WOMEN who have the smallest circle of friends tend to be the most genuine, because when you’re caring & loyal, it’s rare to find that in return. They keep a close circle, because fake female friends are not on their level of mental-maturity, compete with them, imitate their style, hate on them, are disloyal, talk behind their back, use them & always have their hands out for help, yet are never willing to help them when they need it most.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
“I honestly don’t have that problem, me and my girlfriends get along fine,” a blond, Danish woman testified during a cooking class I taught for a bridal shower. “In fact, my girls show me more affection than most guys ever do. My question is, how can I tell if a friend is really genuine or if they are just friendly towards me, because I am pretty, and they want to have a group of beautiful, stylish girlfriends to go out with and take pretty pictures with, basically just for show?”
“Young queens, you can tell a female is not a genuine friend if she will ask, ‘aww are you ok? What’s wrong honey?’ when she clearly sees you’re not ok, just so she can know all your confidential business to spread it around as gossip. You can tell she’s not genuine, because she will always ask you what’s wrong with much enthusiasm and a slight smile, like she’s actually happy that you’re sad.” I replied.
“She doesn’t really care if you are ok, she just wants to use you as a form of entertainment to attract friends by gossiping about your life to others. Females who lack confidence feel as though the only way they can get other women to like them is to have some messy drama about someone else to tell.
A fake friend will always rejoice in your misery and never celebrate in your happiness. They will always be around when you experience failures like, ‘oh what’s going on? Tell me more!” But, when you have successes and happiness, they don’t want to hear you talk about it. This is because some of your so-called friends get happy off your failure, because it makes them feel like at least they aren’t the only ones miserable, misery loves company. Your success annoys your fake friends so much, because it reminds them of the success and happiness that forever eludes them.
Some of your female friends look at you as their boyfriends. That is why she shows you more affection than most guys. She wants to be the one you go on dates with, cuddle with, confide in and say ‘I love you’ to. This is why every time you get in a relationship, she says, ‘girl, I don’t like him for you’. Then when you’re single again, she’s like, ‘girl, come to the club with me this weekend, so we can be the prettiest girls in the club, go hunting for guys with small egos and huge muscles, take pics and shine for the gram.” She doesn’t value your friendship, she is a leech, living of your genuine happiness.
If after you break up with your boyfriend, rather than console you and build you up, one of your girls says something to you like, ‘You acted like that guy was your whole life. I didn’t like him for you anyway, now I get my friend back.’ See, that just proves she is not a genuine friend. She was jealous of the relationship, not that you had with him, but that he had with you. Cut that leech off ASAP. A genuine friend will be happy you found love, not try to compete with your new love for your time and attention.
Some females are in constant competition with their friends. If you go out and buy a Michael Kors purse, next week you will see her with the same purse, same color, same design. If she sees you in some heels or a dress that you bought from an online boutique, she will say, ‘girl that’s a pretty dress and heels, what store did you buy it from? So I can know where to shop for you.’ with her slick, copy-cat ass. She doesn’t care about shopping for you, she wants to bite your style, simple as that.
I know you are tempted to put your girls on with your stylist, because some of your girls got nerve to wear open toe-heels without a pedicure, knowing damn well their feet look like eagle claws. We’re talking yellow toe nails, ashy ankles, like how is she light skin with ashy ankles? I know some of your girls act like they are allergic to pedicures, or even allergic to eye brow threading, with her bushy, Drake brows, but as a woman, your self-identity is everything.
Your hairstyle, fashion style, shoe game and hand bag style is a form of self-expression. You are not being selfish by being hesitant to share your beautician, hairstylist, esthetician and eyebrow-threader with your girls. Help them with it as much as you can, but when it reaches the point every time you invite one of your girls over, she’s asking to ‘borrow’ one of your outfits or heels, knowing damn well she has yet to return your favorite pair of heels she borrowed last summer, you know you have a leech on your hands.
You are in your friends’ life for them to learn from you if they are willing, but never become friends with someone you cannot learn anything from. Never become friends with someone you don’t want to become. Negative company corrupts positive fruit. You will be blessed with a few amazing friends in your life time. When you find true and genuine friends, shower them with love and affection while always remembering you are your best friend in this world. Be true to your friends, while remaining loyal to your self.
Loyalty is everything in a relationship with friends, family and dream mates. The worse thing a man can do is make his woman feel like she can’t talk to him about the issues she’s having with him, because he’s unwilling to shut up long enough to listen to her & understand how she feels, because he’s too busy interrupting her telling her how he thinks she feels and making excuses.
The worse thing a woman can do is talk to another woman about her relationship with her man. Young queens, you have to learn to be loyal to your man, not just with your heart, but with your mouth as well.
Don’t speak ill of your relationship on social networks. Don’t call or text your girlfriends, talking bad on your man, telling them all the things he does wrong, because once you do forgive him and the two of you make up, your girls will still have that negative picture you’ve painted of your man in their mind.
They don’t see the make up; they don’t see him apologize. They only see what you have told them when you were mad at him. Now, they hate him and secretly they want to break the two of you up, to protect you from what you told them he does wrong.
Young queens, when you and your man have an argument; no one should ever know about it. Please do not run to your phone and post on Facebook and tweet every time your man does something you don’t like. Do not hop on Instagram & create a meme about love every time you and your man fight, because when you do, you are breaking down the privacy levees of your relationship, allowing disloyalty to flood in like a hurricane.
The biggest threat to your relationship is not side hoes, it is you gossiping about your relationship to snakes in your circle. Not all of your ‘besties’ are happy you found love. Even if they love you, subconsciously if she can’t get a good man; your disloyal friend will always bad talk yours, shooting down your happy relationship, especially if you give her the ammunition. The best type of relationship is the one everyone sees, yet no one knows about.”
Women who are very strong-minded & very deep thinkers tend to be misunderstood, because not many people are mentality on her level. What stresses mentally mature women the MOST is not dealing with men. She knows exactly what she wants from a man. In fact, When she asks a man a question about something, she ALREADY KNOWS THE ANSWER. She just wants to see whether or not he will be honest about it.
What stresses mentally mature women out the most is other females.
So much of the stress in a virtuous woman’s life comes from the females in it. Her so-called ‘friends’, female co-workers, her girls who call her ‘sister’ ‘twin’ ‘backbone’ ‘ride-or-die’ or ‘best friend’, the type of females who are always hitting her up for relationship advice. Yet, after she gives her advice, the female goes and does the exact opposite of the advice. Then, she’s left like, ‘wait, so if you were just going to do what the hell you wanted to anyway, why call me for advice in the first damn place?’ The reason for this is deeper than many of us men can even imagine.
Strong women are often used by their female friends, who are really leeches & snakes. She gives them her friendship and she is used as an emotional crutch. She’s someone to lean on when her girls feel down, but just because a woman is very strong does not mean she doesn’t feel weak and get emotional sometimes. Just because she’s a deep thinker and gives great advice, does not mean she doesn’t need someone to talk to, to vent to, to give her advice, to lift her up.
A strong-minded woman needs a friend to lean on and be the caring friend to HER she is always to others. Yet, often when she needs a friend, or advice or help, her girls who she always helps are nowhere to be found. She’s always the one in the circle who has to call one of her girls out on their stuff and tell them the truth about their self.
She is always the one who has to tell her girl when she’s been drinking too much when they go out, to the point every night ends with one of her girls face down in a garbage can, throwing up. She is always the one holding her girl’s hair, while all the other girls in her circle are busy snapping pictures of her with their phone, posting it on Instagram, yelling, ‘WorldStar’ and ‘turn up!’
She is always the one who has to check one of her girls for trying to sleep with one of their girlfriend’s EXs, or check one of her girls for tying to talk to a guy who she knows damn well one of their close mutual friends has a crush on.
She is always the one who has to speak up and let one of her girls know she’s been spending way too much time with her man, flaking on her girls, even cutting off her girls, because her new man, who has yet to faithfully commit himself to her, doesn’t like her spending time with friends, because he wants to monopolize all her time and attention, making her dependent on only him for her happiness.
She is often told by her girls, ‘bitch stop acting like you’re my mother! Telling me what to do!’ Or she’s told, by her girls, ‘every time you get your eyebrows arched you think you can just say whatever you want to me huh?’ When in reality, she is only trying to look out for her friends. That is when her friends get defensive and start to talk b.s. about her to each other behind her back. Texting her friends, telling them all of her personal business she told them in confidence and confidential secrets, just to make her friends turn against her. Posting subliminal meme’s about her on Instagram. Telling all her business on social networks, then taking it down, trying to act like she never did it, with her ole snake ass.
This is why many strong-minded women keep a small circle, because there are very few women she can trust who match her mental maturity level. Mentally mature women feel like the women in her circle should be a reflection of Her. She’s not into having a circle full of pretty girls with zero ambition, who go to all the latest functions, yet, never go to work or school.
She’s not into having a circle full of girls who get their hair done, make up done and get dressed only to take pictures for Instagram likes. Yet, they are broke, living at home with their mother, who pays all her bills, phone and even washes her tacky clothes.
A mentally mature woman only wants women in her circle who are as ambitious, caring, mature, classy and intelligent as she is. She’s a REAL friend. When her friends hurt, she hurts. She stays up at night, thinking about her real friends’ problems like they are her own. Praying her friends will make better decisions with their life and learn to love themselves more.
Sometimes she is more mature than her own mother, who at times behaves like a toddler, and she has to deal with all of this all alone.
These are the characteristics of a Strong minded woman. This is all the stress & burdens deep thinking women have on their plate and carry on her shoulders. As men in her life, we have to know this and make a commitment That we won’t add stress to her already stressful life. If you are going to be part of a mentally mature woman’s life, either be bringing something to the table, taking away her stress, understanding her, offering her intellectual stimulation through DEEP spiritual conversation, or don’t even approach her, because she has so much on her plate and the last thing she needs in her life right now is us as men planting feelings in her heart, if we have no intention of cultivating them.
My sisters teach me everything I know about understanding a woman & that a confident woman loves to see the beauty in other women, because she doesn’t view every woman as her competition.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
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If I could give you 5 Stars for this post I would! You nailed it!!:-)
Could you advice me on how to grow out of a certain problem? My bestie is in a relationship with an amazing guy while I’m single. She’s beautiful inside out and the man is a gem too. I get jealous of them often because I’m the shy and quiet kind of girl guys don’t notice(NOT because I’m losing girl time with her, she pays extra attention not to leave me behind). She’s outgoing, fun charming and a wonderful person and I am happy she found love. Its my own insecurities that a good man will never seek out and pursue a quiet and shy girl like me that sometimes makes me bring her down. She’s helped me out of rough times and is always there for me, I really want to be that classy woman that builds her girls up, not break them down. I just can’t get rid of these insecurities that no man will love me because I’ve never even gotten attention from the guys you’d call ‘males’, forget about kings. I’m otherwise comfortable with being quiet and shy, I love being that way, but it just sucks to think no man will love you cuz you don’t want to change a big part of your personality. I’m not ready for a relationship yet, that I’m sure of. But the fact that not even a single male or king showed interest in me ever doubts if I’m a worthy person…
Queen i would love to give you advice, I will respond to you via email. Here, email me your email addess so I can reply: AEAseem@gmail.com
Wow i’ve been reading most your articles and i must say God has blessed you with a talent to speak life into young girls like me.Thank u so much
This is GREAT!!!!! I wish a lot more Men would take the time out to think like you. I definitely need and want a copy of of your book. Please come if your ever in the area stop in Knoxville, TN I would be honored to hear you speak.