Single Mothers don’t have poor taste in men. It’s not her fault she choose a “baby daddy”. She just confided in a boy she thought was as a man.
It’s hard to judge a book by its contents, when the cover tells a lying story. Good men do exist Yet, sometimes lame males front & play the role of a MAN when they first meet a woman. Once she gives him her heart & her loyalty before requiring his faithful commitment, he switches up & reveals himself for the mentally immature little boy he is. Other times, that single mother just choose a ‘bad boy’ & her superficial attraction & choices came back to haunt her. By: Ebrahim Aseem
I don’t hold a woman’s past choices against her. Single mothers DESERVE a Man who can LEAD himself & his children. She shouldn’t have to lead herself AND her child by herself, AND make every financial decision in her life, AND deal with stress, AND pay all the bills, AND pray all by her self. #EbrahimAseem
She deserves a strong man who can shoulder that burden with her. Lead her child & be her rock. Teach her child how a loving, healthy relationship looks by how he treats her with respect & faithful commitment. Melt away her insecurities. Destroy her trust issues. Break down her wall & show her what reciprocal love is.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
I had to watch my moms do all that alone growing up, as she chose to divorce my father, rather than be subjected to catering to a good man who’s not on her level of growth. My father, who died when I was young, taught me with actions to never sit & watch the mother of my children struggle to play the role that I as a MAN was put on this earth to play. #EbrahimAseem
I have no children but all this love to give a child. I’m going to get the wife & children I deserve, even if I have to marry a single mother after courting her, because at least I know she knows how to cater to a man, because she’s raising one. #EbrahimAseem I’ve always felt this way, well before I ever took a single mother out on a date. Now, after being out on at least a dozen first dates with single mothers, I can confidently say:
this is why no man should “date” a single mother. Marry her. Court her. But don’t waste her time by “dating” her with no intentions to marry her. #EbrahimAseem Dating & talking are ambiguous terms. You’re either planning to marry her, sex her, or planning to friend zone her. There’s no in between.
I met the sweetest woman at Forever 21 while shopping for my niece. Career woman, second year master’s student. Tall. Gorgeous. Fashionable. Curly haired killa. I’m talking the kind of fine where you gotta squint your eyes when you look at her fine ass. Her eyes a beautiful hazel. Her lips full & luscious, with a smile that could get her anything she wanted… except a man. She was a single mother.
Her son was her everything. Her little man was the man of the house. Her MCM every monday. No man could ever come before her son. At first glance, I knew none of this. So, when I saw her shopping, I had to approach.
“Good afternoon,” I greeted with a smile, “I pray your day goes as beautiful as your vibe is. You’re absolutely slaying your outfit. Could I ask your opinion on some clothes for my baby niece?”
“Of course,” she replied with a smile. “That’s cute you shop for your niece. Or is that just some pick up line you use to meet hot women?”
I laughed out loud.
“No line queen, I just love my family & being all about them,” I clapped back. “Now, I see your hair & nails are freshly done. So are you & your abundant edges really in here shopping, or is this just some tactic you use to get approached by handsome men?”
She laughed loudly. She laughed so hard, she snorted. The giggle-snort is a woman’s boner. If you can stimulate both her mind & her funny bone consistently, she’s yours. Also, never make a woman feel her smart mouth is a problem. Just respectfully clap back & let her sassy ass know you’re just as fluent in sarcasm as she is & you will arouse what most men rarely stimulate, her pulsating mind.
“Oh! You got jokes, I see you,” she replied, failing at fighting off a blush. “Well to answer your question, I don’t do this as a tactic to get approached, but I must say, you are a very handsome man.”
“Thank you beautiful young woman,” I responded, sticking out my hand for her to shake. “My name is Ebrahim Aseem. What is your name?”
“Damiyah,” she answered cheesing harder than an infant during a tickle session. “I have a little sister who adores me & acts just like me, so I buy her clothes that I’d like. She just loves it & I love doing it. I’m a fashion designer, what do you do?”
After exchanging fashion tips, we exchanged numbers. By the time the cashier bagged the clothes I bought, I had bagged Damiyah. I called her that night & we talked for hours. For eleven days, we talked every day for hours. On the twelfth day, I invited her on a date to the Brian McKnight concert that friday. She accepted. Yet, on the day of the concert, when I went to pick her up, she flaked. Ignored my calls, texts & honks. I even rung her doorbell four times. No response. I hoped back in my car & drove home. I was furious. I didn’t understand why a woman would flake, knowing you already bought tickets to something. In reality, she wasn’t flaking on me.
I found out later her son had a post pulmonary interstitial emphysema outbreak. That’s why she was not at home. She was in the hospital with her son. Her phone died.
Men have no idea how hard it can be for Single Mothers to deal with the baby, get ready for work, feed the baby, get dressed, clean up after the baby, rock the baby, because the precious bundle of joy is crying, then wipe her own damn tears, because girls cry rivers having to deal with the baby all by her self. #EbrahimAseem
Meanwhile, the child’s sperm donor (aka father) plays Call of Duty, finger-banging enabling women, playing Madden, eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of a huge mixing bowl & buying bammer weed & over-priced Jordans with money he could be providing for his child & investing in his role as a father.
Man up & spend time with your child. Not for 2 hours bro, no stop “baby sitting your own child”, while you play daddy for another woman’s child. Take your child for a weekend, shit a whole week. Give your children’s mother time for her SELF. If You can’t say you love your child when you grieve, over stress & over work your child’s mother by making her do most if the work. #EbrahimAseem You men will be salty as hell when your children say they don’t fuck with you when they grow up.
Men, we can’t always assume a woman is flaking on us, just because she’s not available to spend time with us. Her child is her priority over herself. Don’t complain. Support her. She does it all alone & is trying to hold it all together. Reassure her motherhood is not a deal breaker & she will shower you with abundant affection.
Two days later, Damiyah texted me apology selfies of herself & those curls, then she called me & apologized for flaking, simply saying, she had a “family emergency.” I wanted to be upset, but she was too sweet & fine to stay mad at. Like you know someone’s fine when you give them second chances after repeating red flags. She asked for a make up date & promised to make it up to me by inviting me to an Ethiopian restaurant for dinner & live jazz. I accepted. The date was amazing. Bomb food. Great music. We even danced together. Towards the end of the date, however, she dropped a bombshell.
“I have to be completely honest with you, because I really like you,” she confessed. “The reason I flaked on our first date, was because I was in the emergency room with my son. He had a lobectomy as a baby & was having trouble breathing that day. So, I took him to the hospital.”
“Wow, I’m sad to hear that,” I responded empathetically. “I pray he’s better now. I didn’t know you had a son.”
“I know,” she replied, “I planned to tell you the night of our first date, but then it happened, and I… I just feel like I should’ve already told you, but something this serious should be revealed face to face. Me and my son’s father are not together anymore, but me & my son are living with him right now. It’s a long story, but we got an apartment together before I got pregnant. Everything was great, until I told him I was with child. From then on he changed. He started cheating & yelling at me for everything. Once I had my son, it got worse. That’s when I broke up with him. I wanted to leave, but my name is still on the lease & I can’t afford to pay rent at two different places.
I moved out & got my own place, but after I lost my job, I got evicted & became homeless. There I was, me and my infant son living in my Prius. I just recently started living back with my child’s father, just so my son would not be cold at night. Look, I know this is a lot of drama & I never wanted to involve you. I hope you’re not mad at me. But, if you never want to see me again, I understand.”
“I’m not mad at you,” I assured her, “and I applaud all you do for your son. I want you to know, you are not a victim. You are a victor. There is victory in enduring pain, it makes you stronger. I’m happy you are telling me this now on our first date, before we started dating, and out of respect, I feel it is only fair to tell you that I don’t date single mothers.”
“Wow, you really just said that, huh,” she replied with a hint of attitude, “just flat-out, you don’t date single mothers.”
“No, I don’t date single mothers. Because that’s A waste of her time. I court them with the intention to marry them, or else I let them go so she can meet her future husband. ,” I explained. “This is why no man should date a single mother, MARRY that single mother, make your intentions with her known by counting her first, or don’t even waste her time by “dating” her.”
Men, if you’re not ready to faithfully commit to her, by all means, keep your substance-lacking side pieces & keep playing, but be honest with her. Don’t hold back her blessings, playing a role another man is meant to have in her life, by making her his wife. #EbrahimAseem
Don’t you string a single mother along, planting feelings in her heart & empty promises in her mind, when you know damn well you don’t see her in your future. Don’t demand her loyalty without offering her commitment, because her loyalty is to her child first. #EbrahimAseem A woman and her child are a package deal. If you date a single mother & her child gets attached to you, then you leave, it will crush that child. It will give that child abandonment issues lasting a lifetime, effecting their future relationships.
I will not ask you to chill. I will take you out on a date, let you know exactly how I feel & my intentions with you. We’re too old for games & passiveness. If you have a child, we will not “talk” or date leading nowhere. I will court you. I will make my plans to marry you one day known. You deserve a help meet, not merely a date. A man “dating” her without commitment is how she became a single mother in the first place.
I’m tired of seeing sweet women with beautiful children & no father in sight. I promise not to make any woman a mother, until I make her a wife. #EbrahimAseem
A woman all about her child makes a man of valor want to be all about her. I know you want a complete family. A husband to share a lifetime of affection with. Travel abroad with. Grow with. Laugh with. Be silly with. Raise your children to love themself with. I want you to know you are not broken. You are not damaged goods. You are not incomplete without a man. You are a masterpiece, sculpted by the most powerful artist in the universe, who has a plan & a help meet for you. So get ready. Self edify. Love your child, and your king will mentally ascend to his throne, make you the wife you were born to be and love you & your child as his own, with all his heart.
Single mother does not automatically mean deadbeat father. Some fathers are not allowed to establish a relationship with their child, because the mother is bitter he moved on. Some single mothers are widows who had amazing husbands.
Having a child does not take away from all she has to offer. She was born to be a wife. Honor her. Reassure her having a child is not a deal breaker. It just proves she can nurture you with affection on a level you’ve never experienced. Don’t let fatherhood & marriage scare you bro. You are a king, regal minded, endowed by the greatest artist in the universe to be a leader & provider. Don’t shy from it. Embrace it.
If you want a woman you have to fight for her. One day, if we’re meant to be together, I will find my future wife & let her know how much she means to me. But I won’t “date” her. I will court her, even if she has children. Then, I will get on one knee & ask her that virtuous woman to be my “good thing”.
I can imagine being married. Having children, spending time with them, Playing with them & making them laugh, teaching them about life, instilling confidence & self worth before giving them piggyback rides. Having a wife, spoiling her with love and attention, Being goofy with her, making her laugh & smile every second I spend with her. Providing for my family.
I honestly pray I have all this before my moms gets too old to enjoy a daughter-in-law & grandchildren. Everytime I see my moms, she talks about wanting grandchildren & saying she raised me to be a husband. Because I was raised by a queen, I now for sure, I am not looking for a girlfriend to date, I am looking for a wife to court, marry & raise children with.
I’d absolutely MARRY a single mother after courting her. Then I could be my dream, a father, but never will I date her “talk” & starve her of commitment she deserves
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
Motivational #SpeakLife videos: Youtube.com/RealNewsmagazine
These poetic lyrics are from Ebrahim Aseem’s newest single “Shea Butter”. Click above to hear or download FREE.
I’m a chef, writer & singer. I post new articles & recipes every thursday.
I’ve been a youth mentor for young men for 11 years, teaching them how to uplift & respect women & be men of confidence & valor. I make songs uplifting women. I speak isiZulu & English. I do motivational speaks at universities & private corporations worldwide. I am omw to do a motivational speak to a group of teen mother rape survivors at a wayward house.
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I hav cried through each of your stories.Its just so difficult being a single mom; the emotional demand of the kids,the harsh judgement that the world passes on us…..you just lose yourself. i hav 2 wonderful boys,all i have ever known is stress and loneliness since he left,it feels like he left with a significant part of me. i have blamed myself many times and even regreted having kids. I hve loved the way you reasonate with single moms. i feel very lucky to have landed on this link. thank you.
It gets better trust that. I KNOW those days all to well but I’m content right now n working on me .
I agree 100% with everything you said, so true.
Nice very nice
Great. Simply great. Beautifully written and touching. I was a single mother, but God sent me a man who courted me and made me his wife a year and a half later. He loves me and my children as his own. I’m grateful to God for where my life is now! God is good. Thanks for speaking life into the men and women of today.
Your words brought me to tears. Not because I’m sad but because I was able to read and know that at least one man understands where I’m coming from. I’m not mean and I don’t hate men but I will not allow another man to waste my time or enter into my life and not plan on staying. My child’s father and I were engaged. He broke the commitment he made because he cheated and did not want to be honest. But continues 5 years later not to be a father to my child. He has since married and is a father to a stepchild and one more of his own . My child has to take the heat for his actions. So no sir I don’t want to chill,play,or pretend with you I’m only looking for a husband and father.
Im just mad that the title says Single Mothers and you show a picture of Beyonce. I understand when you have a keyword as popular as Beyonce on your page it’s going to draw more traffic, which promotes your Social Media sites (Instagram, Twitter, Facebook) which in the long run keeps promoting you as a Motivational Speaker and puts money in those pockets, but have some moral responsobility. Black Women are misrepresented as much as it is and youre going to misrepresent Beyonce’s image like that. If this site gets enough hits next thing yoj know we will be googling single mothers and a picture of Beyonce and her daughter will show up. Beyonce is one of the most recognizable persons in the more and because of this on the Entertainment level she represents Black Americans. In my travels around the world you wouldnt imagine how much love I get for being from the same culture as Beyonce. Let’s be wise on how we make our come up my brother.
The title says “you shouldn’t date a single mother” accompanied by a woman who was NEVER a single mother (Beyonce). The picture insists upon the title & implies what happens when you follow the instruction of the title & don’t date a single mother. They go hand in hand for this reason only. Blessings to you.
Thanks you!!! I’m speechless, just thank you and mah God continue to bless you and yours.
I truly enjoyed your article I can definitely receive everything you wrote ,being a single mother . it’s very hard but You do what you you have to. Keep doing what you do it’s very positive and encouraging.
I was a single mother for the longest time. My son’s father wants nothing to do with him and it breaks my heart. I met a guy in 2006 & stayed with him for 4 years, but he was abusive so I left. I told myself never again. My son got highly attached to this man. His bitterness and abusive attitude came too late. I never wanted to be with a man again. A year later, I met this guy who seemed ok…loving, caring, and respectful. He courted me. Tried with all his power to break the wall I had built around my heart. After 6 months, he finally ripped it down. After 3 years, I married him, and we have a house together. He also has a son. It wasnt easy at all. To be abused and criticized for 4 years, I thought ALL men are the same….but they are not. Thank you for sharing this.
Your words are touching queen. I’m happy you were blessed with your king. Every man ever born came from a woman. Every week I speak to groups of 100s of men teaching them how to be confident & value themSELF as a creation of the greatest artist on this universe & that artist choose women to be the vessels of life. So, if you love your creator honor your creator’s favored choice, a mother. Genuine mothers deserve honor. Blessings. You humbled me
I was sent this link by my cousin but it was truly a blessing! In the past it was difficult as a single mother trying to find a balance between your children’s needs and the needs of the man in your life. I realize now that it didn’t work and would never have worked because his needs were selfish and didn’t include my children. Nowadays the majority of men that target single mothers for marriage are the ones that don’t want to work or have any type of ambition. They see single mothers as a way out when they can provide a roof over their head and food in their mouth. They bring their last name and with it they legitimize that family. And all of the financial stress and every other stress continues to be the woman’s, except you have another mouth to feed. Watch out ladies, you may have a dot on your forehead!
I found your article to be very empowering, although I am not single mother, I have friends and coworkers that are.
I agree with this post tho. I wanna start by saying that a black woman in today’s society has to be strong and determined, along with a man who can appreciate and match her worth. But, there are some women who rather be a single mother. I know this from experience. One(the male) would be faithful to the unit or family (mother and the baby), bring home cash, split the responsibilities, cook , clean and cater(emotionally, mentally and physically) to the woman, all just to get a woman who is not happy for some apparent reason that not even her nor GOD could explain. I’m not saying the woman has to settle for something she doesn’t want but, that is the problem in our culture. We tend to think because our mothers did it singular, that was how it was supposed to be done. Studies show the child has a better chance of a bright future if the parents grow up, get rid of all the distractions and stick together. I had a hard childhood because my mom and dad didn’t have enough faith in GOD and patience their relationship. I share my story because I consider myself a “FATHER” not a “BABYDADDY”. I love to spend time with my daughter (trips to the park, teaching ABC’s, watching Dora learning Spanish and reading her bedtime stories). I tell guys my age all the time take care of your responsibilities (the mother and child). We (men and women) have to acknowledge our egos and overcome those, by putting GOD in our lifes and by stopping the worshipping of materials and monetary gains.
Love how u express yourself indicating your true values, may God bless you and your family
Very powerful. There are a multitude of reasons that our Queens become single. Some clearly stated in this piece of Spirit manifestation in word. The unfortunate reality is that as Children, not many of us were taught our own value. We were “protected” from our parents expression of Love because children were not supposed to see “grown folks stuff”. So we learn Love from the unfounded opinions of themes in our inner circle. We are educated about manhood by societal cues. We are taught that the dollar identifies manhood and not the Spirit. We are taught, though sometimes subliminally, that sex is the “right of passage” into manhood. Always told to be honest, tell the truth and not to lie while that first experience of honesty gave birth to the fear of honesty because of the label that was attached after (wrong, dog, no good, etc). Our seemingly hyperactive behaviors became reasons to administer drugs. Often told to “BE QUIET” or “YOU TALK TOO MUCH” became the norm. So hyperactive boys that are no good and talked to much became men of the same material. Out of No time being invested in developing the Spirit of a young boy grew an adult who doesn’t know how to invest in commitment to himself first and ultimately not being able to to do that in any other areas of his life. He can sex, get and spend or not get and live off of the woman who, to him resembles his single mother. I say all of that to say that although slavery was some time ago, we are not so many generations removed from it. There was so much that has been lost in our men that continues to be passed down today. None of what I said, in any way, excuses the reality that our Queens have been and are being abandoned. It simply is meant to highlight that a castrated King is a seed that has been planted in the sand where it can’t grow because it lacked the environment and nutrients of the soil. So whether you are a Queen raising a Prince alone or with a King (living in the home or out) teach your Prince how to become a King by guiding him to his Spirit first. Men, life happens and we won’t always end up with who we start out with but disrespect and disregard cannot be an option. Stay true to yourself but honor the Queen and plant seeds in the hearts, minds and most of all the Spirits of all of your children! The seed that you plant and abandon will grow to be the fruit that won’t feed you!
Thanks for understanding, really enjoyed this.. Lovely read 👍
Love this article. As a single mother, I dealt with the struggles with raising my daughter alone. I was with my “baby daddy” for 9 years. My daughter just turned 6. He left when she was 3 years old, so I had to pick up the slack on my own after. Little by little she notice that she was seeing daddy like she use too. Just a month ago, she said to me, “daddy doesn’t want me anymore.” I sent her to her room and cried because my daughter was hurting and I couldn’t fix it. As a mother, I never excepted my daughter to say something like that to me. I think it hurt me more than it hut her. She has got to a point where she doesn’t ask for him. My male coworkers has stepped up and each one of them has played the daddy role with her. It’s wonderful!!!
Thank you for this blessing, may God continue to bless the man who speaks in truth, I appreciated this! Sincerely.
This was awesome! God bless you!👍
Now let me point out the bullshit no one here is going to say. As a man who is married to a single mother i can say women only love their kids unconditionally,when the bible clearly says that a woman is to love her husband unconditonally and put him first. So my advice just know if you date a single mom you’re going to take a backseat due to her poor choices in life, and if you dont have kids you’ll be putting her first while not getting that back in return.If you’re a simp and can deal with that have at it.
I figured there was more to this article than what was captured in the title, so I read it to the end. What resonated with me was something my former pastor taught: Christians should only date with the intention of getting married! And by “dating,” he explained getting to know the person in an intimate way that didn’t involve sex! So I can appreciate this article as it hits on many of my personal beliefs and this is so refreshing coming from a young man. I will soon be what society refers to as a single mother as I am in the process of a divorce. Knowing what I know of my soon to be ex, I’m not worried about him not being there for our daughter. He’s been there from the beginning and she’s now 14 so he couldn’t walk away even if he wanted to because she has his heart. Although he discovered after the fact that he was not capable of being the husband he wanted, he was and is consistent as a father. So I said all of that to say this: the message un this article [for me] should be that women and men whether with children or not should only date for the purpose of marriage if that’s your ultimate goal. I get that not everyone operates with the same moral compass! But the message to singles should be that if you “date,” do it with a purpose and make your intentions and expectations known at the gate! Unfortunately, this will not guarantee “happily ever after” because people can and will change from that person who swore in the presence of God to be with you until death do you part. And you could do everything right, but sometimes the enemy has temporary victory. So I would urge all singles to be true to who you are, what you want, and what you expect regardless of your gender and whether or not you have children. But if you do have children, br EXTREMELY careful and clear of your values and di everything you can to make sure the other person does the same. At least then if it doesn’t go your way, you know you did your part. No matter how many precautions we take, we can’t control the will of others-& God won’t even try to do that! And please know that this is not coming from a bitter place, but from a place of experience and wisdom that has better prepared me for the king who can truly handle and except the queen I am and the princess that comes with me! Loved this article!
Sad it has to be that way. Nice read though.
Love the article. My child’s father and I had a great relationship. When i got pregnant things went down hill. He was acting strange and picking an argument with me every chance he got. What i found out was he at cheating on me. We lived together and even talked about marriage and buying a house. He was cheating on me with two men. Yes i said it right, two men. I found the ad he placed on craiglist, looking for a dl relationship, and showed it to him. He then blamed me that i pushed him to do so and he did it to get my attention. Three days later, packed up and left, i was 15 weeks pregnant. So for the judgemental people, it’s not always the woman’s fault.
Thank you… your definitely made me cry, but you helped me understand that I can get through this with my 2 babies.
You nailed it…..love this article and the man you are encouraging other men to be, I am also so sick and tired of seeing all these struggling single moms and their children that are so traumatized and broken from being compketely abandoned.
Yes..Loved this article. .don’t date a single mother..not easy being a single mom of three boys. .I depend on God for financial stability, health, & strength..until he sends the person he sees fit for me. .your articles are a blessing. .please keep them coming. .very encouraging..
Hence I believe in Poly families blended relationships…..
Thank you… I’m a single mom of six from ages 2-13. I was married for 9yrs and tried to reconcile my marriage for a year after the divorce. I grew tired of fighting for a man who didn’t want a life with me and our children. He left us so many times that I lost count. He didn’t just leave the house but he left the state! Now I struggle with his words he left me ‘Don’t no man want a woman with SIX KIDS!” He had a smirk on his face as those words came out his mouth. I guess he knew from first hand experience, even if 5 of those 6 kids were from his sperm and the oldest he raised from the age of one. Now I struggle with the thought that maybe he was right and its heart wrenching. I know God has a plan for my life and I am waiting patiently, but it gets hard sometimes. Thank you for a flicker of light in this cold dark tunnel.
Thanks for posting this wonderful message to all the single mother out their, this shows they are and will be men not boys who will not use us again and stand up and stay by her side and be a father to her child. I am a believer and I need to have more patient but what I thought Jesus had send back someone from the past to be my future. Well he never came to see me when he said n he was the one who said, the first thing came to my mind was he’s playing me and I ask him to block my number …, uknow he really block my number n the next day I called him off a different number n send a text for him to unblock my number n he never did it hurt my heart because; I felt used after two days before he ask me to send a picture of my Virginia and I have never done this before. I send and he just throw me out when he was living how it looked, and all he spoke about was sucking my pussy and coming inside my pussy. Wasn’t too happy at what he want up do because he would have to do a AIDs test….. I really want to have a next child because my son his now 11yrs old. Well Jesus now my struggles n know I have the strength.
Hi thank you so much for your article,I wish more brothas thought like you. I am a single mother and my goal was to raise my son to be successful and better than his father and the men in the hood. Since reading your article I now am going teach him some of the things you just taught me.
Thanks so much for writing this!!! I literally just finished writing my own blog on this very subject. Being a single parent is more like being a very lonely acrobat. Respect for writing the real truth from a mans perspective.
This was a writing close to my heart. I’m a single mom to a little girl and I won’t lie, since having her dating for me has been almost non-existant. I’ve had a few potential dates but once they realize I’m not readily available the way they want me they end it. I’ve dealt with a lot from my daughter’s father whom to this day wants to be with me but we just couldn’t make it togther. Being a single mom is hard work and can be emotionally draining. I’m so busy with her and trying to start my company that I’ve just given up on love. My options are slim and the only ones I tend to attract are the ones who want to use me. I’m told to be patient and that special someone will come along but I’m a realist and I am ok if that person never comes along, it is what it is.
I wanted to say thank you. As a new single mom it has been difficult for me I cried reading this because I felt as though someone final understands thank you
Yeah, quality men aren’t dumb enough to marry used goods with heaps of baggage. Cry on.
So true, being a young father of 2 i married the mother of my kids. I strongly feel this book is a good read with tons of useful information that can be passed down. Where can i get a copy?
Love this article …at first glance I was ready to be mad because Im a single mother…but after reading this i agree 100% I wish more men thought this I.havr two children and just today i thought to myself I will never have someone for me and my children that live all three of us uncondictionaly as i have been played with and lied to but this gave me hope although I beleive im damanged goods already i pray god will one day send me my kind thanks again for this article
That was beautiful… I will men without children I can’t date then and they look at me funny… I just explain to them, every man wants an opportunity to have children and be married to the person they love… I’m not having anymore children so just focus on someone who does want what you want… I know what I want… No if ands or buts about it. But I enjoyed the article.
“I only have my comment, but I think it’s a good question; the article says don’t deny these women who make these choices, my question is, why do we have to choose them to start or have families with? Not like they are damaged goods, but why do I have to be the man and a psychologist in the relationship? Just like they deserve someone, a man who hasn’t committed the act(having children out of wedlock) deserves EVERYTHING that God speaks of in the Bible when it comes to choosing or being blessed with a wife. Women need to really work on being held accountable for their actions, because in a lot of cases, you simply cannot blame the man for wanting what God speaks of.
agree with you
Sometimes single mothers have nothing to “be held accountable” for – they haven’t committed the act (having a child out of wedlock). Sometimes a single mom waited for “the one”, fell in love with his actions, held off from sex until she was sure, got married, was 100% loyal, had a child, and then found out it was all a sham. Drugs, cheating, and Satan had robbed her off the man she thought she had. She may be pretty damaged. How does a ten year relationship built on lies not scar you? But like you said, you shouldn’t have to be the man and psychologist in the relationship. You may not be meant for a single mom. But somewhere, God-willing, there is a man who has endured something himself, maybe is a single father even, who should NOT date a single mom, but court her and will be understanding and the match that God speaks of in the Bible. The author isn’t saying go out and find a single mom. He’s saying if you happen to find one, you don’t “talk”, “hang out”, or “date” them. You court them with the intentions of getting to know their spirit, falling in love, eventually getting to know and fall in love with their child(ren), and completing that family as a Godly husband, father, and leader. If that’s not for you, don’t go there. But everyone wants that opportunity for the love and family that God intended. And don’t just assume a single mom got to that point by any specific means. We all have our different stories and our own crosses to bear.
I don’t think the author is saying you should choose to date a single mother….he’s saying if you put your sights on a single mother then it should be with the purpose of marriage….not simply for something to do or selfish enjoyment.
Such a great perspective! So, I can’t help but wonder where is went with you and this girl … was that the end or was there a second date.
Sometimes shit don’t work and there are men that take care of their kid or kids even though he is not with the woman, and on top of that him an the lady may still have a good relationship. Their are alot of kids that grow up fine with the mother and father not together. Just never forget the men out there that are SINGLE fathers and not afraid of being there and do not need any man to come and rise his kids my brother because he will be there every day. Not every man that has a kid with a woman leaves her to do it on her own. I have an ex and you better believe am here for my son I am the one that Taught him to read, write, ride a bike , have manners and respect, he is 6 now and am going to have him by my side until i know its okay to let him go out on his own. And when he does i know that he will be the man i am teaching him to be. I will be there to give him a kiss when he needs one and a kick in the pant when he needs one 🙂 i respect my ex but we were not ment to be so my son is my top priority. So what about a man like me do i not get the cerdit for making sure i am there in my kids life 24/7 ? Not all women are the victims some just got stuck with some weak ass men as their kids biological father. Even if a man cheated on a woman how does that prevent him from being there for his kids and being a good father ? I just cant comprehend that shit. Ppl do dumb shit all the time in relationships not only men. Women also cheat with on men when they have kids and does that stop then from being a good mother? Men that take care and are there for their kids no matter what are out here.
Thank you for your well spoken testimony young king. I have so much respect for men who are the father and leader thier child needs, regardless of if he is still with the child’s mother. That’s how my pops was. Him & my mother divorced, yet he still instilled words of wisdom & self comfidence in me. Be blessed king.
I read the article why men shouldn’t date single mothers and it hit home with me,,,, i clicked to follow your page and tried to request the book,,,, but I was unsuccessful and hope that you could help me out,,,,, i was raised in a broken home,,, mom was always out bar hopping,,,, my mom didnt care we were just there for punching bags,,,, n the only reason my dad wanted anything to do with me , my sister was so he didn’t have to pay child support and my youngest sister is my half sister bc my mother cheated,,,,, i got pregnant when i was 22 and had my daughter when i 23,,,,,, my baby daddy has only tried once since she was born to try to see her and at the present,,,,, but ive managed pretty well my daughter turned 13 last month,,,, she is A/B honor roll student, she plays soccer, last year I enrolled her into Karate and she also plays the flute in band,,,, i was married when i became pregnant, but divorced him bf she was born bc i was tired of the empty promises and him being in and out of prison,,,,,, so i figured i was already doing it on my own so i sent him divorce papers to him while he was in prison,,,,,,thank you for the uplifting article and would love to get a copy of the book,,, if u could send me info or a working link i would greatly appreciate it and would be willing to pay for the book and or shipping n handling
Because I believe this book may help me figure out how to handle my current situation that ive found myself in and it seems ive found my life on repeat and even though im married,,,,, at first it was great ,,,,, but everything has changed over the past 2 yrs and i feel like i have a daughter and a son instead of having a daughter and a husband,,,,,
Confused and no clue what to do or how to handle it
Thank you for the eye opening article cant wait to see what the book has to offer on more insight so i can hopefully either changes things for the better or to cut my losses n my daughter and I move on
Once I got past the title I was happy I read the entire article before dismissing it as someone else trashing single mothers. I am 36 yrs and for the past 16 yrs I have raised my daughter. There were times I didn’t know how I was going to get through the 1st 16 days but 16yrs have passed. The grace of God has carried me when there was no one else around to help me. I have had to walk away from plenty of situations and people to do what was right for her. It can incredibly isolating. People (men) are excited by your smile, intelligence, and beautiful body until they find out you have a child. I have pushed over many of obstacles to now have two Masters degrees and an established career as an educator. I recently purchased a 2 bedroom condo and people still attempt to make me feel like I’m less than because of my status. Men don’t “understand why everything got to be so serious” but my life is not a game. I can’t afford to have anyone come into my life and mess up what I’ve struggled to build. The last man who I liked and eventually fell in love with lost his job and decided at 36 he wanted to peruse a rap career. He was baffled by my refusal to continue to attach my life to his when he had no viable source of income. I can’t raise a man. My daughter is getting ready to leave for college in a few mths and I pray daily that God hasn’t forgotten about me and my partner will come. Bless your heart for the perspective you shared.
I am a single because my baby father didn’t want to let go of his childish ways. He let his grandma and mom dictate what he does, who he sees, and when he should see his son. His grandma even came to me and questioned why I needed my baby father in our sons life. Now that I’m being independent, I’m a mean person. Motherhood is hard but it’s a challenge I accepted since I saw two lines on my pregnancy test
Taking care of some other man’s family is fool’s gold. I’m glad there are suckers out there willing to pay for another man’s seed so these single mothers have a safety net to fall back on. You like buying a used car that already is used up go for it!
Ebrahim, you certainly get my Blue Pill award of the month. Why create further drama, emotional and financial hardships on yourself by complicating yourself with single moms. I can assure you, in the long run it’s not worth.
Awesome article. I’ll patiently wait on my King to come along with a heart and mentality like yours! Thank you!
I love your mom for having you!!!
Ebrahim Aseem, I am certain I am in love with you! Ok, maybe not you personally, but definitely your frame of thinking.. It makes you the ‘Prototype’ (Outkast , Speakerboxx 2003) of my future husband! Your writings are real and inspire my soul. They dig deep and the way you lay the words on the page gives your pieces ‘life’! I read this article a few nights ago and I immediately called my Bestfriend to tell her I had finally found love and the man of my dreams! ‘Lisa, I’m in love!’ I exclaimed!! To my surprise, she knew exactly who you were 😦😳👀 Do I live in a bubble? Yesterday she tagged me in one of your FB posts which led me to more of your writings! I had to stop back to this article (where I found you) just to say thank you for passing forward your blessings! Your writings have reopened my passion for (love and) art, so I have decided I will write again! I’ll start with a blog (small steps).. And ask God to lead me to my book as I need it to have substance, serve His purpose, have meaning, and inspire someone like you have inspired me! I am such an endless romantic who ‘loves love’, I absolutely can not wait to be in love with my husband! Stay blessed and I KNOW God will send you that beautiful (physical and spiritual) wife your heart desires.. You deserve it my love! ~TJ Lowery
I cried reading these articles. Some men were just not meant to be fathers. I was friends with my children’s father from 14 years old until 22. We were engaged and best friends. We have a daughter, a son, and another daughter. Not once ever did I believe he could ever hurt me. Well, when they were 2, 1, and 6 months old he walked out on us in the middle of the night. I turned to his family for help and his mother told me “she was a single mother and did it alone so what makes me so special….please leave her son alone”. I could sit here and write for hours. My point is I had a bad childhood when I was growing up–physically abusive mother and sexually abusive step father–I truly believe not everyone is capable of being parents. They just don’t have it in them. I am a single mother….My children are my everything….I thank all of you for sharing all of your stores….its definitely “light at the end of the tunnel”.
Thank you for this. I grew up in the middle of two strict homes. I went to visit my father every other weekend but lived with my mother until I was 17. She never remarried or dated after her and my father divorced but I saw felt her pain and I saw the way she struggled. I took a vow that I would never subject my children to a broken home. However, I too became a single mother at 19 years old while in my freshman year of college. We married in an attempt to please our parents and it was the worst choice possible. He became extremely abusive leaving me no choice but to file for divorce with a 4 month old baby boy. I am blessed to say that though our journey has been difficult and plagued with trials, my son and I have made it through. I returned to school last summer to continue pursuing my bachelors degree while working anywhere from 1-2 jobs and remaining active in campus organizations. However, the cold truth is that the men I have encountered since then have mostly lacked the desire to enter into a committed relationship on account of my being a single mother. As proud as I am of my accomplishments–with the greatest being a mother– it still stings. I want nothing more than for him to have a father who loves and cherishes him just as I do. There have been many occasions in which I’ve thrown up my hands and vowed to remain single the rest of my life but I know that I was made to be a wife and that my son deserves a father. That being said, thank you for spreading your words of encouragement and wisdom. Just as much as this is a message to men it’s a message to women and the standard at which they should hold any man they “court” to. Thank you again.
Man you are freakin Awesome!!!!🙌🏾👍🏾💐😄
Wow this is amazing, i love how you speak to my soul on being a single mom and dating.
This is simply amazing. You get it brother. God bless you and thank you
I am pregnant with my 6th child.. my husband left me and the kids before we found out I was expecting again. he has been gone for almost 5 months now. he would rather be living on co-workers couches than be a husband and father.. I’ve known him since freshman year of high school. We started dating at age 27. We were together for 7 years but married for not quite one when he told me he wanted to walk away. he comes to see the kids for a few hours on his day off once or twice a week. this situation is so messed up. I am not looking for another relationship and I tell you I doubt I will ever find a man willing to be with a woman who has 6 children alone.
This was almost difficult for me to read. It’s hard to accept that THIS attitude is the only acceptable attitude from a potential suitor. Too many times dudes aren’t willing to understand that the child is first, and if he really wants the girl, he must be ready to lead the child as well.
And I’ve found that too many single mothers want me to make her and her kids my FIRST priority while I am expect by her to be her LAST priority. And, of course, I’m expect to pay for everything for her kids by another man in the process. These are why real men should stay away from single mothers. Single moms expect we men to put up with a lot of extra crap and still be last in line. Where is the return on our investment in the relationship as well?
Such a load. I’m a single mother & the only time I’ve cried was when BD left me 3 months prego. Yes it’s a tough road but life is a tough ass road. Emotions affect everyone regardless their parental status. The strong survive, it’s what one chooses to do, be or accept. Anything only affects a person if they allow it & one person shouldn’t gage another based on one person or experience.
I am a 38yo widow of five children ages 4-15. I am an educator and have my own. I’ve been widowed for two years and my late husband was my college sweetheart. Moving forward, I met someone who I thought was the next “great love. ” However, he did everything he could to make me feel worthless. He was inconsistent and always pointed out that he was this great “catch. ” At the end of the day, the relationship ended because he was a coward, stubborn and selfish person that allowed his pride to prevent him from apologizing for his actions. Honestly, I didn’t cry, I’m just disappointed. I don’t know if I’ll trust another man again. BTW, you make a lot of valid points regarding dating and courting. I 100% agree that us single mothers don’t need someone telling us lies and giving false Hope. We’re all NOT DESPERATE for a piece of a man.
I came across your article after Googling, “My baby daddy wants to date me.” Like other women who have responded here, I was baffled by this proposal today after years of being strung along and teased with the prospect of marriage, while my daughter’s father dates and travels, buys himself massages, etc. I didn’t know anyone else in this situation, and was looking to make sense out of this preposterous request. My daughter is registered for kindergarten in his city and now has no school 5 days prior. I feel ridiculous because I too slept in my car after discovering these affairs while pregnant, when my daughter was 18 mos, 3 1/2, and now 5. I ate out of garbage cans and paid for almost everything, while he gave us $420 a month on his salary of $140,000 (because her birthday was 4/20) and let her grow up in her grandparents’ home and with me in a flat with a roommate while he lived mortgage-free in his grandparents’ house. Reading your article boosts my spirit and gives me hope that there are indeed men who empathize with female providers, unlike the males I meet who want only physical relations from a desperate single mother. We can and do create our own destinies. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Don’t depend on someone else to change your situation. YOU are in control. Keep the faith! LOVE
Erica, there are divorced dads who want large families! I know one personally. Never say never…
I agree with the up front intentions, but I caution men from dating single mothers under any circumstances.
There are way too many additional headaches and there are plenty of women who have made better life decisions.
Just adding my tupence to the pot….some women are single by choice and not necessarily victims. I am a single mum and decided to have and raise my child alone as a race against my biological clock. I had no romantic feelings for my son’s dad….he was chosen for desirable character traits which i wished my child to possess. I have no desire whatsoever to be married just to conform to societal expectations. I do not see Marriage as a gift a man confers on you for which you should be eternally grateful, I see it as a pact between two consenting people. I do not have to be a wife to be a mother. I do not have to be ‘Mrs’ to enjoy great sex. I am a fantastic mother and my child always come first. If and when i decide to tie the knot, it will be because i have fallen in love (with my head as well as my heart) with someone whom i choose (and has chosen me as well)…and not because I seek ‘respectability’ and social acceptance.
It’s sad that there is a stigma on women that are single mothers. I really like what you had to say. I was really feeling down and out because it’s been almost three years since I’ve been with someone. I started researching reasons why men just weren’t interested in me anymore. I saw this title and almost became furious, but then I read the article. I’m a single mother of a wonderful son. His father wanted nothing to do with either of us since he found out I was pregnant so I’ve been alone since day one. I had to grow up quickly. Because of my son I have a steady job, a nice apartment, and I’m also going to school to be a nurse. Because of my son I am a nurturer, a provider, a loving and caring woman. I possess many great qualities. Because I have a child men won’t be with me. I’ve been on a few dates and really hit it off with guys, and then nothing ever happens. A single mom will take care of a man, and will treat him the way he needs to be treated because she knows what is like to be alone. She won’t treat you like these little fast girls out there. She is more than likely financially stable or will become that way soon. She doesn’t want your money only your time. She’s someone you can grow with, and really build a great future. What happened to great power couples? Thank you for your article. I hope I find my silver lining soon. This article has given me hope in men.
You are incorrect.
“She is more likely financially stable….or will become that ways soon.” – No. No she isn’t and won’t be. Most single moms carry piles of debt. Often their attempts at education or better paying career flounder because she’s a single mom with no time to finish school, no time to put in the extra work that a good career requires. Kids cost tons of money.
She’s a “nurturer” or “will take care of a man” – Yes she’s a nurturer. To her kids. To a guy that gets serious with you, you will not be because you will busy “nurturing” your children. She will typically be too busy taking care of her kids, so the new guy will always be last place and last priority. One of the biggest lines single moms spew is “He has to accept that my kids come first.” Which means he has to accept that he will be always last – but he will be expected to make she and her kids his first priority, and he better still keep the money coming because his wallet will be single mommies other first priority.
She “doesn’t want your money” – BS. She does want the new guys money…all of it. Any guy can test this easily. If he and single mommy start talking about living together or marriage he merely has to suggest she pay an equitable amount of the household bills. For instance, if she has two kids (and he won’t have any because single moms seek out childless guys to have full resource access) the guy should tell her “You will pay 3/4ths of the bills since you’re responsible for 3 of the 4 in the household.” Her rage will tell him that single mommy does, indeed, want his money.
And there’s more you don’t address. The cancelled dates because the ex didn’t get the kids, or someone’s sick. The crappy ex who will be in and out of your lives – including the new guy’s. The dreams and time the new guy gives up because your kids will always have to be his priority as well. The fact that the new guy will eventually be disrespected in his own home, where he’s paying most of the bills, when you and your team of kids (and ex) disagree with his approach to discipline or some life decision. The endless drama…..my gawd the drama. The decline in sex because you’re so tired from the kids or the drama. So many more split loyalties that a serious relationship with a childless woman don’t present. And there is more and more that I don’t have the time to address.
This isn’t to say you aren’t the nicest woman on Earth, but you come with a lot of extra hassles that simply make a serious relationship impossible.
Single motherhood is a choice.