It was my first one night stand. My first “white girl”. My first night in Vegas. Yet, as I slid off her panties, all I could think about was my girl back home.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
The most annoying thing to a man is a woman who repeats herself. It makes you want to hang up on her difficult ass, storm out, or call up one of your side chicks who doesn’t nag.
Side chicks get more attention than wives & girlfriends, because they know their role & play it well. No back talk. No arguments. No repeating herself. Just lust & affection as she strokes your fragile male ego long & hard, when your main girl isn’t acting right. This is what mentally immature guys tell each other when women aren’t around, to cover up each others inadequacies. So, when my homies told me this & I profusely disagreed after confessing to not having any side chicks, they had one word for me. Vegas.
I had been seeing this beautiful Caribbean sista from Dominica for five weeks. I met her at the flea market (swap meet), an amazing place to meet mentally ascended naturalistas. When I saw her dark brown, 5’9” frame trying on bracelets, I just had to approach.
“Excuse me, but I just had to let you know, your natural hair is beautiful, do you style it yourself?” I asked her with a smile & an extended hand.
I’ve learned, approaching a woman by saying ‘excuse me’ allows you to get her attention, while showing respect for her. She may be in deep thought, depressed, on her cycle or just doesn’t feel like being approached. Being respectful when approaching a woman can be the difference between getting her 7-digits in your phone, or getting her 5-fingers slapped across your face.
“Thank you, yes I do,” she replied with a thick Caribbean accent & a hint of sass, shaking my hand. “And how do you know my hair is natural?”
“Really?” I replied with a laugh. “You’re out here smelling like cocoa butter & coconuts & you’re gonna ask me how I know your hair is natural? Of course I was gonna know your hair is natural.”
She laughed so hard she had to cover her mouth. Bruh. You know a woman is feeling you, when your laughgasm-game is so on point, she has to cover her smile. That’s how you KNOW you’re in. A woman knows within the first five seconds of meeting you if she’d give you her number. All you have to do is stay confident, funny & don’t blow it!
We exchanged names & numbers, before departing. I called her that day & invited her out on a date to an Anthony Hamilton concert that weekend after dinner. Four dates later, I had realized two things. I was extremely attracted to her mind, body & soul. And I wanted to stop talking to her, immediately.
Even though she was very sweet, she rarely showed it before an argument. And she loved to argue, but she would argue subtly, without yelling or cursing.
The way some women are always so difficult & sarcastically blunt, with that nonchalant attitude is relationship repellant to some men. I, on the other hand, love a sassy, respectful woman, because I am a confident man with a mouth of my own. But what I could not deal with is a woman who repeats herself. And she always did it.
Her favorite line was, “but you said….” Like every time I said something she disagreed with, she’d always bring up some old shit I said or did that contradicted what I was currently saying. What a nag right? Wrong. Don’t call her a nag. A nag is a horse. A woman is your supporter. Your inspiration.
If she mentions it more than once, it’s bothering her. Don’t make her always have to seem crazy or over-emotional for expressing herself & noticing inconstancy. Listen.
A woman who repeats things is not trying to be difficult bro. She just sees your amazing potential & wants to help you reach it, because she loves you deeply. Your dreams are her happiness. Your joy is her peace. It hurts her deeply that you always complain about a quality of nurturing she possesses, calling what she does nagging you, when she’s really motivating you.
When your woman brings something to your attention more than once or makes a simple suggestion, do not be dismissive, defensive & combative. Let her know her feelings matter to you.
Listen, then say, “babe, I just want to thank you for bringing this to my attention. I will apply it so I don’t repeat this same mistake again.” It does not take away from your manhood to listen to your woman & admit she was right, in fact, it proves you are a man of valor, who doesn’t need to make a woman feel low in order to build his esteem up.
Unfortunately, at the time, I couldn’t see this. I was so used to girls who’d pacify me. Girls who’d rather bite their tongue than speak their mind & risk losing a guy she likes by calling him out on his inconsistency. These pacifying females are rewarded with our time, when the women who love us enough to tell us when our shit stinks, these loyal women get cheated on, lied to, ridiculed & left, with no warning. Just like my Caribbean queen.
It had been three days since I last spoke to her. I stopped replying to her texts. Stop liking her pictures on Instagram. I even marked her Facebook messages she sent me as “unread” after I read them, so she wouldn’t know I saw them. I was being petty.
Guys behave petty to a woman who’s made it so clear she wants a future with him, because he knows he’s currently nowhere near her loyalty level. On the third day, after complaining to my homies about her, they suggested I go to Vegas with them for the weekend. I unloaded my feelings, packed my bags & boarded the plane for my first trip to Las Vegas, Nevada. As a huge movie-head, I’d always heard people in the movies say, “what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas”. By the end of my trip, I’d know too well exactly what that mantra meant.”
We checked in at the hotel. Showered. Changed clothes & went out for adult beverages. I ordered a yard-long Pina Colada at Fat Tuesdays, with six 151-shots. Yeah. Turnt all the way up. And I had the least shots in my group. We were a seven-man wolf-pack, on the prowl for women. The plan was to hit the casino for a couple of hours, then meet back up at the hotel so we could regroup & go party hopping.
I bought some chips & decided to shoot crap. After winning $40 & loosing $80, I got up & sat down at the only empty Black Jack table in the casion. If you’ve ever been to a Vegas casino, you know the female Black Jack dealers dress extremely revealing. Cleavage all the way out. Out here setting thirst trapping, tryna get all our little tips, gas money & child support. Even though I’m not attracted to that type anymore, at the time, I was very turned on by my Black Jack dealer.
She was drop dead gorgeous. Smile like Selena. Curves like Trina. Breasts like Janet. Dammit. She had me flirting. And when I flirt, I hit a woman with my intellectual prowess & hilariousness as a combo.
My aim was strictly to flirt & enjoy my remaining minutes at the casino, conversing with a gorgeous woman. Nothing more. Okay, I snapped a couple of pictures with her for The Gram. Who wouldn’t have? I was happy & single. Who could ask for more? Yet, when I lost all my chips, even the chips I wanted to tip her with, I got way more than I bargained for.
When I stood up & grabbed my drink, she slid me a white envelope & said, “enjoy yourself tonight.” I grabbed the envelope, that was the size of a credit card, slid it in my pocket & walked off.
On the cab ride back to the hotel, I felt like the man. I had cut off a difficult, smart mouth, nagging woman who repeats herself & I had just got what I thought was a number from one of the prettiest women I had ever seen. I skipped into the hotel, danced into the elevator & two stepped into our hotel room.
After hearing my homies brag about pictures they took with gorgeous women, I smiled & asked the group, “but did y’all pull a number tho?”
“Ohhhhhh!” you got a number?” Tommy asked.
“What she look like?” Greg asked me.
“Shiiiiit, what the ass look like tho?” Tommy asked.
As ‘dog like’ as women may think males are as a species, when women aren’t around, some guys are worse. Mentally immature males objectify women in every sentence when around other makes. Weak minded males feel degrading & objectifying the one their God favored enough to make the only vessel of life, makes them superior to her; filling his gaping holes of insecurity & crater-sized inadequacies. Unbeknownst to them, objectifying women, when you were born from a woman, doesn’t make you look manly, it makes you look a cowardly. Whenever I am around other men, I never allow them to objectify women in my presence.
“All you ever talk about on a woman is her ass,” I replied to Tommy. “She can have the face of a Donkey & you’d still holla if she had ass. Damn. Are you a soap droppa or something?”
“Oooooooooo!” the room instigated.
“I bet I steal yo’ bitch, the one whose number you just got,” Tommy replied.
“Why every woman gotta be a bitch?” I asked, pulling out my phone to show the guys her picture. “You like having sex with canines or something? Besides, she’s not ugly enough for you bruh.”
“Woah!” “Mami is bad as fuck!” the guys commented after seeing her picture.
“Damn E,” Greg replied, “she’s pretty & all, but all this time I ain’t never seen you with a White girl.”
The guys laughed.
“She gone pop yo’ White girl cherry,” Malik joked.
“She’s not White,” I replied with a confused look on my face, “she’s Black. She told me her pops is Cape Verdian & he raised her there until she was nine.”
“Is her momma White?” Malik asked.
“Yeah, her moms is Austrian.,” I replied.
“Well, then she White,” Malik joked.
I sighed in disagreement. Ignorance makes me sigh & the room was littered with it.
“Keep it real, E,” Malik continued. “Now, we all know you coming off dating that smart mouthed ass Jamaican girl.”
“And what better way to get over her trout mouthed ass than to get you a Becky,” Tommy piggybacked.
“A White woman is not some break or vacation from dating a Black woman,” I interjected. “A Black woman is heaven to a man with genuine intentions, so if ever you feel she’s giving you hell, it may be because she sees the demon in you. White women are not here to be submissive to you & let you run over them. A woman is submissive to her integrity & allergic to your bullshit, no matter her race.”
“Ashe,” Patrick, one of the married men agreed. “He’s droppin’ game on you brothers. I love my Black woman. Like is happier with a good woman by your side.”
“Thank you. How the hell do y’all consider a woman who’s from Africa ‘not Black’ just because she has a White mother?” I asked, foolishly entertaining their ignorance.
“Shit them mixed girls with White mommas be more White-washed than regular White women,” Malik joked. They think they’re better than Black people. As soon as they see a brotha walking down the street, they get the power walking. Like, ‘don’t approach me Nigger, I’m out of your league. Ethan already asked me on a date tonight anyway. I accepted.”
When Malik did his impersonation of how he feels “mixed women with White mothers” talk, he used an extremely proper tone, sparking the whole room to erupt in laughter. I was wearing the stalest face ever, in full disagreement with the racism & self-hatred on display.
“I’m surprised she slowed down long enough for you to approach her, with yo’ hood ass,” Malik continued, “your deep voice didn’t scare her off? You know E be approaching females, sounding like Q from Moesha. ‘Showty, what’s good with them digits?”
When Malik did his impersonation of Q from Moesha, he used an over-exaggerated New York accent. I fought off a laugh before responding.
“I didn’t even have to approach her,” I corrected, pulling out the envelope she gave me so they could see it, “she approached me.”
“Bruh, that ain’t a number that’s a room key!” Greg yelled, grabbing it from my hands. “The Mirage? Damn, E finna get laid tonight.”
“Not I, “I responded, snatching back the room key from Greg. “I don’t do one night stands. I’m not trying to catch crabs from this Black Jack girl.”
“C’mon guy!” Malik pleaded. “You deserve to treat yourself baby! This is Sin City! You need a little sin in your life. Go ‘head & spend one night in the Australian tunnel.”
“Yeah E, do it for me at least,” Curtis begged, “I’m married with kids & responsibilities. I gotta live vicariously through you.”
“Austria. Not Australian, ya idiot. But alright,” I agreed, caving in to peer pressure like a sucka, “I’ll do it. But, I ain’t doing it for the married homies. Y’all ain’t living through me.”
“Well, can you at least videotape it for us?” Tommy joked.
“Man, hell nah!” I yelled, as the room erupted with laughter.
I showered. Changed clothes. Caught a cab in front of our hotel & headed to The Mirage for my first one night stand.
When I arrived to her hotel, I road the elevator to the floor written on the envelope, strolled to her room door & used the key she slid me to open the door. She was laying on the bed, wearing sexy lingerie, looking good enough to eat. I wanted to dive in & swim deep.
“Hey handsome,” she greeted, standing up to give me a hug, “I didn’t know if you’d show. I was worried my confidence scared you off.”
“Never that,” I replied. “I love a confident woman. You got the ipod sound dock jamming Bob Marely, candles lit, I see you.”
“I’m just happy to have a reason to be romantic,” she smiled, “I’ve been living out here for two years & I just got out of a romanceless relationship. Is that a word? I don’t know, I just be making up words sometimes. You have to excuse me.”
She spoke with a soft voice. Sounding like she could moonlight as a phone-sex operator.
“I love candles,” she continued, “but my ex hated the scent. So I never got to use them. After moving out three weeks ago, I started using my candles, listening to my songs & pampering myself. When I saw you, I wanted you. Then you opened your mouth, & spoke to me in a way no man ever does. I know I wasn’t talking as much as you. I don’t want you to think I’m some airhead. I just like to listen.”
“If I thought you were an airhead, I wouldn’t be here now would I?” I said, before grabbing her by her waist & kissing her lips. She unzipped my pants, turned around & begin grinding her curves on my manhood, causing me to stand strong at attention.
“Damn, let me hop in the shower right quick,” I said, smacking her ass, “and when I come out, I want you to sit that ass on my lap.”
I closed the bathroom door, hopped out of my clothes & showered. I washed my face, neck, abs, ass, penis, legs, & feet before shampooing my hair. After rinsing off & toweling off, I walked back into the room & removed my towel. She was laying in bed, waiting for me.
I eased on the bed, parted her legs & slid two fingers inside. As I pressed her button, she began to moan uncontrollably, her body moving up & down like turbulent waves in the ocean. The tide was high. I eased my fingers out to taste what was on the menu, but before I could suck my fingers & dine on her pearl cuisine, I smelled the scent of a McDonalds fish fillet meal. Her vagina smelled like a Chinese seafood market!
“Come hop in the shower with me,” I demanded of her, once I stood back up.
“I already showered before you came over,” she replied, using her fingers to play her instrument.
“Are you kidding me?!” I thought to myself.
“Listen, it will be good foreplay, come on,” I said, picking her up & carrying her to the bathroom.
She showered. I mean, I watched her wash, every inch of her body. She washed her vagina thoroughly. And when I tell you after that shower this woman still smelled like a wet dog & aged cheese, I realized sex was no longer on the menu. I was glad I did not have sex with her. No wonder she wanted scented candles burnin. My first & last one night stand attempt was over. And in that moment, all I could think about, other than how the hell can you shower twice & your vagina still smell like sea world, all I could think about was my Caribbean queen I was so hesitant to be in a relationship with back home. #EbrahimAseem
I thought I was winning but cutting off a woman who speaks her mind before she required commitment from me but really I had loss. I lost the favor of a loyal woman & I lost my sense of smell for the evening. Her va-jay-jay juice was lethal. Smelling like death & dishonor. But what was truly dishonorable was the fact I stopped talking to a loyal woman, out of nowhere, before we could grow to be something real. I called my caribbean queen, but she didn’t answer. I texted, but she didn’t reply. I choose a self-proclaimed bad bitch over a good woman & I was paying for it. Never again.
Women repeat things, because we as men are hard of hearing. We can’t hear the love & passion in her voice when she speaks her mind to us. We can’t her the echoes of affection in the inflection of her projection, calling her nag & difficult, when her words are wisdom of protection.
Don’t cut a loyal woman off out of nowhere, fronting like you have no care.
She fought her demons for you, broke down her wall for you, destroyed her trust issues for you, and this is how you do? Don’t cut her off. Fight for her like she fights for you. Women don’t ask for the world, they only ask us to listen & show effort. That’s not asking much at all. She deserves to appreciation. Men, we have to stop calling a woman who speaks her mind, “difficult”.
A woman willing to accept you at your worst & love you with her best, she is not a ride or die, she is an enabler. A woman loyal to your potential will never allow you to be at your worst. She will inspire you to be your best. She will encourage you with her words, motivate your goals & support your ambitions. Don’t lose your motivation chasing these side pieces bro.
When will we as men realize, all the women on your social network can never amount to that ONE sweet, loyal woman of integrity who loves you so much that she’ll always check you, but never disrespect you. Commit to her. Stop leading her on, stringing her along. Don’t take her loyalty for weakness. As much as she loves you, she loves herself more & would rather walk out that door than remain loyal to your complacency.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
Motivational #SpeakLife vidoes: Youtube.com/RealNewsmagazine