Single Mothers don’t have poor taste in men. It’s not her fault she choose a “baby daddy”. She just confided in a boy she thought was as a man.
It’s hard to judge a book by its contents, when the cover tells a lying story. Good men do exist Yet, sometimes lame males front & play the role of a MAN when they first meet a woman. Once she gives him her heart & her loyalty before requiring his faithful commitment, he switches up & reveals himself for the mentally immature little boy he is. Other times, that single mother just choose a ‘bad boy’ & her superficial attraction & choices came back to haunt her. By: Ebrahim Aseem
I don’t hold a woman’s past choices against her. Single mothers DESERVE a Man who can LEAD himself & his children. She shouldn’t have to lead herself AND her child by herself, AND make every financial decision in her life, AND deal with stress, AND pay all the bills, AND pray all by her self. #EbrahimAseem
She deserves a strong man who can shoulder that burden with her. Lead her child & be her rock. Teach her child how a loving, healthy relationship looks by how he treats her with respect & faithful commitment. Melt away her insecurities. Destroy her trust issues. Break down her wall & show her what reciprocal love is.
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
I had to watch my moms do all that alone growing up, as she chose to divorce my father, rather than be subjected to catering to a good man who’s not on her level of growth. My father, who died when I was young, taught me with actions to never sit & watch the mother of my children struggle to play the role that I as a MAN was put on this earth to play. #EbrahimAseem
I have no children but all this love to give a child. I’m going to get the wife & children I deserve, even if I have to marry a single mother after courting her, because at least I know she knows how to cater to a man, because she’s raising one. #EbrahimAseem I’ve always felt this way, well before I ever took a single mother out on a date. Now, after being out on at least a dozen first dates with single mothers, I can confidently say:
this is why no man should “date” a single mother. Marry her. Court her. But don’t waste her time by “dating” her with no intentions to marry her. #EbrahimAseem Dating & talking are ambiguous terms. You’re either planning to marry her, sex her, or planning to friend zone her. There’s no in between.
I met the sweetest woman at Forever 21 while shopping for my niece. Career woman, second year master’s student. Tall. Gorgeous. Fashionable. Curly haired killa. I’m talking the kind of fine where you gotta squint your eyes when you look at her fine ass. Her eyes a beautiful hazel. Her lips full & luscious, with a smile that could get her anything she wanted… except a man. She was a single mother.
Her son was her everything. Her little man was the man of the house. Her MCM every monday. No man could ever come before her son. At first glance, I knew none of this. So, when I saw her shopping, I had to approach.
“Good afternoon,” I greeted with a smile, “I pray your day goes as beautiful as your vibe is. You’re absolutely slaying your outfit. Could I ask your opinion on some clothes for my baby niece?”
“Of course,” she replied with a smile. “That’s cute you shop for your niece. Or is that just some pick up line you use to meet hot women?”
I laughed out loud.
“No line queen, I just love my family & being all about them,” I clapped back. “Now, I see your hair & nails are freshly done. So are you & your abundant edges really in here shopping, or is this just some tactic you use to get approached by handsome men?”
She laughed loudly. She laughed so hard, she snorted. The giggle-snort is a woman’s boner. If you can stimulate both her mind & her funny bone consistently, she’s yours. Also, never make a woman feel her smart mouth is a problem. Just respectfully clap back & let her sassy ass know you’re just as fluent in sarcasm as she is & you will arouse what most men rarely stimulate, her pulsating mind.
“Oh! You got jokes, I see you,” she replied, failing at fighting off a blush. “Well to answer your question, I don’t do this as a tactic to get approached, but I must say, you are a very handsome man.”
“Thank you beautiful young woman,” I responded, sticking out my hand for her to shake. “My name is Ebrahim Aseem. What is your name?”
“Damiyah,” she answered cheesing harder than an infant during a tickle session. “I have a little sister who adores me & acts just like me, so I buy her clothes that I’d like. She just loves it & I love doing it. I’m a fashion designer, what do you do?”
After exchanging fashion tips, we exchanged numbers. By the time the cashier bagged the clothes I bought, I had bagged Damiyah. I called her that night & we talked for hours. For eleven days, we talked every day for hours. On the twelfth day, I invited her on a date to the Brian McKnight concert that friday. She accepted. Yet, on the day of the concert, when I went to pick her up, she flaked. Ignored my calls, texts & honks. I even rung her doorbell four times. No response. I hoped back in my car & drove home. I was furious. I didn’t understand why a woman would flake, knowing you already bought tickets to something. In reality, she wasn’t flaking on me.
I found out later her son had a post pulmonary interstitial emphysema outbreak. That’s why she was not at home. She was in the hospital with her son. Her phone died.
Men have no idea how hard it can be for Single Mothers to deal with the baby, get ready for work, feed the baby, get dressed, clean up after the baby, rock the baby, because the precious bundle of joy is crying, then wipe her own damn tears, because girls cry rivers having to deal with the baby all by her self. #EbrahimAseem
Meanwhile, the child’s sperm donor (aka father) plays Call of Duty, finger-banging enabling women, playing Madden, eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of a huge mixing bowl & buying bammer weed & over-priced Jordans with money he could be providing for his child & investing in his role as a father.
Man up & spend time with your child. Not for 2 hours bro, no stop “baby sitting your own child”, while you play daddy for another woman’s child. Take your child for a weekend, shit a whole week. Give your children’s mother time for her SELF. If You can’t say you love your child when you grieve, over stress & over work your child’s mother by making her do most if the work. #EbrahimAseem You men will be salty as hell when your children say they don’t fuck with you when they grow up.
Men, we can’t always assume a woman is flaking on us, just because she’s not available to spend time with us. Her child is her priority over herself. Don’t complain. Support her. She does it all alone & is trying to hold it all together. Reassure her motherhood is not a deal breaker & she will shower you with abundant affection.
Two days later, Damiyah texted me apology selfies of herself & those curls, then she called me & apologized for flaking, simply saying, she had a “family emergency.” I wanted to be upset, but she was too sweet & fine to stay mad at. Like you know someone’s fine when you give them second chances after repeating red flags. She asked for a make up date & promised to make it up to me by inviting me to an Ethiopian restaurant for dinner & live jazz. I accepted. The date was amazing. Bomb food. Great music. We even danced together. Towards the end of the date, however, she dropped a bombshell.
“I have to be completely honest with you, because I really like you,” she confessed. “The reason I flaked on our first date, was because I was in the emergency room with my son. He had a lobectomy as a baby & was having trouble breathing that day. So, I took him to the hospital.”
“Wow, I’m sad to hear that,” I responded empathetically. “I pray he’s better now. I didn’t know you had a son.”
“I know,” she replied, “I planned to tell you the night of our first date, but then it happened, and I… I just feel like I should’ve already told you, but something this serious should be revealed face to face. Me and my son’s father are not together anymore, but me & my son are living with him right now. It’s a long story, but we got an apartment together before I got pregnant. Everything was great, until I told him I was with child. From then on he changed. He started cheating & yelling at me for everything. Once I had my son, it got worse. That’s when I broke up with him. I wanted to leave, but my name is still on the lease & I can’t afford to pay rent at two different places.
I moved out & got my own place, but after I lost my job, I got evicted & became homeless. There I was, me and my infant son living in my Prius. I just recently started living back with my child’s father, just so my son would not be cold at night. Look, I know this is a lot of drama & I never wanted to involve you. I hope you’re not mad at me. But, if you never want to see me again, I understand.”
“I’m not mad at you,” I assured her, “and I applaud all you do for your son. I want you to know, you are not a victim. You are a victor. There is victory in enduring pain, it makes you stronger. I’m happy you are telling me this now on our first date, before we started dating, and out of respect, I feel it is only fair to tell you that I don’t date single mothers.”
“Wow, you really just said that, huh,” she replied with a hint of attitude, “just flat-out, you don’t date single mothers.”
“No, I don’t date single mothers. Because that’s A waste of her time. I court them with the intention to marry them, or else I let them go so she can meet her future husband. ,” I explained. “This is why no man should date a single mother, MARRY that single mother, make your intentions with her known by counting her first, or don’t even waste her time by “dating” her.”
Men, if you’re not ready to faithfully commit to her, by all means, keep your substance-lacking side pieces & keep playing, but be honest with her. Don’t hold back her blessings, playing a role another man is meant to have in her life, by making her his wife. #EbrahimAseem
Don’t you string a single mother along, planting feelings in her heart & empty promises in her mind, when you know damn well you don’t see her in your future. Don’t demand her loyalty without offering her commitment, because her loyalty is to her child first. #EbrahimAseem A woman and her child are a package deal. If you date a single mother & her child gets attached to you, then you leave, it will crush that child. It will give that child abandonment issues lasting a lifetime, effecting their future relationships.
I will not ask you to chill. I will take you out on a date, let you know exactly how I feel & my intentions with you. We’re too old for games & passiveness. If you have a child, we will not “talk” or date leading nowhere. I will court you. I will make my plans to marry you one day known. You deserve a help meet, not merely a date. A man “dating” her without commitment is how she became a single mother in the first place.
I’m tired of seeing sweet women with beautiful children & no father in sight. I promise not to make any woman a mother, until I make her a wife. #EbrahimAseem
A woman all about her child makes a man of valor want to be all about her. I know you want a complete family. A husband to share a lifetime of affection with. Travel abroad with. Grow with. Laugh with. Be silly with. Raise your children to love themself with. I want you to know you are not broken. You are not damaged goods. You are not incomplete without a man. You are a masterpiece, sculpted by the most powerful artist in the universe, who has a plan & a help meet for you. So get ready. Self edify. Love your child, and your king will mentally ascend to his throne, make you the wife you were born to be and love you & your child as his own, with all his heart.
Single mother does not automatically mean deadbeat father. Some fathers are not allowed to establish a relationship with their child, because the mother is bitter he moved on. Some single mothers are widows who had amazing husbands.
Having a child does not take away from all she has to offer. She was born to be a wife. Honor her. Reassure her having a child is not a deal breaker. It just proves she can nurture you with affection on a level you’ve never experienced. Don’t let fatherhood & marriage scare you bro. You are a king, regal minded, endowed by the greatest artist in the universe to be a leader & provider. Don’t shy from it. Embrace it.
If you want a woman you have to fight for her. One day, if we’re meant to be together, I will find my future wife & let her know how much she means to me. But I won’t “date” her. I will court her, even if she has children. Then, I will get on one knee & ask her that virtuous woman to be my “good thing”.
I can imagine being married. Having children, spending time with them, Playing with them & making them laugh, teaching them about life, instilling confidence & self worth before giving them piggyback rides. Having a wife, spoiling her with love and attention, Being goofy with her, making her laugh & smile every second I spend with her. Providing for my family.
I honestly pray I have all this before my moms gets too old to enjoy a daughter-in-law & grandchildren. Everytime I see my moms, she talks about wanting grandchildren & saying she raised me to be a husband. Because I was raised by a queen, I now for sure, I am not looking for a girlfriend to date, I am looking for a wife to court, marry & raise children with.
I’d absolutely MARRY a single mother after courting her. Then I could be my dream, a father, but never will I date her “talk” & starve her of commitment she deserves
By: Ebrahim Aseem
Author of the book, “Why Men Cheat on Loyal Women”
Motivational #SpeakLife videos: Youtube.com/RealNewsmagazine
These poetic lyrics are from Ebrahim Aseem’s newest single “Shea Butter”. Click above to hear or download FREE.
I’m a chef, writer & singer. I post new articles & recipes every thursday.
I’ve been a youth mentor for young men for 11 years, teaching them how to uplift & respect women & be men of confidence & valor. I make songs uplifting women. I speak isiZulu & English. I do motivational speaks at universities & private corporations worldwide. I am omw to do a motivational speak to a group of teen mother rape survivors at a wayward house.
If you’ve never heard my deep, baritone voice #SpeakLife
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