimension our souls are currently trapped in. #EbrahimAseem This is how a spirit is able to come into this world and be born before it’s mother, like your mother was born before you.

Having a child is not what makes a female a mother, just like helping bring a child into this world does not make a male a father. It is the selfless love that a parent gives us, loving us more than they love themselves and more than they love life is what makes one a mother or a father. #EbrahimAseem

You are not your human form. That is the clothes your spirit wears while you temporarily visit this vaykay spot called “earth”. You are the spirit that lives inside your human form, thus; your biological ‘human’ mother is not the mother of your spirit. Mathews 12:48 says, ‘who is my mother?’ 50 says, ‘whoever does the will of The Holy Spirit in heaven is my mother.’

You are your mother’s mother, the selfless love you showed her all your life is proof of that. Just as many young women are more of a mother to their own mother than their mother is to them; your spirit is the mother of your body and soul. #EbrahimAseem

This is why it is so important for you to never allow fake family to discourage you, make you doubt yourself, make you hate life and question your own existence. Guard your heart with your spirit and allow your mother spirit to protect your heart, mind and soul like a mother protects her daughters. #EbrahimAseem

You are not a human-being, you are a spirit being a human, for a short time. During your spirit’s vacation on earth do not allow the daughter, which is your human body, emotions & insecurity, to control your thoughts inside the mind of the spirit you are. #EbrahimAseem

Don’t just perfect your daughter-body; making sure it looks pretty, beautiful & flawless; brows on fleek & makeup beat. Also remember to perfect the mother-spirit you are. It is the energy who gives you your true beauty. #EbrahimAseem All of you genuine women are breathtakingly beautiful, and yet it is not your pretty face that makes you beautiful. It is not your curvy body or your gorgeous hair that makes you beautiful.

Your human form is a glass; I can see through your glass beauty daughter-body into the liquid beauty of your mother-spirit. Your beauty is a shine that is seen on your face as a pretty look, yet it comes from the glow of your inner beauty. #EbrahimAseem

If you don’t like your waist size, your tummy size, your hips, your butt, your breasts, your hair, your complexion, your height, I want you to remember that is NOT you. That is the gift box. #EbrahimAseem You are the diamond spirit inside of that box and yes, you want that to look as amazing as possible. Yet, there is a reason some women who you may consider ugly have more confidence than you. Her love for her spirit causes her inner beauty to shine brighter than your level of confidence.

The key to being confident in self is to look at yourself as a flawless spirit. Your spirit is on point; your spirit is fierce and once you know, that self-love will shine beautifully out into the clothes that is your human form. A Confident Woman doesn’t need to rely on compliments or thirst, nor live off attention from random guys on social networks or via Instagram likes to validate her beauty; she knows she’s beautiful before anyone else. Looking inside her self, she sees the smooth inner beauty she exudes, clearer than a mirror. #EbrahimAseem

All that I understand about a woman, I cannot take credit for. I was blessed with an amazing mother who taught me the importance of listening to a woman by first listening to her. I learned as men, all we have to do is listen to a Woman’s silence. Even when she is quiet, her thoughts are LOUD as hell. The echos of her silence speaks to the pain she’s experienced; lies she’s been told, hurt she’s endured. Mentally mature women are in DEEP thought all day, with no one to vent her painful thoughts to. Listen. #EbrahimAseem

As men, we have to earn her trust, make her feel comfortable enough to open up to us, so we can be the one she can vent to. We have to listen to the echos of her silence, observe her thoughts; absorb her pain and use our positive vibe to take her pain away. #EbrahimAseem

I know sometimes you may doubt yourself. I know you get so frustrated that you aren’t where you want to be in life yet with your career and your living situation. I know you may feel you have low self-esteem at times. More than anything, I know you are tired of not having the commitment from the mentally mature man you know you deserve in your life. I know you’re tired of all these lame males who attempt to get your attention, by using their money or nice car to get your attention, but I want you to remember something. Low self-esteem is lower than you can even imagine. #EbrahimAseem

You may think when you doubt yourself & question your ability to have the things you want that you are flirting with having low self-esteem, but you’re not. That’s just the negative energy that exists in this world, commonly referred to as ‘the devil’ attempting to make you doubt yourself; attempting to make your self, your dreams and your purpose; the very purpose you were put on earth for. #EbrahimAseem Low self-esteem is lower than doubt; it is hate. When a person can hate so much, they will try to insult your intelligence by dangling the fact they possess a nice car or poses a substantial amount of money at you, that is low self-esteem. It is, because they are trivializing them self and minimizing their life’s existence into that of a Material possession.

Hate comes into play, because it is not others who they hate, nor is it the ‘haters’ who they pretend to have to boost their ego that they hate. No, they hate themselves, they hate their life, so they view you as another possession in it; a thing. You’re not a woman to them; you’re a thing. That’s why they call you a ‘bad bitch’, because you’re a THING to them. #EbrahimAseem

Referring to you as a beautiful woman, or your by your birth name would be too human or un-thing-like for them to do. They don’t see YOU; the person. They see your boobs, curvy cakes, long hair; all things. They use the mantra, ‘it takes money to make money’ as a creed to pursue their hopes of POSSESSING you, as they view you as a possession, as a thing; just like money. #EbrahimAseem

How ironic is it then, these low self-esteem having males are morally bankrupt; too blind to see
they could never attract an intelligent strong-minded queen of substance like you with a mere possession. The high self-worth you posses and the self value you are worth can never be bought by amount of money.” #EbrahimAseem

I can respect a good mother who loves her child enough to never allow pride, a man or any for of negativity to get in the way for her love of her children. Mothers are not only the backbone of this world, they are the creators of life, and if it wasn’t for a woman, no man or woman would be alive. #EbrahimAseem

Humility is a sign of maturity; stubbornness is a sign of immaturity.

A confident person can apologize, but a prideful, insecure fool would rather stubbornly go down with the ship of lies, than grab the lifesaver of humility by admitting when they are wrong to save a relationship. #EbrahimAseem

Would it kill you to admit when you are wrong to your child? Why do you always have to be right? How can you be the head of a family, yet you can’t listen to anyone IN your family? How can you be a parent, aunt, uncle or boss; yet mentally, you behave like a little child? #EbrahimAseem

If you blame your child for the way your relationship with them is; you are extremely immature. Being a parent means you are held more responsible than your child. #EbrahimAseem It’s up to YOU to be more mature and let go of your pride and ego to salvage the relationship. #EbrahimAseem

Be humble; if you are a grown ass parent and you hurt your child in any way, don’t wait until they are grown with children to try to apologize for lack of love you shown them growing up. By then it can be too late, because they had to suffer with that pain all their life. If you are a grown man or woman, don’t wait until someone is ready to leave you to apologize for how badly you’ve treated them the whole relationship. Be honest, humble and apologetic RIGHT NOW. #EbrahimAseem It is better to be loyal to the one you love and lose your pride, then to be loyal to your pride and lose the one you love.

If you’ve been hurt by your mother, it’s not your fault. You have to let go of fighting for her approval & love yourself fully, let go of all self doubt & your will be able to let people in to love you as much as you love yourself. #EbrahimAseem

By: Ebrahim Aseem

IG: @Fuel4TheBODY
Twitter: @EbrahimAseem

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I am an author, and I do Public Speaking events in the San Francsico Bay Area.

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About Ebrahim Aseem

I am a chef, writer & motivational speaker. I've been a youth mentor for young Black men for 10 years & I'm currently shopping my first book, "Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women"
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38 Responses to The reason MOTHERS secretly HATE their Daughters

  1. Lexx says:

    Good Job! I have a 2 year old daughter and i dont secretly hate her i honestly am secretly scared for her, this world is changing more and more everyday and it is worst than it was when i was younger. Im afraid that she have to endure things that i had to at a faster rate than i will be able to address them, but i will have to let her make heer own mistakes and teach her about life when i feel she is mature enough to understand. Thank u for this post!

  2. lovelyt26 says:

    That was wonderful. It seems as though every blog that I have read goes along with the story that I am working on. You’re a wonderful man. Keep up the great work and continue to speak the truth. GOD bless!!

  3. Jessica Scroggins says:

    I like it good read…get my mind thinking??

  4. Chaniqua Whitlock says:

    Wow!!! This was THE MOST POWERFUL AND HONEST. I too experienced a similar background with my mom and couldn’t understand why I was a target of her rage. God bless you for exposing this STRONGHOLD and may this article reach every mother and daughter for awareness, deliverance, forgiveness, healing, and restoration through Christ LOVE!!

    • CL says:

      I totally agree w/you….I have experienced unexpected, undeserved rage and have never understood it from my mother. She has had a stronghold in my life and manipulates in-order to try and keep it. I have always fallen into the trap of being the bad or ungrateful or hateful daughter during her unwarranted rages. I am not going to blame my addiction problems on my mother but in sobriety I have had to cut myself off from her in-order to inspire or preserve any self-love/nurturing I can. This does not set well w/her, she wallows in self-pity and resentment.
      My sponsor tells me to “be the best daughter I can be”, “do the next right indicated thing”, “keep my side of the street clean”…thank you for your encouragement to live my life according to God’s will….not mine.

  5. SHAY says:

    THANK YOU SO MUCH I NEEDED TO READ THIS

  6. krystle says:

    thanks so much for this..in a world where i feel i have no say in the way my mother feels about me i see that it is real. It may not be as bad as some of the aspects in this but it has affected me in which i tell myself “okay your mother does not love you, grow from this and be a good person” i cry every time i tell myself that. Thank you though, as a final attempt i did forward this to her in the hopes she would care enough to read it.

  7. rukshana says:

    What i think is that some times it seems like your mother hates you but they don’t hate you and deep down they really love you but they just act powerful and angry to show that you shouldn’t do anything bad.

  8. ely says:

    This was a much needed read for me. My father was a great father, but my mother was worse than scum. Unfortunately my father died when I was 10 and left me and my 2 brothers in her care. My eldest brother is a drug addict and convicted felon. My middle brother has gotten 6 or 7 DUI’s and has been in and out of rehab for years, is a heavy drinker/drug user. I myself attempted suicide many times, I ran away and was extremely self destructive. When I was 19 I got the hell out of there. I did try to maintain a relationship out of respect but I still found myself at the center of drama. Her whole world is chaotic. About 3 years ago I decided I can’t maintain a relationship with her. I married a Latino which she was adamantly against. Still every few months or so she will crawl out of her miserable hole and try to suck me into her latest drama, the most recent being yesterday. My life has calmed down considerably since I cut communications with my “family”. The thing was she was never around when I was very small, and was always dumping me on a babysitter. When I started to mature and become more “womenly” suddenly her many scumbag boyfriends started looking in my direction instead of hers. I never understood why all the sudden she one day started to resent me, she hated me and i always thought it was something I had done. But, as the article states, when she was looking in my eyes and belittling me it was really herself she saw. She had 100% no business being a parent! I had never heard it worded that way. Thanks for this article. I pray for her, God blessed me with an amazing husband and even better in-laws. Everything I lost or never had in a mother I gained twenty fold with my Mother in law, she is amazing! For some reason being a survivor of an abusive parent has made me an excellent parent. One of the reasons is because I never want my own children to feel how I did. Somehow it all worked out.

  9. Lauren says:

    Wow its like this article was written for me. My mom always secretly hated me & treated me very diff than my brothers. I always wondered what I did to make her feel that way towards me. Now that I’m 26 years old I live with the pain from growing up like this. My mother still says hurtful things that are just “jokes”

  10. Rose says:

    You did an excellent job writing this. It explains what women like me went through with their mothers growing up. It is quite unfortunate that women receive lack of emotional and physical support from their mothers at a young age. As adults, it does make us stronger women. Great article. I can totally relate!

  11. Eves says:

    The most truthful post. It helps the young girls who suffered bcz of their moms in life. How every min some moms hate their daughters, everything they do, say or svn think is wrong, it spk’s volume about those mothers, May Allah guide em to the right path & give them mercy to use & love their daughters instead of hating & breaking families. Some mom’s just break whole family, however a mother is the root or foundation of a building which is next generation, such hateful moms mess-up the future generations, families & houses. They hate their own families but yet they still would use those daughters for personal gains. V. well said, not every creature who gives birth to a child, is a mother. Some are mothers, for others I blv it is just a result of mating which is sad. Hope all moms learn a lesson & love their own children. children always have 1 mom & 1 dad only so they r mostly more loving towards their parents, however, some mom’s pick & choose some daughters favoritism while hate other daughters just because of them being jelous. I can certainly understand such children, living a painful life with such moms is not less than fighting on borders which is v sad. no comfort love in family:(

  12. Anonymous says:

    Well my mother doesn’t secretly hate me , she shows her HATE, she is best friends with my enemies, and she turns people “family and friends” against me, she ones said I was a drug addict, because I was a letter carrier and was very slim and in shape, and when my brother came out of the closet she said she rather have a death son than a gay son. So YES my mother HATE me and my brother!

  13. Anonymous says:

    THANK YOU FOR THIS.

  14. Kay kay says:

    That you so much for this. I googled why does a mother hate her daughter and you nailed it. Thank your moms for being able to communicate much of the problem. I grew up in a very sick family where my mother treated me like shit my entire childhood. Like I was worthless. But then like I was an object that she and my brother and father could think what ever sick thoughts they wanted to about me. I even believe she probably molested me in my slept. Because I woke up at the age of like 9 and she told me the baby cat was sucking on my Vjj thought I was the mother cat she said. Weird. It stayed with me and never thought much of it until I was older when I started putting all the weird pieces together. My brother even kept making advances at me and my mother would send us on trips I think in hopes something might happen and then when I was like 26 we were on a skiing trip and he said lets go to the cabin and mess around .. Euwww!!!! I told him that would never happen then he decided to tell the whole family and friends what I said. And this kind of sickness followed me my whole life to where now I still have nightmears that my father and brother are chasing me. And I feel my mother was and has always been the ring leader for it because she thought nothing of me. Never wanted me .. Told me she did not want to be pregnant again. Wasn’t aware she was again three months after she had my brother. That I ruind her life and his life because he did not get enough food because she was preg with me …. Then at like 13 she gave me the book flowers in the attick about Insest and the crazy grandmother who locked up the kids. I never got it until later in life. At my brothers wedding my mother told everyone after the ceremony she was happy D and kk finally got married. Euw. What a weirdo!!!! Seriously sick women. And sick husband and sick son. And then they wanted to tell everyone I have mental problems. Why because I am a sweet heart until u make me mad. My therapist says I have post traumatic stress disorder. I won’t even talk to and of them now and my father who always said the weirdest things like he wished he had married someone who looked like me and always tried to play footsies and tickle me into my teens. Also woke me up for school with what he called the hurricane. Where he pushed the bed up and down. Serious sicko people. For awhile I was trying to help my mother also because I am still financially dependent which I truly believe is part of her plan. Never wants me to b successful on my own. And she keeps always trying to poke me in the crotch. What a seriously Sick woman .. When I brought my last boyfriend out to dinner she said I don’t understand why u won’t eat from my plate but you will your boyfriend. And she always tries to sabotage any relationship I have. I think she wishes she were my boyfriend. Something is seriously derranged about this woman. She need to be put in the mad house. The interesting thing is all these sickos in my family always have health issues. Duh. Mind is body. I of course have never been sick in my life. Just unconfident and angry. Sigh. But truly thank you for this. It has helped so much.

    • A says:

      Dear Kay,

      Your story made me extremely sad. I pray for you! May God guide you and bless you with all the love and peace in the world!

      – A

  15. ich says:

    As i was reading all this , i got to say i felt sad at first , but as i went on and on , i got to say your words are very real …. I myself have never had a real daughter \mother relationship because i guess of all that we both have been thru …. It sad to say that sometimes we let each other doen with the most powerful words we can find ….with that being said , i feel a stong hate against her , and i know hate is not the word to even apply against our own mother .. I hate how shes treated me , i hate how shes loved my sibblings more and just pushed me away like if i was doing something wrong …. All i know is that now i have 3 beautiful children of my own who i deeply adore … When i get mad or fustrated , i feel that m getting my mothers way of treating me or yelling at me … Yes , sometimes i feel like i need to get some help to overcome all this painful experience i went thru … And still dealing with..

    • rltreasure says:

      All I can say is get the right help sooner than later. I am finally getting the help I need and my life and feelings about the past are no longer destroying my future. It’s hard work but my self worth grows in the tiniest of baby steps every day. On the flip side, my children grew up and I was not able to be there for them. It makes me sad for all the time I lost with them.

  16. Siya says:

    Helped me Understand quite many things.This read Answered many of my questions. Good job 👍

  17. Layal says:

    These mothers are sociopaths or narcissists, they are only interested in themselves and what they can gain from others. They are able to destroy families and generations and manipulate people against you if they are strong enough. A lot of negative energy so it´s better to stay away from them, cut all contact and realise it´s not you but them.

  18. hardletters says:

    What a sad article Mr. Ebrahim Aseem. Well for me, it’s also not that great when your mother loves you very much. https://lovecorners.wordpress.com/2015/05/11/mothers-love/ This link shows the other side of the coin, and I can relate to this article too. I just hope everyone would be humble and accept their own mistakes.

    • Ana says:

      IMO I’ll take the “Smother” of a Beverly Goldberg mom over one with NPD ANY DAY!

      The best thing I’ve gained from this was how not to be with my babies. Pushing 50 with a special needs teen and change of life baby I don’t “Smother,” but love despite my PTSD…..I cut ties with the NPD, my DH & kiddies get the best of me from me…period!

      Thanks for the article!

  19. Jennifer says:

    Thank you for the read. I think what mothers give to daughters in the beginning is what they get from daughters at the end. My mother hates me. She’s been telling me that I am evil monster since I remember myself. It took me many years, therapy, research and friends to realize that the monster was actually her. Some of my friends feel sorry for me. I tell them not to feel pity for me – I don’t have a burden to take care of – when she grows old – she’ll rot wherever she is – I will not move a finger to help her. I have a daughter also. I never hit her or yell at her. I explain her everything, love her, support her and give her hugs and kisses. My daughter is a happy girl. One time my mom jumped me when I had my daughter on my lap when we were visiting her. I put my daughter on the floor and threw my mom across the room. My mother was amused – she is so used to beating me. I told her that she will not touch my daughter. Since then she doesn’t talk to us no more. And we are very happy at that fact. We are happier with her not around. She can rot in hell.

  20. anon says:

    Thank you for your unique honest brave article, I’ve suffered from this problem, always knew my mom is jealous of me she puts me into trobles, she made me lose all my best highschool friends bcos of her behaviour, she made me lose my best moments of my youth time, made me leave university and put my father against me cos he used to love me so much, everytime that I’m energetic ans feel good she tries to ruin this mood and make me and when I’m disappointed,depress and miserably hopeless she feels happy and satisfied, I read these from her eyes an behaviours,she killed my soul by supressing me from everythomg I liked and by negetive energy she gives, I always am lonely cos I don’t have any body to talk about this problem, cos nobody would believe me, but this article made me feel I’m not alone and I was right. I hate her with all my heart, always think of revange, it’s my wish to become independant n live in my own house one day, never call her and never see her again in my life, and wish her the worst , if any God excists.she ows me the 25years of my life that she ruined.

  21. cindy says:

    Amazing article, it hit home with me. My mother was a mean, crazy witch so often growing up. She was also very good at times, which made me not recognize the abuse. We must all OWN OUR ABUSE. We can’t excuse and pretend it never happened. Therapy would be helpful and a good dose of self-honesty.

  22. stephanie says:

    I wish this was written years ago. I’ve been in so much pain over my mothers treatment of me, abuse and lack of love for too long. She never was a mother nor wanted to be. She handed me off like putting the doll back on the shelf when playtime over and responsibility had to come to order. Shed leave me with my grandparents. I was better off with my grandparents who loved me and my brother so unselfishly. I wish my mother didn’t tear us away just to have us in endless struggles of neglect, abuse and alcohol abuse. I moved out at 16 not ready for the world. But it was better than getting hit or watching my mom roll around naked screaming on front lawn intoxicated. I over two decades later and finally feeling peace and love for myself. Thank you for this beautiful writting. You are a wonderful man, a true kindred blessed spirit.

  23. fridah says:

    I cry every night my bed bares me witness. My mom hate to much that she can’t hide it for a second in my face I act strong but at night I can’t help but think and cry. Am always looking for that nightmare day I will be accepted and loved my mum scorns me for all my siblings mistakes am done defending myself. She once said I was a bad luck

  24. S says:

    honestly, thank you. i finally know what to do know.

  25. To Ms Nichols says:

    I want to hug your momma for doing such an incredible job being an amazing mommy! Hugs and kisses and Merry Christmas!

  26. sharri hayes says:

    I love this I will personally keep this close to my heart.

  27. Fatima says:

    I hate my mom sometimes she never let me do anything I left my education coz of my mom.she wanted me to take care of the house all the time cooking, cleaning, everything I can’t even eat what I want.i want to see her happy but she keeps shouting at me 😥

  28. Anna says:

    OK, to the readers out there who are incapable of accepting that not all mothers are like their very much loving, affectionate, tender mother who might go off from time to time, take a step back and for once in your life: ACKNOWLEDGE THAT IT ISN’T ABOUT ME!!!
    As a daughter of an evil narcissistic mother who won’t hesitate to resort to occultism to reinforce her hold on me (I’m 37), I can’t stand children of “good” mothers who can’t help but say truisms like: “She’s your mother, she loves you. A mother can’t hurt her child. A mother can’t be jealous of her child.” Hello, don’t you get it? Don’t you get that because of people like you, mean mothers get a free pass to carry on with their hurtful activities? It’s like saying Bill Cosby can’t be a rapist because he was Dr Huxtable. It’s like saying a priest can’t molest a child because he’s a man of God. It’s like saying a husband or a boyfriend can’t rape his partner because they’re in a relationship.
    Society has accepted that a father can be bad but refused to do the same with abusive mothers. There’s a double standard, the same standard that we will have medias call the killing of a infant by his father, a murder, and by his mother, an infanticide. Enough with putting mothers, at least all mothers, on pedestals! Some of them are cruel, mean-spirited people who present a motherly face for the world to see while they covertly enjoy destroying their offspring’s lives. They have no maternal fibers in their bones so stop assuming that every woman has a maternal instinct, is a caretaker, that nature decided so yadda yadda yadda! Just like the victims of church sexual abuses couldn’t speak up for decades because people were more afraid of seeing their bubbles busted than caring for the weak, it’s the same for the victims of abusive mothers. We can’t speak up, society doesn’t allow to speak and our silence allows our abuser to go scots free.
    So, if you’re one of those people who are easily offended by the fact that we dare attack the figure of the mother, go reflect on your lack of empathy!

  29. AskTPJ says:

    This has been my life. The funny thing is I am villainized for attempting to set boundaries or staying away. Sympathy is expected from me, but never for me. It’s like being penalized for being the mature/strong one. I thank you for this blog. I’m working on a project because silence is no longer an option.

  30. lileth says:

    thank you for this article. Very helpful indeed. I was in deep pain she caused me. i will never be like her. i love myself as i love my kids and husband.

  31. Asian says:

    Thank you.

  32. braveheart53 says:

    Wow, this is the first time that a MAN has enough empathy to truly understand the damage that these abusive mothers inflict on their daughters….additionally your choice of words accurately describe the inner turmoil of the daughters and the hate that secretly resides in these mothers. Most men, especially black men, have been pampered by their mothers, so it is very difficult for a lot of men to believe that a mother can be abusive to their daughters….I appreciate the validation from a man because the men around me think there is something wrong with me for wanting to keep a safe distance from my mother.
    I used to ask my brother if mother treated him like this or treated him like that. He would reply with a strong NO….he seemed confused when I would tell him about mothers treatment towards me…because our mother never treated my brother with anything other than loving kindness.
    Im now almost 50 years old, spent the majority of my life, in one abusive relationship after the next, no children and no real girlfriends. NOW, I see that I was only recreating the same relationships with people that I had with my mother. My mother gave me a blueprint on how relationships should go….only thing is, her blueprint for love included conditional love (what can you do for me), bulliying, selfishness and controlling behavior. BTW, I never knew my father. It took many years for me to come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with my mother and its not me. I am trying to pick up the pieces of whats left of my life. It is devastating to think about the affect that my mom’s abusive behavior had on my self esteem and how it led me to such a sad life. I cry for that little girl who never got to be a a little girl and feel that freedom of mind of being a little girl that is loved and protected. I cry to think of my life and what could have been, if I had just a little support from my family. Now, Im middle age and I feel like I have nothing to show for my life except bad memories..Funny, I think that my mom is actually happy that my life did not turn out better than her life…I really believe that……I was blind but now I see…it was like I knew something was wrong and I knew that I was depressed but I could not figure out why…it was like I was living in a fog…not to mention it is such a TABOO to think and god forbid to say anything bad about your mother, especially in the black community..however once i was able to accept the truth of the situation and not give a damn what anyone thinks..and forget the guilt…..the fog lifted. …thank god.!…Now, i can try to salvage whats left of my life.

  33. martine toussaint says:

    Dear friend thank you for your impressive understanding. My mother destroyed me to my very core, beyond repair. I was a bad seed who didn’t deserve anything not even to live, everybody was better than me , telling me that I would never accomplish anything good and life, that I would have a bad ending. That the only thing I was good at was the art of making people hate me.If I ever tell her that I had a new friends she would always say maybe for now bcz they don’t know you but wait until they know you they will dump you and run as far as they can bcz your are hatable. When I had my son she told my sibblings how sorry she felt for that poor baby to have a bad person like me as a mom that I had zero maternal instinct, so far from the truth. She felt sorry for my poor husband, and abusive monster, how come a nice guy like him ended up with THAT , he would had deserved so much better than THAT, me. I had crooked teeth as a teen she was always telling me to keep my mouth close in front of people I was not allowed to smile and if I accidentally did she would give me the dirtiest look. I ended up being grumpy and pretending to be mad at something all the time so I had a reason not to smile, I build up this miserable personality I was always sad or mad I had no choice. Then she would accuse me of being always in a bad mood.In spite of my crooked teeth I was a stunning looking girl long hair hip lentht and perfect body therefore she was always in competition telling me that men were looking at her more than me. She did everything in her power to destroy my brother marriage , envious of his pretty wife . We were 4 kids and nobody talks to anybody she created conflicts for the purpose of dividing us all with great success. We are all orphans. I still have feelings of guilt still fell as the cause of that mess.
    I have to stop here I could keep typing about the psychological violence I endured for a week non stop, .I am a loner, an anti social , I am sad all the time,I don’t have any friends or boyfriend I don’t trust people I don’t deserve to be loved I don’t allow myself to be happy I don’t deserve anything.I am mad at her and feel guilty to be mad at her it was not her fault she had a hard childhood I find reasons to excuse her behavior and the conclusion is that its all my fault.
    I don’t who you are but I thank God I found you dear brother Merci

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